To think that social skills need to be given more emphasis at school?

[HennyPennyHorror]

I don't mean just teaching children about kindness and good manners but more than that.

I've been lucky and both of my DDs have been naturally good at socialising but a number of my friends have children who struggle. Not due to spectrum disorders but they're just not naturally socially skilled.

That tricky line between knowing how and when to approach other children, how to relate well...I strongly believe that some people are born with an innate skill in this area and others are not...I wasn't. I've always struggled...my DH is skilled socially...I can see the difference.

I think that lunchtime supervisors should be more qualified and that they should be paid more.

There should be way more emphasis on it in general...I'm not sure HOW it can be taught but feel that it could be.

I can see where my friends DC struggle...I see what they do wrong...but only because I'm an adult now. As a child I was probably similar...this came up in my mind because yesterday my friend was in tears in my kitchen over her DD who has no friends despite being a very sweet and caring little girl she's always rejected by her peers.

Surely this could be fixed? I see it with another friend and her DS and my niece...am I being silly?

@CassianAndor

Ok fine. You went to some schools and that was what you saw. Accepted.

The thread is about, and admittedly I'm paraphrasing "should schools be responsible for socialising our kids" and I stand by my answer of No, thats called parenting.

yes, you certainly are paraphrasing.

@AsTheWorldTurns I was "taught" how to clean my teeth at primary school. It was incorporated into a science lesson.

@Hoppinggreen Due to their cultural backgrounds I guess they interact with extended family and may have parents who practise a religion so have a "village".

@BishBashBoshy if she is academically able unfortunately she may find out she doesn't fit in until she reaches university, and the reason she can't make friends' currently is because her personality makes her stand out. I was lucky I had several nerdy friends throughout school though even though I've always had people calling me weird. However a couple of the friends I made later as an adult had a horrid time at school until they went to university.

I think Ted fancies being a politician. Has a fabulously bollocky way of twisting people's words Cassian

@HennyPennyHorror

Their duty of care extends to

1. Providing a good quality of teaching of the curriculum

1. A safe environment in which to learn.

Our children's social life, friendships, boundaries, discipline, kindness, manners, ability to get on with other kids, happiness etc etc is NOT their job.

That's parenting.

Ted where'd you get that from? Is that official or just "Ted"?

again, Ted, what is being suggested is that the teaching of social skills be incorporated into the curriculum. Personally, I think a good set of social skills can take you just as far, if not further, than an academic education.

Schools didn't teach SRE in the past. It was left up to parents, who often didn't, and thus it was deemed that schools take this on.

I would posit that this should follow suit.

I think private schools have more emphasis on this having had my dc in both.
Although both state and private taught table manners during lunch time.
Private has had debating clubs, a lot of emphasis on group work, music and singing recitals, showing people round the school collaborative clubs. Teacher feed back has included a lot of information about peer interactions and relationships. It hasn't just been academic progress there has been a lot of 'whole child' progress.

I agree OP social skills are transferable and very important in this time.

Why should it be up to schools to teach this?! It's up to us as parents. So what about the children of those of us who can't teach this because we don't have those skills ourselves?

Now, the headmaster was bonkers about manners. We all sat at tables for lunch and everyone - everyone left that school holding their knife and fork properly, not putting hands/elbows on the table, asking for things to be passed, putting their knife and fork together at the end of the meal etc etc. that's the basic stuff, and even I can teach that. What I can't teach is the subtleties of communication, what's happening in a meeting that isn't being said explicitly, is the person I'm speaking to open to my suggestion, am I seeming to be steamrollering them, am I being boring? It took me a long while to understand "well, mustn't keep you "means they want to finish the conversation, not that they think you do.

@HennyPennyHorror

It's what I I expect from the teaching profession.

We send our kids to school, clean, fed, watered, homework done, with the expectation and attitude to learn.

The teachers teach. In a safe environment.

The rest of their upbringing is down to us.

@CassianAndor

The teaching of social skills would be a lovely add-on, but it is not the job of teachers to make up for the deficiencies of parents. If ones child lacks confidence, friends, boundaries etc.. surely that's our job as parents.

Like where would this end.

@MereDintofPandiculation

"So what about the children of those of us who can't teach this because we don't have those skills ourselves? "

Do you think it's the schools job to fill the gap?

There are other agencies that can help you.

But just like reading or maths, not all parents are equipped to teach social skills. So i'm with you OP that schools are an environment where children congreagate alongside people with skills to teach. I think schools do a lot of this, but play times and lunch times could be used more. But budgets mean they wont

Ted so do you think it's wrong for schools to teach SRE?

A lot of what education does is make up for the 'deficiencies' of parents.

Not everything can be on the school curriculum. Schools are there to educate children, not to bring them up

Absolutely agree. Parents need to be responsible for their child’s upbringing.

@CassianAndor

Schools teach SRE. Of course.

Isn't this in addition to what children learn at home, rather than replacing what children learn at home.

You wouldn't expect your child's first lesson in sex to come from the school would you?

Nor would you expect the onus is solely on the school to teach your child about sex?

I wouldn't, but I'll bet for many children it is. Just because I would ensure my DD knows about SRE does not mean that I think that children who's parents don't tell them should be left in ignorance.

I don't know why you're saying 'of course' - I'll bet anything you like that loads of parents thought as you do about social skills and didn't think it was a schools places to teach SRE, it was for parents to do it.

ted

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time..no one has actually been able to exactly define what it is they think kids should be being taught that's beyond " dont be a dick" which should be covered by the bullying policy.

Many of these forced interactions make things a million times worse for the children akd kids arent stupid. They know if a person.liles them or not and they see through being used as part of some "arent we all.lovely " scheme teachers can tell parents about when the reality is as soon as the teachers out of view the name calling begins and your ruler is snapped in half .

Kids already have far to much homework as a result of all the extra stuff kids have to be taught on top . And now.people want to have even more piled onto teachers with no plans to hold parents and care givers to account for their failings.

Schools can't do everything op. Parents need to be responsible for something other than feeding, clothing and housing their dc.

sarah for me it would be excellent written and verbal communication skills - just as important as anything academic. People who can't communicate well will flounder.

But they already have to talk to each other in group work.

And learning to read and construct a letter with correct punctuation is also already taught

And as for talking to adults well those adults need to make themselves approachable first by not making the victims of bullying have to sit in a room with kids who have been mean to them and accept apologies infront of eager eyed parents

@SarahTancredi

Don't worry I'm not getting a hard time.

It's only the OP and one or two others who are in disagreement.

Most posters on here seem to agree that social skills are for parents to manage.

@CassianAndor

Just because some parents don't talk to their children about sex.. for heavens sake it is NOT the schools, governments or any other body's responsibility nor place to shore up parents deficiencies in parenting their own children.

Maybe you know, parents could take on this task regardless of how difficult it is.

There are other agencies that can help you. I had no idea. I've tried to find help for me but failed. What agencies could have helped my children?

no plans to hold parents and care givers to account for their failings So what would you suggest to be a suitable holding to account for a parent failing to teach their children skills they do not have themselves?

Most posters on here seem to agree that social skills are for parents to manage. Yes, they do. But they have no suggestions to help parents who do not themselves have social skills, other than leave their children to grow up without social skills. More than ever, social skills are crucial to the workplace, but not only are we failing the children, we are failing ourselves as a society because we are limiting those children's contribution to that society.

mere

Then surely there has to be some kind of personal responsibility. To look to see how you could perhaps teach yourself or find out where you think you are going wrong.

Or maybe there's actually nothing wrong with them , maybe the reason they haven't made friends is because the majority of the people who they know are just dicks.

People are very good at making you think you are somehow the problem when actually it's them.

What is one persons idea of someone having no social skills may be another persons self preservation skill .

for heavens sake it is NOT the schools, governments or any other body's responsibility nor place to shore up parents deficiencies in parenting their own children. Why not? Other people suffer if there are people amongst us who have grown up with inappropriate views about sex. Same with social skills. It benefits society as a whole if everybody has been given as much help as possible to function in that society.

You could say - why do schools teach basic numeracy and literacy? Those are skills everyone should have, so why should we expect schools to teach those. It's the parents' job.