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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
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FamilyOfAliens · 19/09/2019 09:24

Unless he’s worried you’ll be hung over at work, he’s being a knob.

BadLad · 19/09/2019 09:25

I agree with you, but I have seen two glasses in one night described as bingeing on here, so you will get plenty of people checking you into the Betty Ford clinic for your three.

HavelockVetinari · 19/09/2019 09:26

YANBU, but since this is MN you'll very soon get the crowd of head-tilters suggesting you're and out-and-out alcoholic despite being well within he weekly recommended limits. Grin

WaterSheep · 19/09/2019 09:26

I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker

I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night
on Saturdays... I usually have a couple of glasses
maybe another one at home.

Perhaps it's just me and my friendship group, but this seems like quite a lot each week.

MindyStClaire · 19/09/2019 09:27

Well, as you say, three large glasses is a whole bottle. And over a single meal isn't over that long a period of time, as opposed to over the whole day at a wedding or Christmas or something. I don't see an occasional overindulgence as being a big deal and it doesn't sound like you have an unhealthy attitude to drinking.

But I know that if I drank that much (probably only a few times a year, tops, and over a longer period of time like at a wedding) I would have a sore head the next day, would definitely be tipsy and overemotional, and if sober DH and I had an argument (extremely rare) it would likely be because of me overreacting while tipsy.

So... I think you're both right.

onanothertrain · 19/09/2019 09:28

3 large glasses of wine is a bottle.

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:28

familyofaliens I have to be up to get the kids to school but no work until midday so definitely not that!

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 19/09/2019 09:28

Honestly I find drinking a bottle of wine by yourself (with or without a meal) really excessive. Do you do it often? If not then it isn’t a problem but if you’re chugging 3+ bottles a week then it clearly is

NoSauce · 19/09/2019 09:29

I don’t think he’s unreasonable to ask if you feel ok after drinking a bottle of wine, no!

EmmaStone · 19/09/2019 09:29

But if the 3 large glasses were about the same as a bottle, then yes, you did consume a bottle of wine, it's just semantics of downing it - I'd probably use similar terminology, and I DO drink. And I would likely feel it the next day, so the query wouldn't be too much of a leap.

But if the way it was said was to make you feel bad (rather than just a statement of fact, or a bit jokey), then that's a bit different.

And would you have normally had the mini-row if you'd been sober? If not, then yes, it would have been because of your drinking.

I think there's some over-reacting going on here, but it's difficult without hearing both sides who it is.

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:30

onanothertrain I know that I did say that in my post, but to me downing a bottle is saying that I just sat there pouring it down my throat rather than drinking 3 glasses with food over 2.5 hours. It’s the implication I find annoying!

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 19/09/2019 09:30

Hes being an arse,it was a special occasion.Tbh if we went out for a meal with wine dh would assume I would drink the whole bottle and be surprised if I didn't Grin

Badolddays · 19/09/2019 09:32

You say in your op you did have the equivalent of a bottle. He shouldn’t be making digs about it though.

EskewedBeef · 19/09/2019 09:32

Downing a bottle doesn't mean knocking it back from the bottle in one go! You accept you probably did drink a whole bottle of wine in three large glasses, so there's no need to get defensive when someone points that out.

I think he sees it as a problem. Would you have had the argument if you'd been sober?

KUGA · 19/09/2019 09:33

So what if you did have 3 glasses.
Who`s he or anyone to say how much you can have your an adult and you're not answerable to the wine police.

Whoops75 · 19/09/2019 09:33

I would drink the same and think you don’t absorb the alcohol as much with a meal. Definitely wouldn’t be looking for a fight after 3 glasses so I think your husband was being petty.

Why did your dh give up drinking?
I think the answer could be his reason for being irritated when you do.

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:33

Teddybear45 I have given all that information in my first post.

emmastone we argued about something he said and I would have pulled him up on it drunk or not.

His query was definitely not out of concern.

OP posts:
DickKerrLadies · 19/09/2019 09:34

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary.

Out for a meal, not at home.

Special occasion.

It's different to drinking a bottle of wine on a random Tuesday alongside a ready meal IMO. YANBU.

Howyiz · 19/09/2019 09:34

He is being a knob! It's a bit like reformed smokers going on and on about the smell of cigarettes!Hmm
I don't think what you drank is excessive especially as it was the exception rather than the rule.

Shoxfordian · 19/09/2019 09:34

He sounds like he thinks he's better than you because he doesn't drink. I don't think it's excessive. Ignore him

ariamontgomery · 19/09/2019 09:34

Don’t ask about alcohol on Mumsnet! People on here seem to think that if you even walk past a pub and accidentally smell the alcohol smell wafting out the door then you’re an alcoholic who seriously needs help! 😂

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:34

whoops75 he gave up because he started getting really bad hangovers and got fed up of it.

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 19/09/2019 09:35

I don't drink so maybe I am the sort of person who may see your DH's side. To me that seems a lot, i would be hungover on that, but I would also consider it as being a special occasion so up to you. If you were doing it every night then I might say something out of concern. But three large glasses would be a bottle wouldn't it? Or was it the word downed that upset you?

I suspect he was either teasing you or making a little dig after your row. There is a difference between people who don't drink and morally superior non drinkers though and I can see why people get annoyed at some.

Mary1935 · 19/09/2019 09:36

Hi Op do you drink every night, or at home alone - can you cope without it - if so you sound normal to me - your allowed a blow out occasionally
Only you know how much your drinking a week to know if you’ve over the 14 units. One bottle is about 9 so your ok.
What are you partners concerns?

Horehound · 19/09/2019 09:36

Fucking hell. Some people on here need their eyes opened to the world.
Making out youre drinking on your own and it's so excessive insinuating you may have a problem.
Ffs

3 glasses of wine is almost a bottle but it was over the course of a meal, doesnt sound like you drink that qty every night. It's FINE.
But maybe it did contribute to the argument!