To be fucking pissed off at DP?

[Between4and30character]

I don't want to drip-feed so please excuse waffling.

DP and I have been together for four years, we previously lived together but due to circumstamces we can't help he is back with his parents and I am renting my own place with my DS.

Our finances have always been a bit of a guddle, he covered all rent and bills from his wage before and I would pay my half to him from my wages. Otherwise, most things were separate. It has grated on me before that once the bills are paid he thinks everything else is for fun, ie. I would end up covering food shopping and petrol where he would spend whatever he had left on concert tickets or going to the football. He did make more of an effort after I said it wasnt on but still spent more on himself than was fair IMO.

Anyway, even though we live apart I still transfer a small amount each month to cover my half of a credit card bill and my phone bill which are in his name. Generally speaking it has always been that bills come off his wage and then he lives off the rest for a couple of weeks until I pay him in the middle of the month.

Whilst he has lived rent-free at his parents, I have had to cover the costs of moving and rent/utilities by myself. I receive a small amount of universal credit to help with this on top of my full-time wage.

This month I have been left really short, I had to find a childminder to do after school care for DS as a couple of family members who usually help now have other commitments. UC pay childcare in arrears so I have had to stump up for a full month that I hadnt budgeted for - not eligible for advance and I am really struggling to make it to payday. I have managed to scrape together enough to cover the childminder but it is DS' birthday this week. I have got him a nice gift but no cake, no card and no little extras. I havent even got food in to feed the family menbers who will be visiting on the day.

I asked DP last week if he might be able to help me out until i get paid at the end of the month. He has just been paid. He said he couldnt afford to and listed a few things he had paid for but it didnt add up.

I dont want to waffle any longer but the jist of it is that he spent nearly £100 in one night in the pub, plus a stupid amount in the app store (£60ish) on a game that he plays, various other shite that is neither sensible or necessary, whilst having bare minimum living costs.

AIBU to be upset he refused to help me even a little hit but managed to spunk aoad of cash on this crap? I mean wtf?

You're getting a fair bit of unnecessary stick here OP.

I don't think yabu to expect help, especially as he'd already told you he would and then went and spend it on luxuries. As your dp, he doesn't have to help, but you're a partnership and as such I'd expect it. You've done it for him too.

Tbh I'd think seriously about just how far down his list of priorities and your your dc come and then think again about moving back in with him

I think it's ok to ask. It's unreasonable to expect. For reasons unknown. You are not partners, you don't live together, you don't share finances, and this isn't his kid. He is entitled to spend his salary as he sees fit. It doesn't matter if it's on games, nights out, whatever, his money his choice. Just like he can't judge how you spend your money

It doesn't matter you used to be partners, you're not anymore. You both took the decision to end that.

Either moneyis tight for him this month as he says, or he doesn't wish to give you it, none of us know the truth. It's up to you how you proceed.

YANBU to expect him to sub you a bit of money OP. I don't know what planet half of the people on MN are on sometimes. He has been your DP for 4 years. You've up-rooted your life for him and now, after an unexpected child care cost, you need a bit extra to get through the month. Relationships should be a partnership, whether you live together or not

He has been in your DS life for 4 years. What is he like a step parent in general away from the financial side? If he is not great on that front, I really think if I were you, I'd be re-considering this relationship

HE DOESN'T PAY ME ANY MONEY.

I was happy to be told I was being unreasonable but Jesus fuck can none of you actually read?

Densol Also, why would I claim CMS off him? He isn't my child's father?

Believe me, I would much rather have stayed living together than claimed benefits so please fuck off with the accusations that I'm trying to fleece the system.

I know he's not "legally obliged" to loan me anything, just as I'm not legally obliged to cover my half of bills which are in his name, but I do it because we are a couple. Do none of you in relationships ever help each other in hard times?

But, but he's not helping you out in a hard time - he's spending cash on himself rather than helping you.

I don't really know what you want from this thread tbh - we've mostly told you this guy is crap and not worth being with !! Hes not interested in a serious relationship or moving forward with you! He Doesn't have to give you can't money as you guys have separate finances - but it's lame that he won't help out - yea he's an idiot and bad with his money blowing it on games!!

What advice do you want??

You just attack everyone who gives any advice !

We agree with you - he is unreasonable !

He is no dp.
Not dear and certainly no partner.
Have you not actually considered you have been effectively dumped?

Yanbu. He should help you because that is what partners do. You can do better than a manchild!
I also don't understand what some other posters are reading - you were perfectly clear in your explanations.

I haven't attacked anyone who has offered advice.

I've hit back at people accusing me of benefit fraud or who have ripped me apart/ grilled me instead of bothering to just read the thread.

To those of you who have actually been constructive, thanks. You're right in that he isnt treating this like a relationship any more now that he has no responsibilities again.

@Between4and30character What do you like about him? What keeps you in this relationship?

Soon2Be

I know this is contradictory to what I've posted here but generally he has a very good heart, is genuine and honest, funny and treats me and my son well. The only bone of conention in our relationship is money, and even that has subsided as we no longer share the costs of living. I've painted him in a crap light here because I'm angry about his behaviour. Otherwise we have a good relationship and get along well.

Money is a massive element to a relationship. As said before financial maturity is the keystone of an adult relationship with responsibilities.

It underpins SO much.