Will he ever find himself?

[idonthalfpickum]

My partner of several years has gone on his annual pilgrimage to "find himself". He tells me he needs this few days (see two weeks) to be able to cope with the world. This is usually fine by me. However, this year:

1. It was not discussed with me. The first I heard of it was when he was talking over plans with his friend
2. We have a 6 month old. Its been a struggle as he works away a lot and basically I'm looking after them on my own most of the time.

When confronted with the fact that I'm not happy about this and he has been selfish/thoughtless, he informed me that I'm the one being unreasonable. So AIBU?

So two days of no contact from him but he manages to post on twitter. Says it all really.

Do you get anything out of this marriage at all?

Wtf? Leave this useless idiot. Find themselves- give me a fucking break. He’s a father now with responsibilities. Don’t let your daughter grow up with a father who swans in and out when they need to ‘find themselves’

@idonthalfpickum Honestly, he sounds like a giant child. I'm all for having a bit of time apart now and again but only if it's fair on both partners and he just sounds like a teenager on a gap year who has somehow become trapped in the body of a grown man/father. He sounds like a shit partner and a shit dad.

Apparently he didn't contact me as I was angry. Oh and WE need counselling as he feels unable to communicate with me?! He now sends me a photo of tortoises humping. Is it me?

Tell him you've found his true self and it ain't worth him wasting his time doing the same! Go see a shit hot divorce lawyer

He sounds incredibly selfish

At some point you will resent him enough to leave

Leaving him to look after the baby on his own for 2 weeks could be the best thing, tbh. He will have to step up and hopefully it will help him grow up and start taking responsibility more generally.

Not married so very easy for me to exit.

My exh used to pull this at least once a year. In the end I had enough, packed him and A-Z and and OS Map, wished him luck on finding himself and said goodbye.
Selfish git disease my dm called it!

Its the way its all deflected back onto me ie I don't communicate. Do I really need to point out we have a baby? You know the little thing that needs a lot of looking after.

He is gaslighting you to blame you for his failings.... sorry @idonthalfpickum.

You're not the one being irresponsible or selfish.

If this was me he would ...

FIND that I had changed the locks or moved house.

FIND that still trying to find yourself once you have children is frankly pathetic

FIND that being suddenly single because he is a selfish knobnugget sucks

I doubt this thing could find his way out of a paper bag!

Aim higher OP. MUCH MUCH HIGHER

I think he sounds like a selfish twat OP but it also sounds like you've accepted this behaviour before starting a family and are now expecting him to change despite him never claiming that he would or could do this?

It definitely comes across like you do have some issues communicating like he is saying so it may be worth listening and taking him up on the offer of couples counselling. Unless of course you simply aren't interested.

@Minxmumma I know re the gaslighting. I suffered that in a previous relationship. I pointed out that he was gaslighting and he said he wasn't. I told him that our relationship was obviously at an and he said "I'm sorry you feel that way". He has claimed to be aspergers before but this goes beyond that!

I'm sorry you feel that way

Just think about that for a while...

@chickenyhead Oh I have. Not a great response eh to someone you supposedly love? He does love me/us apparently and says he shouldn't need to show it as he doesn't believe in that. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall here.

THAT is not love.

That is the ultimate dismissal. To him, you are less than irrelevant.

Selfish, totally. Get the violins out when he gives the excuses. I take it he was in the decision making when you both had a child together? Any man who thinks he can just swan off for 2 weeks 'to find himself' without consulting his partner is a complete and utter, selfish dick. When I say consulting, this is not asking for permission...but sounding the other partner out before making any plans is the respectful thing to do. Just going off and doing it reeks of a man who just wants a single life. I'd be seriously making plans to end the relationship. He's never going to change. How long have you been together?

So, he works away regularly, he has an annual 2 week holiday on his own, he doesn’t allow you any down time and you don’t trust him to look after his own child.

I can't see the point in a relationship with this man. He's utterly selfish and doesn't want to spend his free time with his own baby.

I'd spend this time packing up his bags.

YABU. It’s annual, you knew what your were signing up for when you decided to have a child with this man.

looks like he has not yet found himself, but you have found him....

You have found him to be selfish, selfobsessed and not ready for family life (as too selfish)

exit exit exit

He wants the fun of being a dad without the responsibility. He needs to grow up.

Purge yourself of your anger and then when it's gone coldly and calmly torture the bastard at your leisure

Another one here saying he ain't worth finding.

I think he's worth losing, though