To think that social skills need to be given more emphasis at school?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't mean just teaching children about kindness and good manners but more than that.

I've been lucky and both of my DDs have been naturally good at socialising but a number of my friends have children who struggle. Not due to spectrum disorders but they're just not naturally socially skilled.

That tricky line between knowing how and when to approach other children, how to relate well...I strongly believe that some people are born with an innate skill in this area and others are not...I wasn't. I've always struggled...my DH is skilled socially...I can see the difference.

I think that lunchtime supervisors should be more qualified and that they should be paid more.

There should be way more emphasis on it in general...I'm not sure HOW it can be taught but feel that it could be.

I can see where my friends DC struggle...I see what they do wrong...but only because I'm an adult now. As a child I was probably similar...this came up in my mind because yesterday my friend was in tears in my kitchen over her DD who has no friends despite being a very sweet and caring little girl she's always rejected by her peers.

Surely this could be fixed? I see it with another friend and her DS and my niece...am I being silly?

My sympathy however was tested when he shoved my dd and she nearly fell down the stairs.

@SarahTancredi The system lets them both down - your dd and the kid in her class.

There have allways been troubled kids. Always. And everyone's been through shit at some point.

I had to move pre schools when I was little as i was being picked on. I've always been picked on throughout school.

As have many children. Yet often even the fear of being sent to the corridor (outside the head's office) was enough to stop some.kids from.doimg some.shit some.of the time.

If a teacher threatened to call your parents you were terrified.

The adults raising the children today were the very kids in school back then .

something changed. Are kids and parents really so.much worse today than they ever were . Or is this a symptom of what happens when you pass on the responsibilities of even basic things on to schools?

What came first?

And before you say funding and staffing etc I wanna say that I dont remember any Tas ..I was in a class of 36 by end of primary. No.assistants nothing. If you read it was to a parent helper If there was one.

And it wasnt like this.

It wasnt great granted. School was miserable for me. I spent my lunch times alone most days. Kids were horrible to me. Teachers advice was " stay away" and all that shit and clearly interventions haven't changed as imschopla still wanna force people to work together or play together and imply theres a problem.wheh you dont relate to the kids in the class. But i guess at least when they got in trouble they got in trouble though.

My kids primary school seem to be doing pretty well with this.

Each of the infants has a junior buddy who meets with them regularly in the classroom, and (unofficially) regularly checks in on them in the playground.

The year 6's run a lunchtime games club. It appears that part of that is to approach those kids who are alone and encourage them to join in.

We have mixed year groups, and the kids are regularly mixed up to disrupt difficult groups or bad friendship combinations.

I think one of the big things is play dates. Having your child and just one other at home can make all the difference in forming friendships.

We do a lot of play dates, mainly because I think it's a good way to encourage different friendships and to see how the kids are together.

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I want to just flip some of the points you made. Not because I think you are wrong but because I think there's a different way of looking at it that maybe you hadnt considered.

First of all.

Each of the infants has a junior buddy who meets with them regularly in the classroom, and (unofficially) regularly checks in on them in the playground

Dd2s school issues the yr 5s as play ground help. They volunteer to do so even get special hoodies made. But also kids get picked or volunteer with other things The buddy system sounds lovely in theory. But to look at it from the other side, dd1 when she was there was picked and another girl was picked to look after another kid to go play with and make sure he wasnt alone . But sometimes he didnt want to talk to her or play with her as he sometimes liked to go off and do his own thing. So dd would spend her breaks in the infant play ground away from her friends watching another child and making sure she was there if he wanted to play. Great for the other child to have someone..not so great for dd who was alone at break time when he didn't want to play.

We have mixed year groups, and the kids are regularly mixed up to disrupt difficult groups or bad friendship combinations

Imagine being a child who was settled and got on well with their table partner and then had to move . If a child struggled to make friends this is extra pressure. And the flip side of this situation is actually the reality is theres a set group of kids who have ( usually the hard working quiet ones who want to stay on the good side of the teacher) have to take it in turns to sit next to children who may well make it difficult to do their work. This happened on a few occasion with dd. Makes for a quiet classroom in some respects but some of the behaviours were trying to stop still went on they had must stuck then.next tonkids who wouldn't tell them about it. This is a particular bug bear of mine as this very often falls on the girls and can be detrimental to their learning and well being.

When you are told about strategies, often they are framed as favours. It encourages this, it gives kids a chance to do that and it's allsome.positive experience. Theres a reality that's not always thought about or explored by people who.see these positive actions.

I'm.not saying that's what happens at your school but just that it's worth flipping things and thinking about.

As for the play dates. You are very brave bieber there have been a few threads where where playdates end up being used as free child care and parents start taking the piss. I'd be a bit wary. Just saying.

Not everything can be on the school curriculum. Schools are there to educate children, not to bring them up.

Exactly, I get fed up of the 'tell the school' posts about things which are the parents' responsibility. If you can't be bothered to teach your child social skills then don't have them!

Who decides what social skills should be taught if parents want to abrogate their responsibilities? I was once criticised because I was 'inflicting middle class values onto a poor child' when I insisted on the use of please and thank you, they hadn't been brought up in such an environment and I was wrong to try and change them!
After that I took the 9 to 3.30 attitude to many of the children and concentrated on my own.

I'm pretty glad you don't teach at my dc's school tilly. All of the schools my dc have gone to have had a clearly articulated set of values and have explained to the dc the behaviors that they are expected to demonstrate within those.
The schools have wanted to prepare my dc for adult life in its entirety, education is much broader than you seem to be suggesting.
Social skills, like presenting themselves well, listening to others, working collaboratively, confident public speaking, thinking of the impact your behavior has on others are worked on throughout the school year.

re buddies there are a great think. My son y4 has been a playground buddy since last year and I grown in confidence.