To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

[Tacklesbarbie]

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!

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I would just casually say, ‘oh I cancelled that sex toy order because I was worried the kids would see it, can you order on a different account next time/can we look at different options that we can use together’ etc

Why is a fake vagina considered grim but a fake penis ( named after a fluffy animal) is ok? Perhaps if we renamed the flesh light a Gerbil or Hamster it would be considered more acceptable.

I grew up with just another sister and am finding the world of teenage boys like another planet entirely...quite terrifying actually with the advent of instant access to porn.

It's like they've evolved into a quite different species whereas females have stayed much the same.

Help

Just mention that you saw it to DH and say you accidentally cancelled it, see what he says. FGS don’t go all puritanical about it though. If it was your son he’s never going to ask you about it is he!

I've just seen the time and need to go to sleep now so will pick up on this tomorrow.

Thanks for all your replies as, you can appreciate, this isn't something I could talk to my friends about!!

I can't help feeling that there's something rather unsanitary about one of those flesh lights. How does one go about cleaning them, I wonder.

That aside, perhaps you could buy him one for Xmas instead? He could open it in front of all the family!

Alternatively tell him that you are fine for him to have one, providing that you can watch. That'll throw him off his stride.

"Emasculating" ?

I was going to say, how do you know it's not your DS, also!

If both your DH and your DS deny it then you're in a bit of a pickle though!

Talk to DH first. Say you cancelled it because it's on the group Amazon account. if it's him and he wants one, he needs to order it from an account the kids can't see.

If it's your DS, then I guess you just pretend like nothing happened (unless he was spending your money, in which case tell him not to spend your money on sex toys!)

If your DH ordered it I think you are out of line canceling the order. I’d be fuming if my DH decided I can’t use a sex toy and cancelled my order.

15 year old boys are horny all the time. Most boys start masturbating before puberty. My DS would have been the very first person I suspected when I saw the order, knowing what they're like. Has your DH ever ordered sex toys on Amazon before? Or has he ordered them from adult stores/gone to adult stores to buy them? A 15 year old boy who has no credit card and obviously is not old enough to legally attend an adult store himself, has little other window of opportunity to buy it. I've read so many stories of neighbours taking in parcels, or parents opening a parcel addressed to their son, thinking (as one parent of a 14 year old boy did) that it was simply lego or a video game, and saw a flesh light. The poor mum freaked out and was disgusted (I guess she shouldn't have opened her son's parcel). They are extremely common with the teen boys, they all talk about them.

He shouldn't have ordered it from an account that your kids also have access to and you shouldn't have cancelled the order. I actually feel sorry for him (and I rarely feel sorry for men) as he must feel pretty humiliated. Hopefully in future he'll think twice before ordering something like this from a website that you and the kids also have access to, and you'll think twice before trying to control him and deciding what he is and isn't allowed to do.

@CorBlimeyGovenor The same way one washes a vibrator. Fleshlights also have removable parts that can be washed.

SaraNade the more I read on here the more I'm convinced it's actually my DS, so will definitely talk to DH about it tomorrow!!

I've never had the inclination to use one on my own, and can never remember where he keeps them either!!

You ‘can’t remember’ where the vibrators are kept?

I’ve done some research and I think the ones made to look ‘realistic’ are quite weird and a bit perverse. You can just get plain plastic ones, which seems fine.

Same goes for women’s vibrators, does anyone have a ‘realistic penis’ one?

So, he buys vibratory which you use together. You could use yours on your own if you wanted to - he wouldn’t stop you. Fair enough, you choose not to buy that’s your choice, not his. He wants to use something on his own and you cancel the order.

YABVU and prudish too. Of all the things he could be using, a flesh light is the most mundane.

You should have looked to see who the package was being sent to. If your son ordered it I doubt he would have it sent to his father's name.

It would have said on the order itself. What did it say OP?

Can we not call sex tools "toys" please? They have NOTHING in common with toys.

They have everything in common with toys: their essential purpose is fun and enjoyment.

Tools are for work, they provide a more efficient means of performing a mundane task.

Anyone in need of sex ‘tools’, rather than sex ‘toys’, is doing sex really really wrong.

So relieved I've given up sex and men.
Fleshlight isn't that just a fancy sock?

You should have looked to see who the package was being sent to. If your son ordered it I doubt he would have it sent to his father's name.

It’ll still show in cancelled orders so that’s easy enough for the OP to find out.

An apt post as until today I didn't know such things existed unless in the form of a full size doll or liver inside a cup.

I was browsing on Ebay, hit the other items sold by seller and came across this:

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Bangers-Vibrating-Wet-Pussy-Ass-Male-Masturbator/273998701561?hash=item3fcb9863f9:g:D1EAAOSwb9hdc-sW

If my partner bought this I know I'd feel.... weirded out.

I've used a vibrator but not to replace a penis of a man in the bed, lying next to me.

OP, if it turns out that your DS rather than your DH ordered it, you will need to get over your unpleasant prudishness even more so. There is nothing wrong with a teenage boy wanting a sex toy. He's not going to get anyone pregnant or catch any STIs from a toy, and if he wants to wank, that is even less your business than if your H does.
Masturbation is recommended by sex therapists as a way to learn about your own body and about what you like. It's healthy.

**Can we not call sex tools "toys" please? They have NOTHING in common with toys.

Toys are for children. These are sex aids.**

Bahahahahaha GOLD!
Adults are allowed toys too. Bet you dont call it playtime either?

OP, YABVU and controlling. You have toys, this no different
Let the man wank how he wants

Oh OP it will be hilarious if your DS ordered it. Poor DH getting the cold shoulder.