To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

[Musicalstatues]

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

[Bluntness100]

I also don't think there is any form of issue with how much you drank, it's not like you're doing it daily.

But I think you're being petty arguing over semantics. You drank a bottle of wine in a relatively short period of time. Just own it.

[Horehound]

@meccacos2
Yeah... that’s a lot of alcohol.

If you didn’t have a hangover I would say you have a drinking problem.

Honestly...it's not and no, she doesn't.

[HairyFloppins]

I feel like drinking a bottle of wine after reading this thread.

[Mythreeknights]

OP I think you are completely normal and it's nice to have a good glass of wine or three with food on a special occasion. It's got to be tough though having your DH constantly commenting on how much you drink. Could you ask him to back off? It's not like you drink every single night, and even if you did, a glass of wine a night is not going to kill you. You seem to have a good balance, just tell your DH to back off. It's not like you're inhaling heroin or mainlining vodka through the day. Relax.

[WhoCaresWins01]

Well, you did down a bottle!

You obviously both have very different attitudes to drinking and that is the real issue here. I don't drink much and would be rough after a whole bottle of wine even with a meal! Others would consider that nothing.......

[meccacos2]

By the time my ex-friend could tolerate an entire bottle over an evening, she had an alcohol problem.

She would often buy cheap bottles in bulk and would drink alone and then binge on weekends.

On more than one occasion she passed out drunk, on more than one occasion she vomited all over the bathroom, on more than one occasion I had to get her to a safe place because she was in danger and couldn’t safely walk or get herself home (think slumped over outside a doorway near the pub or passed out the front of the house because she couldn’t get herself only few more steps inside).

One of the grossest things she did was vomit all over my expensive shampoo and conditioner bottles and laugh when I asked her to clean it up (about 18 hours later - she still hadn’t).

At some point the expensive bottles of wine I had saved for special occasions/gifts started going missing and she would look at me blankly and said I drank it.

She stole my wine/champagne glasses and hid them in her bedroom and told me they were all broken, because “we” broke them (they were actually packed up and I let her take them out for an event).

The more she drank the more her mental health declined. I think she didn’t realise how unreasonable she had become.

After several years her skin because red and splotchy and her once beautiful hair became lank. She put on weight and the lines in her face became deeper.

We are no longer friends because in the end she was bat shit crazy.

Seeing people around me get spectacularly drunk puts me off alcohol.

I also can’t stand the smell of someone metabolising red wine - it’s just the worst.

[macem]

I think people underestimate how different they are after a few drinks. I recently spent an evening with a friend who drank about the same as the OP, unusually I wasn't drinking at all.

Bloody hell she was annoying, I was obliged to humour her to avoid an argument. That's why people have drinking buddies, all in it together.

[CatteStreet]

'Because factually, he's right. Three large glasses is psychologically a healthier thing than actually necking it, but physically, it's the same thing.'

This. I also think the use of 'downed' here is technically more accurate than not, but emotionally illiterate - or deliberate.

[dottiedodah]

A few years ago this would not be too bad .However 3 "large" glasses of wine these days is probably about 3/4 of a bottle !.Does your DH want you to join him in his reduction of Alcohol intake do you think?.Its tricky when one person has a different approach.

[theoriginalmadambee]

Hi op, look at it this way. You had an argument, your dh's comment about your drinking and especially the word 'downing' is simply an indication that he is still annoyed and yes it's a dig, and that is where he can get to you since he is reformed .

Count your units every week, then you know if he is being arsy or if he has a point (just for future arguments ).

MN what is the matter with all you lovely ladies? These threads are always answered with 'you will get a lot of ' different opinion to me.

It's always 'uhh you sniffed the cork shame on you, I wouldn't' or and especially this 'don't take notice op, as long as you don't have more than 3 ten liter buckets a night, you do not have a problem' 🤣.

Please, please if in doubt, count.

[Babdoc]

One standard bottle (of 13% by alcohol) wine is 10 units. You can only metabolise one unit per hour, so I hope it was your DH who did the driving home!
Women have smaller livers than men, and we lack the levels of alcohol dehydrogenase enzyme in the stomach that lets men break it down faster too. So we are more at risk for both intoxication and health damage.
A whole bottle in a couple of hours does seem a lot, but is less worrying if you are not drinking regularly to excess.
We are certainly seeing serious levels of liver disease in much younger women nowadays, partly due to a drinking culture and partly to those much larger modern wine glasses. I own glasses from 40 years ago that hold 100mls, 30 years ago that hold 125, and modern ones that hold 250. It’s not hard to see the problem with that!

[TaskMistress]

One glass of wine gives me a headache not even an hour later.

I stick with spirits

[Musicalstatues]

I’m sorry for your friend meccacos2 but as most weeks I just have a couple of glasses on a Saturday I don’t think I’m in the danger zone yet for an alcohol problem.

[ScatteredMama82]

@meccacos2 I'm sorry you had to watch that, but I fail to see what relevance your story has to this post? Are you implying that the OP (and anyone else who drinks alcohol) is doomed to the downward spiral of your friend?

[OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg]

To me, "downing" a drink implies knocking it back quickly in a few gulps - necking it, down in one, those sorts of connotations. Sipping a few glasses over the course of a meal while chatting is a very different vibe, and it sounds as though he's making what was a fairly civilised activity appear to be something it wasn't.

I couldn't drink three large glasses / a bottle because I have a very low tolerance for alcohol these days, but that doesn't mean I'd find it odd or excessive if someone else did over the course of a meal. TBH I'm not even sure I'd notice how much they drank, if they could still hold a conversation and weren't swaying or slurring, which there's nothing to indicate that the OP was visibly drunk. I know plenty of people who could drink the amount the OP did in the way she did and would behave after three glasses just as they would after one (i.e. barely noticeable they'd had a drink at all) so I'm in the "DH is being a bit of an arse / trying to make a point with his wording" camp.

[Musicalstatues]

babdoc of course I wasn’t driving! That’s definitely a benefit of dh not drinking

[WhyBirdStop]

That's probably 10-14 units (depending on abv, reds are often a bit stronger) which is the recommended weekly limit, so it is a fair amount, especially when the other person isn't drinking. DH and I tend to share a bottle of wine over dinner when we go out, or maybe a couple of cocktails instead. I would definitely feel a bottle of wine the next morning.
When I was a student however I'd drink a bottle of red while getting ready to go out! I'm not recommending this to anyone...
I'd just own it, of DH asked me how my head was and I'd drunk a whole bottle of wine to myself over dinner, is be honest (fuzzy/fine whichever), but I wouldn't get annoyed.

[Mythreeknights]

There is an NHS Drink Aware app that it's worth downloading and using for a while to monitor alcohol consumption. Just to see, as wise @madambee says.

[OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg]

and there's nothing to indicate...

[BogglesGoggles]

You did down a bottle though.

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

meccacos2's post is a classic example of the modern thing of people being determined to have their say (or merail) whether it's relevant to the person who started the conversation or not!

[itsonlysubterfuge]

Yes I would say it's pretty average for people in the UK. However people in the UK are way too drink happy and that is far too much.

In fact the NHS consider the amount of alcohol you had as binge drinking. A bottle of wine is 10.5 units, while anything over 6 units is considered binge drinking (for women). Of course it's not exact figures, but close enough.

[PuffHuffle5]

If you wanted to drink a whole bottle of wine when you’re out for a meal I don’t think that’s a big deal - but three glasses is almost a bottle, you might as well have ordered one...

[spanglydangly]

I would've said just because he can't handle his drink so has given up, doesn't mean you are the same!

He's your partner not your keeper FFS!

And does anyone think he was asking out of concern or making a sly dig?

[Thesearmsofmine]

I rarely drink but I don’t think having 3 large glasses of wine with a meal on a special occasion is a big deal!