To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

[Horehound]

@Upsiedasie

Ha, you DID down a bottle of wine though

NO, SHE DIDN'T. She drank 3 glasses. She didn't down anything. Ffs.

Are people on MN really not understanding what the term "downed" means?

[IncrediblySadToo]

I can recommend a good rehab, I’ll PM you.

🙄🙄 your DH, is being a twat. Just because he can’t handle alcohol, doesn’t mean no one else can.

I understand what you mean about ‘drank a bottle of wine’ v ‘downed a bottle of wine’. There’s a difference.

Tell him that just because HE gave up because he felt crap, doesn’t mean he can badger you every time you have a drink & try to make you give up. Tell him you have no intention of giving up and him being a twat about it is only going to make you go off him, not wine.

[Abraid2]

The trouble is that ‘glass’ is a vague measurement. Some glasses are a third of a bottle in volume.

[Bluntness100]

Bit of an odd post op.

You seem to be fully admitting you drank a whole bottle of wine over the course of a meal. So likely what two hours? Max? And now you're upset because your husband said you downed it?

Really that's semantics. Move on.

[BaweB]

He's being an arse - probably still annoyed about the previous evenings' row and trying to score points. If it annoys you then sit down and ask him about it because maybe your drinking annoys him too. My husband doesn't drink and I do occasionally and I find it much more relaxing and enjoyable to set the parameters before I drink/have a hangover.

[GimmeBread]

I'd like to "down" a bottle of wine right now actually.......

[JoxerGoesToStuttgart]

Maybe don't comment on other peoples' habits because it's fucking rude.

Umm, the OP asked!!

[StroppyWoman]

He’s being a sanctimonious arse.

[meccacos2]

You drank a bottle of wine in 2.5 hours and then fought with your husband who hadn’t been drinking.

He enquires as to a possible hangover and that triggered you.

Yeah... that’s a lot of alcohol.

If you didn’t have a hangover I would say you have a drinking problem.

[fairhairedfairy]

I think you're taking him a bit too literally. People say things like "I inhaled that dessert" to mean they ate it quickly, not that they literally breathed it into their lungs

So "downing a bottle" just means you polished off a bottle's worth of wine in a short space of time. And just because you ordered three separate glasses doesn't make it any different to you having ordered the whole bottle for yourself at the start of the meal.

If you don't have a hungover after that amount of alcohol over that time that implies you have quite a high tolerance too.

[IsobelRae23]

I used to have evening meals with work frequently and it would be 4-5 glasses of wine. Then I found I was having a glass a night, then 2, then 3, then a bottle a night. I realised I had a problem. Now I rarely drink, I’ve had 2 drinks in 5 months, and one night out where I had 4 drinks, I was unwell the next day!
To be that is a problem, you a couple of glasses a night, and 3 glasses over a meal for a special occasion, I wouldn’t say is a problem. If exdp had made a comment like that to me I would have make a joke of it, I wouldn’t have taken it personally. Why do you think you did?

[mrsmuddlepies]

I don't think there is any safe limit for alcohol. I don't think there is much 'pearl clutching' on Mumsnet, just a healthy awareness of the harm alcohol can do to the body.

Alcohol also may increase breast cancer risk by damaging DNA in cells. Compared to women who don't drink at all, women who have three alcoholic drinks per week have a 15% higher risk of breast cancer.
www.breastcancer.org/risk/factors/alcohol

[Downunderduchess]

I don't drink at all and I still don't think three glasses of wine over the course of an evening out for dinner is excessive or over doing it. As long as you weren't driving, cheers!

[Natsel84]

I would of sat and drank more

Dont let your husband dictate to you. If he doesn't want to drink thats up to him

Having 3 glasses of wine with a meal and a glass or 2 on the weekend is not an alcoholic.

[IncrediblySadToo]

The trouble is that ‘glass’ is a vague measurement. Some glasses are a third of a bottle in volume

And?

The OP SAID it was equivalent to a bottle of wine, she’s not disputing that.

It’s his terminology of ‘downing’ rather than ‘drinking’. She wasn’t necking it out of the bottle, she enjoyed 3 glasses of wine with her meal.

Mr Sanctimonious is trying to deflect from his behaviour that caused the petty argument by implying she was pissed and causing an argument.

[LondonJax]

I did giggle at the remark that 3 glasses of wine is hardly downing a bottle when you also said 'Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle'

So you drank a bottle of wine to yourself. Would it have been better if he'd said 'how's your head because you got through a bottle of wine'. It means the same thing. I say 'I downed a cuppa' as downing a drink means having a drink with me. I didn't realise it marked you out as a drunk mess in comparison to saying 'you had a bottle of wine over the meal' - which is what, two hours? To me it's just semantics. Downed a bottle in two hours or drank a bottle over two hours - same thing.

Is it excessive? I don't know - I have a glass of wine once a month! I have rosacea and wine flares it so I have it and suffer when I really fancy a glass. My sister probably has the same as you. As long as you can cope with life WITHOUT a drink, you don't become a roaring argumentative twit and it's within the limits I don't see a problem.

But downing a bottle is a daft phrase to argue over in my opinion. You drank a bottle to yourself. That's it.

[Horehound]

Abraid2

Horehound

There’s a huge lack of understanding as to how much of a health risk more than moderate drinking is. I drink but I am aware that more than a few units two or three times a week is a known risk factor for some cancers.

Oh for God's sake. This isn't about it being a risk to possibly get cancer. Everything can contribute to that! Whether you smoke, or inhale car fumes, if you sit in the sun, or yse sunscreen, if you don't have children or don't breastfeed blah blah.

Stop being dramatic.
I also don't agree there's a lack of understanding. People understand, they choose to ignore. Same as smokers yeh?
She drank 3 glasses of wine. Her husband described it as her downing it which is the insulting part. That's it!

[Musicalstatues]

Also just to be clear we have not argued this morning over his phrasing! He’s not here and sent that in a text. So I’ve just rolled my eyes and replied saying I’m fine.

[PurpleDaisies]

I wonder I’d this is just s symptom of deeper problems.

[BlingLoving]

I love these threads. And always wonder where all these people who never touch alcohol are in real life. I only know two (and one of them is DH who just doesn't like booze much).

I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back. It sounds like every time yo drink, he is mildly to significantly disapproving and you're tired of it. which I get. The problem with alcohol, like other vices, is that everyone has different ideas about what's okay. For some, they're happy to live and let live. But for others, they want everyone to have the same limits/views as them. And that then becomes a problem. And in this case, that's what happening - your drinking is really not a big deal and totally normal. Your DH, who clearly had some problems with alcohol, disagrees and as a result he is making comments.

I'd be tempted to sit him down and ask him if he thinks you have a problem with alcohol overall and if so, why. If he does, you need to consider what he's saying (particularly his reasons). If you still feel you don't have such a problem you need to explain that to him.

And then, unfortunately, if you still don't see eye to eye, this could become a longer term problem because nothing destroys a relationship quicker than being judged by your partner.

[Howyiz]

Have people missed the point where the OP said that he does this every time she has a drink?
It is a pattern of behaviour being used to try and shame the OP about her drinking REGARDLESS of the amount she drinks.

[tangled2]

It would annoy me as the choice of words implies you were guzzling it down, it's possibly intended to be critical or snippy.

Same as the tiny bird appetite posters would likely be annoyed if someone described them eating a sandwich as scoffing or gobbling or devouring it whereas actually they were just eating it, or having it. Doesn't quite convey the same image.

[WhiffOfBath]

"Downing a bottle" would suggest to me that someone sat there chugging it straight out of the bottle. Having three large glasses of wine may measure up at 750cl, but over the course of 2.5 hours and with food, it's hardly "down in one".

Your DH is being a knob about this, probably because he's teetotal.

The head-tilters on this thread aren't much better, especially the ones who haven't even bothered to RTFT (if they had, they would see that your weekly drinking habits are perfectly normal and within safe limits).

Someone on here yesterday was offering a fuck off from their fuck off basket. I think I'd give one to your DH and the head-tilters.

[Lucked]

The only time I would use the term “down a bottle” is if someone had drank a bottle really quickly. I don’t think over a 3 course meal I would call it “downing” which implies drinking for the purpose of getting drunk.

It is more than you usually drink but he is being a dick with the terminology.

[higgyhog]

FFS!!!! perfectly normal to have three large glasses to celebrate a special occasion, the only way OP is being unreasonable is not to have bought it by the bottle. I seldom drink at home and am usually the driver if we go out, so maybe go for 3 or 4 months at certain times of the year without an alcoholic drink. I would not expect to have a hangover if i drank the bottle over this period of time and with food.