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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to family party

320 replies

GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:42

I'm really hurt by this- AIBU? My DP's sister and her family live a 5 hour drive away. We don't see them often, although I know them well and we have (had?) a good relationship. I'm not married to DP, although we have been together for 10 years and have 2 children. We have stayed with her a few times and she has stayed with us. Our children are similar ages.

Tonight is her 40th birthday party. My DP has driven down there and is preparing for a good night out. I was not invited. There was no mention of me coming and he didn't challenge why I wasn't asked. It's a house party so not really restricted by numbers. I was hurt and he knows this. However, (and this is the bit that really kicks me when I'm down) today I found out that his best friend was asked instead and they have gone to the party together.

I’m gutted and now feel that I am not seen as a part of their family, yet the best friend is? My DP showed me the initial invite message which states, 'it would be really good if you and best friend could come to the party.'

AIBU to be hurt?

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 14/09/2019 19:44

What was your DP thinking of, not challenging this?! Confused

Nc1737383 · 14/09/2019 19:44

YANBU. But did you query with your DP? What did he say?

angelopal · 14/09/2019 19:46

You sure he just didn't pass on the invite as he wanted to go with his friend.

Windydaysuponus · 14/09/2019 19:48

Send her a message wishing her a great night.
See what she replies.
Bet it's a 'sorry you couldn't make it'....

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:48

I did challenge it. Didn't at first as I didn't really believe it. But he showed me the message from them today- it clearly states him and best friend. No mention of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:49

Angelopal I wondered the same 😞

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 14/09/2019 19:50

Is it possible she thought that you wouldn't be able to get a babysitter? Even if this is the case, she should surely still have invited you.

Any chance DH asked her to address the invitation to him and a friend, rather than him and his wife?

Angelf1sh · 14/09/2019 19:51

Yanbu, but I’d be surprised if she had deliberately not invited you. Maybe the invite was to all of you and the best friend? If you were excluded and you’ve not knowingly fallen out then she’s a bit weird

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:52

It was a text message invite, but I suppose it's possible. I've been sad all day but the anger is kicking in now.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 14/09/2019 19:52

Wow. I would be bloody furious with my DP in this scenario.
He needed to question why you were not on the invitation and to ask for you to be included.
Is it adults only? Is it assumed you would stay home with the kids? You should at least have had the choice.

Witchinaditch · 14/09/2019 19:54

Maybe there were expecting you to stay home with the kids? That’s crap though OP. Some people are thoughtless with strange ideas of family. I’d be pissed off with my DP for going though.

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:54

He's now admitting that he should have asked and is begging forgiveness. Over text- while living it up with his mate at the party Angry

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 14/09/2019 19:55

Actually maybe they just assumed you’d be going? My family never invite my DP but it’s just assumed he will be there.

Smelborp · 14/09/2019 19:55

Yeah that’s extremely rude. Also very odd of your partner to not challenge it or ask why he’s got such a weird invite. Unless as others said he’s asked for his best friend to go instead.

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:56

Witch I really hope that you're right and they just assumed I'd babysit. As far as I know no kids are at the party

OP posts:
Smelborp · 14/09/2019 19:56

I’d be furious too OP.

DoolinEnnis · 14/09/2019 19:57

Yanbu i would be fuming but if my dp didn’t ask I certainly would’ve done

NerrSnerr · 14/09/2019 19:59

Are you sure they didn't just assume you'd be going as well? If a family member sent that to one of us we'd assume it was a joint invitation (or triple if friend invited too)

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:59

That's exactly what I should have done! Really wish I had now

OP posts:
Windygate · 14/09/2019 19:59

He didn't want you at the party. Sorry.

ChikiTIKI · 14/09/2019 20:00

That's awful I'm sorry you've been excluded. I would've sent my DH with the children if he insisted on going without me :)

FamilyOfAliens · 14/09/2019 20:01

Don’t answer his messages or even read them.

Don’t start a conversation with him about it when he gets back. Let him do the apologising and don’t tell him it’s fine. I’d be very upset about this.

And book yourself a great night out with your friends, but not him.

BumbleBeee69 · 14/09/2019 20:01

there is way more to this OP. Your DP is a shit of grand proportions for not even questioning this.. and his Sister is a shit for excluding you (if that is truly what she did). Flowers

AlwaysCheddar · 14/09/2019 20:03

Your dp should be asking now!!!

Cryalot2 · 14/09/2019 20:03

Thats wrong op . No wonder you are upset.
Leave it be tonight and wait to your partner gets home and is sobered ( if he has been drinking) take a calm moment and ask for a valid explanation.
It needs to be sorted.

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