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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

323 replies

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 22:47

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!


If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
MorganKitten · 16/09/2019 00:45

YABVU, ffs let him have a wank

Stompythedinosaur · 16/09/2019 01:00

Weird and inappropriate to order it if the dc can see.

But I think it is odd that you want to police his masturbation. And super odd that you describe using a sex toy as emasculating!

BrendasUmbrella · 16/09/2019 01:21

IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on

IM(personal)E - nope. He was upset and wanted to know why I didn't at least order one in the same size as his penis. I didn't really know how to give a polite answer to that...

BrendasUmbrella · 16/09/2019 01:22

It's grim that he'd order it on an account his dc's have access to. Very grim.

1forAll74 · 16/09/2019 01:36

I was thinking of getting one of those man toys for a bloke who is 60 soon, as going to his party in a couple of weeks, but would only buy something for about £ 3.50. and don't know the guys size anyway. Does size matter ?

gerispringer · 16/09/2019 01:38

Why does anyone need a bit of plastic to wank? Would one of those sex robots for her OH or DS be equally fine? The OP is worried about her relationship here. Now she’s worried about her teenage son. She needs a bit of support. I’d be concerned too. .

angell84 · 16/09/2019 02:01

I wonder was it DS or DH.

I bet it was DS

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/09/2019 02:19

Only on MN could be posters be agonising about how to clean it. No doubt a good soak in bleach then a spray of Zoflora at least twice a day would be the way forward.

Wiltshirelass2019 · 16/09/2019 02:26

Are the children teenagers? Might have been one of them ordering it...

serenoa · 16/09/2019 02:50

Get a grip.

Giggling over a midnight decaf and sarnie, the words that flashed into my head when I read this was 'How hard?'
Grin

PhilCornwall1 · 16/09/2019 04:17

Fleshlight isn't that just a fancy sock?

I thought it was a torch 🔦

Jesaminecollins · 16/09/2019 04:33

@Tacklesbarbie

This has made me smile - years ago I worked in A & E at a large hospital in a major city. Once in a while we would get men turning up with penis injuries - this is true I'm afraid. One told the doctor he had shut his penis in the car door - which was strange because it was covered in teeth marks. Another man turned up with a coke bottle stuck up his bum! Ouch! The worse one was a man who had got his penis stuck in a vacuum hose - the fireman had to cut it off. Men are strange creatures when it comes to sexual gratification.

PhilCornwall1 · 16/09/2019 04:42

Another man turned up with a coke bottle stuck up his bum!

Please don't say all the way up! I had tears in my eyes after my GP stuck her finger up my arse. It didn't help that she said to me afterwards "I hope that was alright for you"!!!

Jesaminecollins · 16/09/2019 04:45

@PhilCornwall1

I am afraid so - we also had a man with a teapot up there - I am not making this up. I used be on the reception and watched them limp in lol I would ask my friend the Doctor - whats wrong with him? He would say do you really want to know?? errmm .. yes ...

PhilCornwall1 · 16/09/2019 04:57

@Jesaminecollins a teapot???!!! ConfusedShock

Jesaminecollins · 16/09/2019 05:00

@PhilCornwall1

It was a small one I think - you would be surprised what people stick inside themselves which includes women but they sometimes have no choice and their partners have inserted something which was inappropriate and the poor Doctors have to remove them.

Jesaminecollins · 16/09/2019 05:05

@Tacklesbarbie

You could always offer him a pair of rubber gloves or if he is desperate an old football sock (I have heard of some men using these) which is much cheaper than buying something of amazon.

Jesaminecollins · 16/09/2019 05:05

off amazon

Stephminx · 16/09/2019 05:10

Yabvu. For the reasons already stated above.

The only thing I'd have an issue with is if the kids saw it - not wise, but then I remember finding my parents porn by accident. It was the second most mortified I've been in my life (the first being not that long after when I realised they had stumbled across mine - although hadn't actually said we all knew !).
However, it hasn't affected me and I turned out just fine. It's not necessarily a bad thing for older children to learn about sex and masturbation, although I suspect there are better ways to learn.

Stephminx · 16/09/2019 05:18

Ps - I'd also be finding out if it was actually his order or your son's order.

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2019 05:19

Yabu but you may know that now
Seems like it was your son not your dh anyway

Wildorchidz · 16/09/2019 05:57

It's grim that he'd order it on an account his dc's have access to. Very grim.

You have probably missed the several posts where the Op is now agreeing that it is quite likely that it’s her 15 year old son who has ordered it.

Goodlookingcreature · 16/09/2019 05:58

You’re controlling and your husband should leave you. You do not have autonomy over his body, how dare you? If he was doing this to you people would accuse him of domestic abuse.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/09/2019 06:04

Why do you believe you get a say on what sex toys he uses on his body?

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