To be fucking pissed off at DP?

[Between4and30character]

I don't want to drip-feed so please excuse waffling.

DP and I have been together for four years, we previously lived together but due to circumstamces we can't help he is back with his parents and I am renting my own place with my DS.

Our finances have always been a bit of a guddle, he covered all rent and bills from his wage before and I would pay my half to him from my wages. Otherwise, most things were separate. It has grated on me before that once the bills are paid he thinks everything else is for fun, ie. I would end up covering food shopping and petrol where he would spend whatever he had left on concert tickets or going to the football. He did make more of an effort after I said it wasnt on but still spent more on himself than was fair IMO.

Anyway, even though we live apart I still transfer a small amount each month to cover my half of a credit card bill and my phone bill which are in his name. Generally speaking it has always been that bills come off his wage and then he lives off the rest for a couple of weeks until I pay him in the middle of the month.

Whilst he has lived rent-free at his parents, I have had to cover the costs of moving and rent/utilities by myself. I receive a small amount of universal credit to help with this on top of my full-time wage.

This month I have been left really short, I had to find a childminder to do after school care for DS as a couple of family members who usually help now have other commitments. UC pay childcare in arrears so I have had to stump up for a full month that I hadnt budgeted for - not eligible for advance and I am really struggling to make it to payday. I have managed to scrape together enough to cover the childminder but it is DS' birthday this week. I have got him a nice gift but no cake, no card and no little extras. I havent even got food in to feed the family menbers who will be visiting on the day.

I asked DP last week if he might be able to help me out until i get paid at the end of the month. He has just been paid. He said he couldnt afford to and listed a few things he had paid for but it didnt add up.

I dont want to waffle any longer but the jist of it is that he spent nearly £100 in one night in the pub, plus a stupid amount in the app store (£60ish) on a game that he plays, various other shite that is neither sensible or necessary, whilst having bare minimum living costs.

AIBU to be upset he refused to help me even a little hit but managed to spunk aoad of cash on this crap? I mean wtf?

I assume not his given he is school age

Op this relationship has come to it natural end I think

You are not in a relationship OP. I repeat: you are not in a relationship. You have effectively split up from this person. You are therefore responsible for your own finances.

If you were my friend I'd help you out for your kid's birthday, let alone your partner. He sounds mean and immature tbh OP. Sorry.

And if you didnt have the money?

I find it very weird that people are saying it's not his child so nothing to do with him - they lived together at one point so presumably he has a relationship with the child. You'd bloody hope he'd have some interest in the child having a nice birthday. Christ, I'd help out a mate with their child's birthday if they were tight for money.

Could family bring a cake and some bits of food or even help you out financially.I would help my daughter in this scenario. They have cake mixes in the pound shop if you want to bake yourself .

Yes includes childcare of £72 a week

Of course a decent person would help the OP out even if it wasn't his child. A decent person wouldn't be wasting hundreds every month on gaming. But I think we've already established that this guy isn't a decent person, so what does the OP expect?

Oh I should say I put £3.5k a year in to private pension.
So for calculation purposes my income is £21.5k a year.

Sorry should have made that clear

Op

Be honest
He moved out do you could claim as single parent

I think he doesn't seem to have a long term commitment to the relationship. If he was committed he would be working towards getting a future together but it doesn't sound that way. It sounds like he is happy to opt out of any financial responsibility and is not thinking about getting the best job he can and saving for a joint home.

Of course a decent person would help the OP out even if it wasn't his child. A decent person wouldn't be wasting hundreds every month on gaming. But I think we've already established that this guy isn't a decent person, so what does the OP expect?

Really?

Decent people dont spend money on things they want to do? Spending on games makes you not a decent person?

He could be a shit. Or it could be simply, that she asked after he spent what he did have.

As a decent person do you keep money to the side incase someone needs to borrow it?

There could be 2 hugely different sides to this story.

One he is a shit and doesnr treat her like a partner should.

Other, that she is poor with money, didnt budget for her expenses and has a habit of borrowing money even though she has a very good income.

I just dont think anyone can judge either way yet.

Dowsnt look like OP is going to say why they dont live together. But again, if she relies on her partner for financial assistance, that could cause issues with UC as well.

S

Sorry I couldn't be bothered with someone like this. It's either a proper mature partnership or its nothing.

Stop paying towards his debts- his name his debts.

Your money is needed for your basics.

He's just not that into you is he?

As you are not living together is her paying child maintenance or contributing towards the child at all?

You’ve not mentioned if it’s his child?

Does he not pay maintenance?

Why are you in a relationship with a teenager ? Find a grown man, fgs.

He has a long history of being stingy with money when you lived together. He is continuing to be so now he is living at home. This should not come as that much of a shock tbh.

You would be wise to forge a life apart from him as he will likely be like this his entire life.

If ds is not his and you don't live together then YABU to expect any financial help from him.

However, he doesn't sound like a long term prospect so you'd be better of binning him anyway.

Why do people feel entitled to intrude into the OP’s finances when ultimately it is irrelevant.

the crux of the OP is that she needed some financial help, her DP couldn’t because it spent it on nonsense (in her eyes).

It’s not a judgement on how the OP budgets.

I think the relationship is at an end.

Ask one of the people who used to do childcare for you to help with card and cake.

From a practical point of view with regard to sorting cake,card,food , have you any clubcard(Tesco) or Nectar points (Sainsburys) that you could redeem? That might help in the short term .

cinderfrickingrella why would he be paying maintenance for a child who can not be his due to age/length of relationship.

He spent his money, you may not agree with what it was spent on but it was his to spend. He may want to help but simply can't due to having already spent it. This may simply be unfortunate timing.