To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

[lottiegarbanzo]

My first thought was 'why didn't you order a bottle between you?'

I see he isn't drinking - though gave it up because of hangovers, not because he didn't enjoy drinking. In fact, if he can't drink at all without drinking so much he gets a hangover, he has a problem. I think he's jealous of your ability to control your drinking and is being snarky. He is taking the opportunity provided by your, arguably, having drunk a little too much, to say 'you're no better then me'.

Your reported weekly drinking is normal and moderate (your thread will attract the evangelical teetotal morality police and virtue signalling fellow travellers - a noisy little cult on MN - so extremely unabalanced responses).

What does surprise me a bit is that you've had a knockout hangover within the last year and think this is normal. Most moderate-drinking adults I know left that behaviour behind in their early twenties, except perhaps for the occasional ill-judged mistake. The only ones I know who still think of hangovers as 'normal' in their 30s and 40s are heavy drinkers.

[ign0re]

you don't drink a lot, ignore the person who tried to compare you not only to herself but her entire friendship group.
a whole bottle of wine, would give me a little sore head in the morning.
it's a little bit of a dig but nothing i'd write a thread about to be honest but i get the annoyance!! x

[Musicalstatues]

puffhuffle hindsight is a wonderful thing!! Getting a third glass wasn’t on my original agenda though so there didn’t seem any point getting a bottle at the start.

[perplexedagain]

You both seem to be being a bit silly about this tbh. 3 large glasses of wine is the equivalent of a bottle of wine and is not recommended health wise (classed as binge drinking) but if it was a one off it's not a problem. If you are doing this every week maybe it is ...

[Stiltons]

You're within the guidelines most weeks. You had a bottle of wine on a special occasion. Even if you went over it this is entirely up to you!

How many of the people saying OP has a problem take no health risks? Is your BMI too high? Do you eat over the recommended calories per day? Do you ever have a tan? Do you smoke? Do you eat at least 5 portions of fruit and veg? Do you go for your smear tests when they are due? Do you do the recommended amount of exercise?

[Upsiedasie]

@Horehound

I don’t think anybody thinks the OP actually physically drank a bottle of wine in one go!

She drank a bottle of wine over 2.5h, which is quite a bit to some people (like her tea total DH). To say she downed it is just a turn of phrase. Not a big deal. It doesn’t need to be taken personally.

Like I said in my post, it was a special occasion, so drinking a bottle of wine is hardly crime of the century!

[Skinnydogfatcat1]

Fuck, 3 large gins last night, at home, on a school night, outside with the fire on. Missing the point totally - yes he is an arse & U

[JamieVardysHavingAParty]

I'm not going to say the OP has or hasn't got a drinking problem, because that is a big picture thing, and I have no idea what the big picture is.

But a bottle has to qualify as a lot, right? Every January, people post on MN about struggling to meet their targets for water-intake per day, and that's about 1.5litres a day.

If I drank 750ml of water just over the course of a meal, it would be a lot, and 750ml of wine is actually, er, not water. It's going to be what, 9 units of alcohol?

[AryaStarkWolf]

YANBU, but since this is MN you'll very soon get the crowd of head-tilters suggesting you're and out-and-out alcoholic despite being well within he weekly recommended limits.

.

[PuffHuffle5]

Most moderate-drinking adults I know left that behaviour behind in their early twenties, except perhaps for the occasional ill-judged mistake.

Oh how very ‘grown up’ of you all...

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I think it is on the wording you use.

3 large glasses doesn’t sound too much but if you had said a bottle then it sounds huge.

Whilst you say you only drink 1 or 2 glasses of wine at any one time I think you need to look at how big those glasses are.
Otherwise I think you are kidding yourself.

[lottiegarbanzo]

I wouldn't underestimate how tedious tiddly people are when you're sober though. The imbalance is a bit of an issue, for a 'couply' celebratory occasion.

Clearly your DH should have stepped up, ordered a bottle and drunk one glass himself! (Obvs not if he has a real probem - but you said he does drink on special occasions - just not this one. I can't help thinking that was a little ungracious and uncelebratory - unless he was driving but, did he need to?).

[Peanutbutterforever]

OP, I agree that the problem seems to be in the interpretation of the word downed. As a middle aged, light drinker, I'd probably use the term for drinking a bottle, as a jokey reference to my youth, when I did drank more and faster. I'm sure your bottle, with supper, was a leisurely, enjoyed drink.

Whether the DH is meaning downed in this way, or is being an arse, only you and he know...

[timshelthechoice]

One standard bottle (of 13% by alcohol) wine is 10 units.

That's not standard, that's very strong. Many sold in supermarkets are 11%. You'd have to look around to get one that is 13%.

Again, I don't drink at all. It just doesn't work well with my GERD, which will be forever because I have valves which are not as good as they once were (plus right now I'm on antibiotics for stomach ulcers), but it sounds like your H disapproves of your drinking at all.

But nevertheless, the noisy teetotallers of MN are here telling you that you have a problem and will likely spiral down to tramp pushing a trolley level soon.

I have friends in their 40s and 50s who get hangovers still as a one off. It usually happens if they go out and overindulge on drinks that are not their usual, for example, a wine drinker goes out and does cocktails one night. I really don't see that as a black stain on their character.

[TaskMistress]

I hate being the sober one and DH doesn't even drink that much.
If we were out as a couple and you drank a bottle to yourself then I would be put out.
Drinking together is different to only one of you drinking.

If DH and I go out together generally we either both drink or only have 1 if the other isn't drinking.

[bluebluezoo]

I'd be utterly arseholed if I drank a whole bottle of wine.

Being able to drink that much and not be pissed would suggest to me a fair bit of tolerance had been built up...and the drinking isn't as moderate as you think.

But as long as you're happy with your drinking and being honest with the amounts, crack on. I've just seen too many times where people swear they drink moderately and within guidelines when in fact their "glass of wine to relax" is three or four and they're borderline alcoholic.

[RaceSherpa]

He was being a sanctimonious arse. Did he used to drink? I gave up because I had a problem with it and now I have to watch myself as I have mild tendencies towards being an evangelical knob head because I'm sober now all the time. The "sore head" comment is the sort of thing I'd say to have a bit of a go at my partner if I thought he'd had too much the night before more fun that I had. I'm a bit resentful if I'm honest because I can't drink any more and am envious of those who can drink without it ever turning into a problem. Anyway, it's probably not that, but just to say that this is a "thing" with reformed drinkers.

There's a complete hysteria on MN around alcohol you always get on these threads with suggestions of trips to AA, etc... coming from people who never touch it and basically have no idea what even problem drinking is - let alone alcoholism. I don't see these people in real life either much so I think this is their place... where they congregate and try and worry people online who have no need to worry.

[Deathgrip]

Is it possible you were being a drunk arsehole and aren’t aware of it? DH doesn’t drink often but recently went for a birthday day out with a relative and drank a lot. We met up for dinner afterwards and he acted like a massive twat, but the next day had no awareness of this. I was really upset, he really embarrassed me. He has form for this which is why he doesn’t drink often any more. I don’t think many people can drink a bottle of wine and be unaffected, and it would be worrying if you could.

[Actionhasmagic]

I think you’re fine... what’s life without a little enjoyment? I’m more a light weight so couldn’t manage 3 but everyone is different

[theoriginalmadambee]

Well thank you @Mythreeknights, likewise .

[freeingNora]

It's hard to tell but I think you have bigger issues at play then the drinking

Is he often sanctimonious? Leaving you feeling defence

He's changed so now he's trying to force you to change where's the love in that ?

You are drinking a fair bit compared to someone who drinks less each to his own my question for you is can you go a week without drinking. Your answer will tell you whether or not you have a problem

[lottiegarbanzo]

And honestly, in our 20s and early-30s, pre-DC, we'd have ordered a bottle between us and then a second bottle, so one each.

These days, one between us more than enough. Probably an element of ageing and loss of tolerance in that but mostly, years of needing to be functional during the night and early in the morning.

[Beesandcheese]

I don't like to be stuck chatting to someone who has drunk a bottle of wine. Utter yawn fest whilst they prattle on about every last inconsequential thought. He probably was pissed off that you prefered being inebriated to focusing on your time together.

[MadeleineMaxwell]

I get it OP - DH is tee-total, I drink maybe 6 times a year and he gives me The Stare when I do.

You're already feeling judged, then he comes out with a loaded word, 'downed', which makes feel like he's insinuating you've chugged back a 2L bottle of White Lightning in one go to get blitzed, you terrible alky, you.

But you feel you've just enjoyed yourself like some/most adults do on a night out for a special occasion.

I just tell DH not to be such a dick, personally

[Mitebiteatnite]

I do think you're being a little oversensitive about his wording. A bottle of wine is quite a lot, but it was a special occasion so it's not really a big deal. Unless you have special occasions twice a week

I don't really drink as I'm an absolute lightweight and can't handle it at all. 1 glass of wine makes me tipsy, 3 and I'd be fully hammered. The last time DH and I went out for the evening, he was driving and I, for reasons unknown, decided I wanted a bottle of wine. I drank the whole thing over the course of the evening was well and truly sloshed, and woke up the next morning with a rotten hangover. DH had a chuckle to himself when my first word of the day was a groan and said 'alright my little pisshead?'. I told him to fuck off and make me tea, which he did and then left me in bed for the rest of the morning. That is a perfectly normal interaction for us, because neither of us are oversensitive. Maybe I should have started a thread about it