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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

323 replies

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 22:47

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!


If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
Curious2468 · 15/09/2019 23:06

Let the poor guy wank how he wants! I can’t believe you cancelled his order!

Fookinwot · 15/09/2019 23:06

So it’s ok for you to shove a dildo up your chuff but he’s repulsive for poking his nob in a meat massager? Aye ok pet Hmm

Bubbles121 · 15/09/2019 23:07

But @Tacklesbarbie are you saying you object to him using this private thing to find sexual pleasure without you or that you object to him having any sort of solo sexual pleasure? Why do you feel differently about him using his hand for a private wank? Surely that's no different to you using your hands to masturbate with rather than a vibrator?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2019 23:07

But not using it by yourself is your choice OP, and you’re missing out! Give it a whirl and you might relax a bit Grin

Ebonyandivory2 · 15/09/2019 23:07

Yabu. His only error is ordering on the shared account. Men are allowed toys too. You said yourself your sex life isn’t the same. It may have picked up recently but it’s likely to go back to not being great if kids and age are a factor. He’s probably got it for when the sex life isn’t so great so I wouldn’t begrudge him that

MolyHolyGuacamole · 15/09/2019 23:08

YABVU

donquixotedelamancha · 15/09/2019 23:08

IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on

I think many men might feel upset and threatened. Doing something about that feeling (other than talking about it like an adult) crosses a line.

YANBU to feel the way you do but you need to speak to him, not try to control him.

HennyPennyHorror · 15/09/2019 23:10

Can we not call sex tools "toys" please? They have NOTHING in common with toys.

Toys are for children. These are sex aids.

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:10

Mythreefavouritethings...and huge numbers come on here with parking issues etc!

OP posts:
hiphopchick · 15/09/2019 23:10
Biscuit
Divebar · 15/09/2019 23:10

Just because you choose not to use your vibrator privately doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with doing that. Presumably he hasn’t imposed that rule on you - it’s your choice? I think maybe a session on your own with your vibe might be good for you - you sound exceptionally uptight. You were out of order cancelling it - incredibly controlling.

joblotbubble · 15/09/2019 23:11

If you haven't spoken about it how do you know it was him that ordered it, given that it's a joint account?

ItsWitchingTime · 15/09/2019 23:11

Nah but hers is when they're together. He simply can't do that on his own!!

Yes it's crass to order on a site the children could see, unless they can't access that part but to cancel his order and make out like he's some sort of creep is not on.

Maybe you should get together with the lady from the other month who was disgusted that her partner had a cheeky tug before bed. For what it's worth op, hands get boring after a while and a good wank is pretty healthy.

Isadora2007 · 15/09/2019 23:11

Sex tools?!?! 😂😂😂
Who says toys are for kids @HennyPennyHorror? Why can’t adults play with adult toys and use them for sexual pleasure? Maybe you need a wank to lighten up a bit...

Lockheart · 15/09/2019 23:12

YABVU and controlling. It is not your decision how he masturbates.

The only issue here is he's ordered it off an account your children have access to.

HennyPennyHorror · 15/09/2019 23:13

Isadora I don't like the connotations of toys. "Tools" is a bit weird but sex aids is a proper term.

Aaaaarghh · 15/09/2019 23:14

Is it possible he bought it as a joke for a stag do or something? Seems unlikely though given the price and doesn't justify the joint account

YANBU to be cross he used the account shared by kids (did he know they can see order history? If not he should wise up) but I think YABU about the purchase, unless it's something you can't afford

chipsandgin · 15/09/2019 23:15

Hmm, the fake wanking vagina is a bit grim, but each to their own I guess, the use of the shared account is very stupid, the not being able to talk to him about it is the most worrying part..that’s something you need to sort out straight away.

As a side note I wonder how the fake wanking vagina is cleaned, I’m guessing not the dishwasher. There must be some pretty manky ones out there 🤢!!

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:16

joblotbubble oh gosh - our DS is 15 and very tech-savvy...I hadn't thought of that!!

OP posts:
IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 15/09/2019 23:16

Gross. I would also be reviled. YADNBU.

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 15/09/2019 23:17

our DS is 15 and very tech-savvy...I hadn't thought of that!!

Bollocks. Why mention it in your OP? 🙄

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 23:18

chipsandgin that's the grimmest part - it sounds much more complicated than a basic vibrator and therefore very unsexy and sadly very emasculating to me.

OP posts:
busybarbara · 15/09/2019 23:19

Finding this gross and not a vibrator is double standards.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/09/2019 23:20

I would also be reviled.

In this scenario, are you OP or the husband?

chipsandgin · 15/09/2019 23:20

I can’t imagine it’s the tech savvy 15 year old - he’d be well aware how visible the purchase was & unlikely to choose his parents joint account as the payment method!?

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