To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

[HiJenny35]

You drank a whole bottle of wine and you don't like the way he said it, well you did drink it. Maybe don't drink a whole bottle of you don't like people saying you drank a whole bottle.

[Kanga83]

As long as you don't drive, or expect others to drive you because you're drinking, then drink what you like.

[jennymanara]

Drinking a bottle of wine is a lot to drink.

[WonderWomansSpin]

It was almost a bottle and you drank it over a few hours so I don't think he was inaccurate.
I think the bigger issue is that you have a mismatched approach to alcohol. Have a conversation about it. He may be genuinely concerned that you drink every week. He may think he's being funny. Find out which it is and if it's the latter tell him it's not funny and you don't want him to do it again. If it's the former, then you need a longer conversation about dependency, etc.

[BarbedBloom]

@Musicalstatues I was genuinely unsure to be honest as I am teetotal, so I put a question mark. It is my own fault for not reading properly though as I now realise given the title, what you were upset about. I agree with you that he is needling you though, which isn't nice. I would have been dying today though, I have no tolerance anymore

[Musicalstatues]

Maybe it’s just down to how people interpret the word downed then! To me it’s something people used to do when we were teenagers, literally pouring whatever we could find down our throats as quick as we could and not at all a word I would use to describe an adult drinking with a meal.

I don’t have a hangover by the way!

[averythinline]

he's being an arse...that woudl piss me off as well...

3 glasses of wine over a meal is not a lot - If I go out with friends for dinner we would each easily do that.......and often more if we get into a good chat and havent got heavy days the following day....

find some less irritating people to go out with!

[timshelthechoice]

I don't drink at all. I used to be a moderate and occasional drinker but then when I reached my late 40s it got harder to keep weight off, my gallbladder got stones and had to be removed, my mental health was a mess due to trauma and family illness, I got GERD and ulcers, so I just stopped and never went back to it.

But I think your H is being a sanctimonious knob about it. It was a one off on a meal out for an anniversary.

On MN, though, you're a right lush and need help and you should be vomiting in hangover and need to see your GP for a liver check up and then go to AA.

He's being U.

[dollydaydream114]

And would you have normally had the mini-row if you'd been sober? If not, then yes, it would have been because of your drinking.

You cannot possibly know that or reasonably make that assumption. The fact that the OP had had a few glasses of wine might be entirely incidental. Not everyone gets stroppy when they drink and for all you know her DH might have been in a foul mood and deliberately sniping at her anyway.

[Horehound]

@abraid2
You said yourself hat you downed a bottle and yes, that is a lot.

It's not a lot and she didn't "down" a bottle.
If you drink a cup of tea you don't describe it as being "downed", do you? She didn't say she downed it, she said she drank 3 glasses of 2.5 hours.
It's the word he used which insinuated she's a floozy.

And to the people who drink like 1 gin every 6 months..of course you will say 3 wines in one night is excessive but the actual fact is you are the one who's drinking habit is "not normal" and are heavily biased towards a very low alcohol consumption making anyone else out who does have a drink look like they're a bloody alcoholic.

[Winterlife]

PS. You’d probably be over the blood alcohol limit if you were driving after 3 glasses of wine over 2 1/2 hours. So your husband’s question was not unreasonable.

I do think you should talk to him about your enjoyment of wine, and how you don’t appreciate him commenting on it. Then stay at 2 glasses.

[GimmeBread]

It's semantics isn't it? Downed to me means gulping it directly from the bottle. Someone mentioned downing a cup of tea - that definitely means gulping it down in one go.

I regularly "enjoy" a full bottle of wine......

[Upsiedasie]

Ha, you DID down a bottle of wine though? You don’t do it all the time though and it was a special occasion so I don’t see the problem.

I think you’re being a bit sensitive about this. I don’t really drink these days but I would have just shrugged this off in the past. Not really a big deal.

Maybe your ‘bad head’ is making you a bit cranky?? (Kidding!)

[timshelthechoice]

Maybe don't drink a whole bottle of you don't like people saying you drank a whole bottle.

Maybe don't comment on other peoples' habits because it's fucking rude. Do you tell people who eat a starter, main course and dessert on a meal out that they're pigs, greedy, oinking food, etc? I can't eat much at one time as I have gut issues, but I go out and others make a celebration of it and eat three courses or drink wine, and hey, they're adults. If I started commenting they'd quite rightly pull me up on being rude AF and probably not ask me to go with them again.

[Horehound]

@HiJenny35 it's they word "downed" she takes umbridgeridge with it. She isn't disputing she drank a bottle. Why the nasty tone in your response?

[BadLad]

You drank a whole bottle of wine and you don't like the way he said it, well you did drink it. Maybe don't drink a whole bottle of you don't like people saying you drank a whole bottle.

There is some implied (to me, and apparently also to the OP) criticism in the way he said it.

If I ate a cake, I'd be annoyed at being told I had guzzled a cake.

[ElspethFlashman]

Well "downed" is common vernacular.

And if you think about it, it basically means a large glass with every course. That's not slow drinking.

I don't judge, I remember one NYE where we went for a meal and downed two bottles between us over the 3 courses! But at least there were 2 of us. So that was probably 3 large glasses each. But I remember that seemed like a LOT.

[JamieVardysHavingAParty]

I dunno. Did he say it in a Tone? Did it seem like he was trying to get at you?

Because factually, he's right. Three large glasses is psychologically a healthier thing than actually necking it, but physically, it's the same thing. Assuming all other factors are equal (size of meal, time period over which you drink) there's nothing magic about wineglasses that means you don't get a hangover if you decant the contents of a bottle into a wineglass before drinking it all.

It was a special occasion so not really indicative that you need to go to rehab.

However, it was a special occasion for him too, presumably. People underestimate exactly how irritating tipsy people can be if you're sober. That doesn't go for everyone, of course; some people aren't irritating and other people have huge reserves of tolerance. But it's something to consider if the difference between your drinking habits is causing tension.

[NoSauce]

A bottle of wine in one go is a lot OP. You seem to be downplaying it.

[YouLikeTheBadOnesToo]

i think this is just getting blown out of proportion. I don’t think 3 glasses of wine is excessive, especially with a meal. But it would definitely give me a bit of a sore head, so I can understand why he asked ( i do drink, but for some reason I’ve never ‘matured’ into a wine drinker. A glass makes me feel giddy 😳).

I’m assuming it’s the expression ‘downing’ that you object to. It does kind of conjure up images of standing on the table, swigging from the bottle. I’m guessing it’s just a misunderstanding, just let it go. It’s not worth falling out over.

[DickKerrLadies]

To me it’s something people used to do when we were teenagers, literally pouring whatever we could find down our throats as quick as we could

Yup, me too.

If you down a drink, it means drinking quickly, often all in one go.

Remember the trick with the straw in the alcopop bottle?! Ahhh misspent youth.

[Abraid2]

Horehound

There’s a huge lack of understanding as to how much of a health risk more than moderate drinking is. I drink but I am aware that more than a few units two or three times a week is a known risk factor for some cancers.

Obviously occasionally going to town on nights out isn’t the same as drinking a bottle a night most nights. Which plenty on MN do and won’t accept that it is dangerous.

[BenWillbondsPants]

OP, I think that you're forgetting something. On Mumsnet, if you drink more than a thimble full of alcohol at Christmas as a toast to your Auntie Doris, you are a raging alcoholic. You just need to look at some of the replies. 😂

You drank 3 glasses, which is about a bottle. Big deal, it was a special occasion. Your DH is being a bit daft so I would just reply with a 'fine thanks, lovely meal' and forget it.

[INeedNewShoes]

I think that on a special occasion, enjoying 3 large glasses of wine over the course of a nice meal isn't that excessive.

I agree OP that I don't see that as 'downing' the drinks.

It sounds as though your alcohol intake is usually fairly moderate and I can see why you fancied the extra glass for an anniversary meal.

Wasn't he being light-hearted with his comment? It sounds as though one of you (or both) is a bit touchy about you drinking alcohol. Is it him because he no longer drinks or is it you because he no longer drinks you assume he doesn't like you drinking?

[TheRobinIsBobbingAlong]

You may not have a hangover OP - and I envy you if that is the case because I'd have a banging head after 2 glasses - but you may well be over the drink drive limit this morning if you drank the whole bottle over the course of 2.5hrs.