To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

[lovemenorca]

He’s saying it to Piss you off as you had a mini argument

Fact remains though that you did neck a bottle. Might be fine for you but is would be a shit load for me

[bridgetreilly]

But... you did down a bottle? You may think that is not excessive given the occasion, and you're entitled to be irritated by him commenting on how much you choose to drink, but he is quite right to say that you downed a bottle, because you did.

[onanothertrain]

I agree odd choice of word but I think relationships where one person has a different drinking pattern to the other are always a bit odd around alcohol. We see it on here all the time although usually the other way round. I agree with PP if you would not have add the argument if you had been sober then your DH might have a point. As for drinking a whole bottle of wine I don't have an issue with it, meal or not.

[BarbedBloom]

Ah, I typed so slowly I missed some of your responses. He was being an arse then. Again to me it seems a lot but I would see it as your choice.

[WellButterMyArse]

You clearly didn't down anything. But if you had more than you would normally have over the course of a meal and on a night where you have to be up and out early the next morning, ie differing from the usual drinking you describe, I get the headache question. Seems reasonable to me. Can't speak to the row and whether he's implying it's your fault obv.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

This is a classic example of why bars and restaurants love those huge 250ml glasses. You say "3 glasses" but it's a whole bottle. DH and I switched to smaller old fashioned 125ml glasses at home years ago and realised we drink less as a result, without noticing.

I don't think your drinking sounds excessive but your last stay in bed hangover being year ago.... plenty of people don't ever get drunk enough to have a hangover at all! I haven't in about 4 years.

Tbf tho it was a special meal, I would have had a bit more than usual too, so I think your DH is being a bit of a tool on this occasion.

[DeNiroDeFaro]

For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor.

TBH it just sounds like that's what's happening again. You did a drink a bottle of wine, you're just taking umbridge with how he phrased it.

[4yearsnosleep]

I don't think it's excessive. You didn't 'down a bottle' you drank wine throughput a meal.

[dollydaydream114]

A large glass of wine is 250ml and a bottle is 750ml, so three glasses of wine is certainly a whole bottle.

However, talking about it as 'downing a bottle' and suggesting it would make you hungover is ridiculous. It was over the course of an evening, with a meal - it's certainly not excessive as a rare treat, especially on a special occasion. And your drinking habits generally don't sound unreasonable at all, totally normal.

So yes, your DH is being a sanctimonious twat and YANBU at all.

There are always people on Mumsnet who will clutch their pearls at anyone daring to drink more than a single glass of wine in one evening and start saying '14 units a week is a limit, not a target', though, so be prepared for people to start insisting you're a 'functioning alcoholic' and pulling judgey faces at you.

[Musicalstatues]

Mary1935 I have listed my usual drinking habits in my first post.

barbedbloom yes I’m not disputing I probably did drink about a bottle, it’s the way he’s chosen to describe it that I find annoying, and the fact that he does that or similar pretty much anytime I order a glass of wine!

[crumpet]

You did down the equivalent of a bottle of wine over the evening, which you say is more than you usually drink, so it probably is something that might be commented on, especially as it was mid week. Appreciate it was a special occasion.

However it seems to be less about last night as a single instance and more about his regular comments about your drinking in general.

[Whoops75]

He is being a knob! It's a bit like reformed smokers going on and on about the smell of cigarettes

Maybe it’s this^

Plenty of people can enjoy a meal without wine so can’t understand why I wouldn’t.
It’s a preference and you are entitled to yours.

[Winterlife]

Drinking a whole bottle of wine over 2 1/2 hours is a lot.

[Leleophants]

It's hard to see how you look when you've had a drink, even if you don't feel very drunk yourself. Can see why it would annoy you but at the same time, that is quite a lot of alcohol and if he didn't have as much as that and had an argument, he has a point. He's probably a bit concerned tbh.

[Horehound]

Well yeh @DeNiroDeFaro because she didn't down it, did she? She drank 3 glasses of wine over a meal. Normal! The way her husband has phrased it as if she was putting the bottle to her mouth.

[Abraid2]

Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle

You said yourself hat you downed a bottle and yes, that is a lot.

[ElspethFlashman]

I'm ambivalent about this one. Not because you enjoy a drink - so do I - it's just that I suspect you're being unreasonable to be huffy about his comment.

If I had 3 large glasses of wine with a dinner (and Lord knows I have had) and someone said I downed a bottle, I'd probably laugh and say "yeah, near as!"

Your reaction is very defensive. And I imagine it's cos he's teetotal so he thinks it's too much. But that makes no sense - 2 is OK, but 3 is too much? Why? And if you were tipsy, so what? That's what 3 big glasses of wine does!

Now in saying that, I don't really enjoy drinking much around people who don't. It sucks. They often react a bit judgy. I tend to stick to 2. Unless my inner teenager comes to the fore and I feel like ordering more is my tiny wee act of "fuck you, judgypants"

[SoreAndFedUpToday]

I think the amount you drink in a week seems fine.

3 big glasses probably is a bottle, and if it were me I'd have a stinking hangover the next day after that! Not saying there's anything wrong with it!! I'd defi itely drink that amount more often if I didn't get hangovers! But, yes, 3 glasses would give most over 30's a hangover, possibly a bad one, indicating it is quite a bit.

If I drank that much, DH would comment and we'd have a laugh about it!

It's really hard to know if you are being way I we sensitive and should have had a laugh about it, or whether you DH is being a pain in the arse and constantly nagging you about your alcohol intake, which is actually not excessive

so ..i don't know! Maybe a bit of both?

[NigesFakeWalkingStick]

I think he used the wrong choice of words and you're being a bit over sensitive probably from the row last night. You clearly didn't down a bottle, but 3 glasses is a bottle, and 2.5 hours isn't a huge amount of time. It's arguing over semantics though. I'd be a bit 🙄 at the comment but it sounds more like the row from last night has made you both a bit tetchy and has boiled over into today.

Deep breath, forget about it, pick your battles etc. If he wants to be holier than thou about not drinking, let him. If you're not hungover and your drinking isn't something that gets in the way of your life/parenting (although have to admit I'd feel ropey after a bottle and getting up for the school run) then eh, let it go.

[Incandescentwithage]

A bottle of wine on a school night tut tut will be gin on your muesli next.

[GimmeBread]

I was similarly offended at my hospital notes which stated "patient admits to a heavy night of drinking". I had three cocktails in the pub early evening. I'm asking for it to be removed from my notes as it makes me sound like I was hitting the cheap vodka and cider in an all night piss up. 🤨

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

I think you drink way below the average BUT I would also probably make a comment if my dh drank a whole bottle of wine in an evening, whether it was with a meal or not.

I am a heavy drinker by MN standards but a whole bottle of wine definitely gives me a hangover and makes me more prone to arguments. I haven't had a whole bottle in an evening for years now, thank goodness.

[JoxerGoesToStuttgart]

Well you did down a bottle. So yes, drinking 3 glasses of wine that equates to a bottle is exactly like downing a bottle. Downing just means finishing a bottle in one sitting. Which is exactly what you did.

However it’s clear your issue isn’t with his wording but his implication- that you drink to much.

I’ve no idea if you do. I don’t drink wine. I wouldn’t come to MN for advice on that though, unless you just want to be told your drinking is fine, that is.

[ravenmum]

Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle
So, if he had said "How is your head, as you drank almost a bottle of wine last night?" you would have been fine with that, yes?
You're quibbling about a tiny exaggeratio, most likely because you have a hangover and are in a crappy mood, so yes, YABU.

[TheRobinIsBobbingAlong]

Three large glasses of wine for a special occasion meal isn't excessive in itself, but your AIBU was the question "to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’ " Well it is downing a bottle, sorry.

As an aside, I think your DH was unreasonable to make the comment about your head the next morning, it was unnecessary.