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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

323 replies

Tacklesbarbie · 15/09/2019 22:47

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!


If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 16/09/2019 17:20

@ThatCurlyGirl there should've been flowers there!! Thanks

OccidentalPurist · 16/09/2019 17:50

Just wanted to come on and say I've had time now to read further replies and, bar one or two more snarky ones, have actually helped enormously, thanks!!

RLOU30 · 16/09/2019 18:12

You didn’t name change OP just in case you want to report your post x

timeaftertime79 · 16/09/2019 18:19

Maybe he wants to spice things up? Maybe that’s why things died out from his perspective. Maybe he wants to explore different things but is too afraid to talk to you (understandable with your attitude, w*nking is perfectly normal - apparatus or not!) These are all maybes that you should be discussing with him. I wouldn’t feel offended, I’d be annoyed the kids might see it but would laugh that off as well to be fair as he would the one embarrassed.

TALK TO HIM!!!

CandyLeBonBon · 16/09/2019 19:55

Have you read the full thread time? Confused

ItsClemFandangoCanYouHearMe · 16/09/2019 20:10

The lack of communication and your reaction to him buying that is really sad IMO. This should be something you should both be able to discuss.

The fact it's a shared account with the kids is a whole other issue.

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 05:43

@Tacklesbarbie

I just read your update and I am sorry that your husband has done that to you. If I was you I would now order the biggest dildo you can purchase and have it delivered to your home with your husband name printed on the packaging - he needs to be taught a lesson!

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 05:45

husband's name

Snoozysnoozy · 17/09/2019 06:18

Jesaminecollins

Eh? What are you you on about?

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 06:34

@Snoozysnoozy

What I just said - he wants a pretend vagina to play with which has upset his wife so I would send him a big penis because he is one!!

motherheroic · 17/09/2019 06:36

After reading the whole thread your sex life has being lacking so he ordered a sex toy to use alone. Better than going out cheating.

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 06:40

@motherheroic

Yes I see your point but couldn't he have ordered something like a blow-up doll? I just googled that thing and it looks vile - like a detached vagina nothing like a real woman - neither are blow up dolls but they look better than that thing. I glad my husband is into fishing - it might be boring but at least he isn't ordering strange sex toys. He has just ordered a new rod which is quite expensive but he enjoys his hobby so I can't really complain.

Snoozysnoozy · 17/09/2019 06:53

He's a big penis because he'd like to masturbate?

A detached vagina is weird but a detached penis, as owned by millions of women is perfectly normal?

ChilledBee · 17/09/2019 08:01

Sounds like he is sexually frustrated and considering you've reacted this way to him having a sex toy, it seems clear you're on different pages about sex and intimacy.

A friend of mine discovered she was into kink and her husband shamed her for it so much it lead to their divorce. She can't even be in the same room as him.

alwayscauseastir · 17/09/2019 12:03

I've just read this story in the Daily Mirror 🙈

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 17/09/2019 12:19

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-mortified-husbands-x-rated-20079210

What a terrible paper the Mirror has become. I've just had to wade through a deluge of ridiculous nonsense to find that.

alwayscauseastir · 17/09/2019 12:25

@FiddlesticksAkimbo it came up on my Facebook feed and I just knew it would be a Mumsnet post. Mumsnet is free news for them sadly.

motherheroic · 17/09/2019 12:37

@Jesaminecollins I think the blow up doll is worse to be honest, they look like a joke and such a hassle.

At least you can hide the fleshlight in your sock drawer. There are other masturbation sleeves for men that don't look like a vagina but if he isn't having sex he probably wants to at least pretend that he is.

angell84 · 17/09/2019 12:42

It is on the mirror! There are journalists amongst us!

Hi mirror!

from123toabc · 17/09/2019 12:48

Seems slightly hypocritical that you are 'allowed' sex toys and he isn't.

He is your husband not your property, he doesn't have to ask permission to do something he enjoys.

To actually cancel the order comes across as controlling behaviour. You need to have a think about how you are treating your husband.

Derbee · 17/09/2019 14:10

Just seen this article on The Mirror

Moonmelodies · 17/09/2019 14:38

If he mounts attaches it to a wall you could store your vibrator in it.

KarmaStar · 17/09/2019 15:36

Yabu and very controlling

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 17:02

@Snoozysnoozy

I don't think some vibrators actually look like a penis (I have seen them) - before you ask I don't use one.

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 17:04

@motherheroic

Me and my other half don't use sex toys so we are probably boring when it comes to sex but I am happy with my sex life when we do have sex - at the moment he is in the dog house because of some sexist remarks he made about other women so I am giving him the cold shoulder.

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