To think that social skills need to be given more emphasis at school?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't mean just teaching children about kindness and good manners but more than that.

I've been lucky and both of my DDs have been naturally good at socialising but a number of my friends have children who struggle. Not due to spectrum disorders but they're just not naturally socially skilled.

That tricky line between knowing how and when to approach other children, how to relate well...I strongly believe that some people are born with an innate skill in this area and others are not...I wasn't. I've always struggled...my DH is skilled socially...I can see the difference.

I think that lunchtime supervisors should be more qualified and that they should be paid more.

There should be way more emphasis on it in general...I'm not sure HOW it can be taught but feel that it could be.

I can see where my friends DC struggle...I see what they do wrong...but only because I'm an adult now. As a child I was probably similar...this came up in my mind because yesterday my friend was in tears in my kitchen over her DD who has no friends despite being a very sweet and caring little girl she's always rejected by her peers.

Surely this could be fixed? I see it with another friend and her DS and my niece...am I being silly?

Social skills are taught and encouraged in schools. I'm not sure it should be the job of dinner time supervisors who have massive ratios and a noisy environment.

You say yourself you are not sure how this could be taught.

Poor schools, getting the blame again.

Not everything can be on the school curriculum. Schools are there to educate children, not to bring them up.

It’s down to parents. They have the most influence in early years. There’s no innate skill, it’s picked up externally.

Owlina I know it's not just school's responsibility but that's the natural place to being. I know the supervisors are busy. In an ideal world there would be specialist teachers though...properly trained.

My friend's DD had an amazing teacher in year 3. This woman went above and beyond to help her shy DD...she organised old fashioned circle games every break and encouraged the DD to take a turn at being "games master' and take charge....she did this with all the kids...my friend's DD had previous to that not been joining in at all.

It broke the ice massively and my friend's dd went from very, very shy to making a couple of friends.

It is taught in schools but I do sometimes wonder if there's anything left that is actually a parent's responsibility to teach their child! How many more things are schools supposed to cram in?

Given the amount of work kids bring home for homework I'm wondering if actually less time working in groups, sitting at tables with your back to the teacher/white board would be better for the kids?

I dont think you can force it tbh. I dont think it works like that.

Why exactly is it a school's job - especially when so much happens before they even get to school? And why on earth is that a lunchtime supervisor's job?

I keep thinking I have heard everything schools are supposed to teach, apparently not!

Also, in case you weren't aware, there are some sessions like that delivered to children in certain situations depending on their learning need.

Fin I'm not sure if it's ALL picked up externally. My friend who has the DD who struggles, is very sociable...very capable. Her DD has not picked up any of her skills.

But schools do stuff like you just said. So you want more?

Parents should be teaching this not schools. My mother taught us at the time I was but am incredibly grateful she did. These skills incalculably valuable in getting on in life - personally professionally and socially.

Maybe I ABU then. The consensus is that I am.

Perhaps children are just what they are...and some will never catch up socially. I know schools can't teach it all...I know parents have responsibility too.

I just feel sad for my friend and her DD.

I also think we need to stop viewing being shy or quiet as some kind of failure tbh. Some people are just like that. We should let them.be who they are rather than tell them.its wrong and try and throw then into uncomfortable situations

MrsSwift how did she teach you?

It isn't the schools responsibility to teach it. It is you as a parent

You need to get your child out and about from a young age,and mixing with other children without standing over them.

I know a few boys who have shy personalities but they have had no issues making friends with other children and talking to people simply because their parents made them interact with others socially from when they were toddlers.

I should have said "left" rather than "made"

My childrens school tries to do this, they have older children to help the ones who haven no one to play with and they have a group called a nurture group. However putting a group of different aged oddbods together. (I am including my children here.) Doesn't mean everything will be fine.

The primary my dcs attended had a play leader who helped kids play at lunch time. She had a list that she looked out for but all the kids were allowed to join in if they wanted - she mostly encouraged old-fashion playground games.

Schools are not there to do this.

Parenting job. Not a teacher's.

Shared that sounds good...it sounds like something children of all skills would want to be part of.

Sarah I strongly agree...but this isn't about being shy...but about the children who get rejected by their peers over and over again.

My DS was struggled socially according to the school's measures as a young child and the school "pushing" him wasn't at all helpful.

Basically, as a small child he felt everyone was his friend and was happy to play with anyone, provided they wanted to play what he wanted to do. If not, then he was happy to do it on his own. The teacher told me he "wasn't forming relationships" which really upset me at the time but in hindsight he knew his own mind and was happy in his own skin, didn't need the validation of his peers even then.

Now as an 18yo he has a wide circle of friends coupled with a quiet confidence that he can do anything he puts his mind too and a willingness to be different and be his own man. Most importantly through the teenage years, he couldn't be led into anything he wasn't comfortable with.

Who are schools (or anyone else) to define which social skills are most desirable, beyond basic good manners?

But if they have to change who they are to not be rejected what is that teaching them about themselves.

As a child who had zero friends at school. And was the subject of much piss taking. The last thing I wanted was to be part of some "project" and have people pretend to be my friend cos the teacher asked them too.

School’s are stretched hugely teaching Michael Gove’s curriculum, they have no space to wedge anything else in.

Who are schools (or anyone else) to define which social skills are most desirable, beyond basic good manners?

Well they're a place we think fit to send our children for the majority of their time!

Sarah I am not talking about a "project" but something ongoing for all children. The naturally friendly kids can learn something too.