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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

323 replies

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 22:47

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!


If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:20

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps I don't understand your tone? It really hadn't occurred to me that my DS would order this!!

OP posts:
Embracelife · 15/09/2019 23:21

How do you know it wasnt your ds who ordered it?

withlotsoflove · 15/09/2019 23:21

Sex aids sounds way worse than toys!
Aidssounds like something you’d buy from an old - fashioned pharmacy... stored next to the wheatgerm and the hot water bottles!
op l would just ask him next time?

FlamedToACrisp · 15/09/2019 23:22

@FuckFacePlatapus

Get a grip - no, her DH should, that way they'd have saved £42!

RabbityMcRabbit · 15/09/2019 23:22

OP I second joblot's comment...my friend discovered her 15 year old son's flesh light whilst cleaning his room...

Gollyfot · 15/09/2019 23:23

For all you know he’s ordered it and isn’t even sure he wants it

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:23

Oh no...it really hadn't occurred to me that my DS ordered it!!

Oh no.

OP posts:
WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 15/09/2019 23:24

I thought you meant because he was tech savvy he could see the order history, not he may have purchased it. I still can't see why that's not your biggest issue with it, if you share the account with your children.

gamerchick · 15/09/2019 23:24

You're bang out of order OP.

Still it'll teach him to go underground to buy his toys because his wife is controlling about how he wanks.

Order him one of these www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=38031 tell him you cancelled it because this is better. Try to redeem yourself a bit.

Gollyfot · 15/09/2019 23:24

Best thing to do is talk about it with him .

Yes obviously not hiding it from you .

There’s a lot worse a man can do .

I wouldn’t be repulsed and I certainly wouldn’t have made my excuses tonight .

combatbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:24

Hmmm I'm putting bets on a teen ordering it.

But even if it was DH YABVU to dictate how he masturbates, i cant believe you cancelled it because you were repulsed..... Its not for you!?

gamerchick · 15/09/2019 23:25

Maybe not if it's your kids order though. Maybe you should have a conversation with you husband.

bluegirlgreen · 15/09/2019 23:25

Why do the whole family share an amazon account? Weird!

Oh and yeah YABU. You had no right cancelling it.

joblotbubble · 15/09/2019 23:25

I can’t imagine it’s the tech savvy 15 year old - he’d be well aware how visible the purchase was & unlikely to choose his parents joint account as the payment method!

Teens order stuff all the time. Sometimes they get caught and sometimes they got away with it. If he got caught he would just deny all knowledge. Happens all the time with online stores and PlayStation/Xbox currency.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 15/09/2019 23:25

I agree with joblot and Rabbit. A 15 yo May be tech savvy but they all think money grows on trees.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/09/2019 23:25

Order him one of these www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=38031 tell him you cancelled it because this is better. Try to redeem yourself a bit.

I think it's a bit odd for OP to order her son one of those.

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:26

gamerchick well that looks a lot sexier - will keep in mind!

OP posts:
VaggieMight · 15/09/2019 23:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Derbee · 15/09/2019 23:26

Yep, ok

SaraNade · 15/09/2019 23:27

If your son is 15 years old, I'd 99% guarantee he ordered it. Probably took a chance hoping no one would see it in the order list until he received it then could have deleted it from the order history. Yep, 99% sure. Flesh lights are very very very big right now (no pun intended, I just can't think of how else to word it) with teen boys. I'd almost a year's salary on it that it was your son.

gamerchick · 15/09/2019 23:27

I think it's a bit odd for OP to order her son one of those

It was a cross post obviously.

WonderWomansSpin · 15/09/2019 23:27

You don't know exactly how it works. You don't know if he bought it for himself or for both of you. You don't even know if he ordered it.
fgs talk to him. And when you do, apologise for cancelling his order. It might be worth getting a separate account from your DCs too.

jacks11 · 15/09/2019 23:31

If you have used a vibrator by yourself, then it would be hypocritical for you to feel he should not do the same.

But really, I think ordering it from an account your children have access to is unwise!

Karkasaurus · 15/09/2019 23:31

You'll have to talk to him to find out.

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:33

Oh wow 😮 I'm definitely going to talk to my DH tomorrow about it as there is probably a very big chance, from these posts anyway, that my DS actually ordered it!

Help.

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