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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to family party

320 replies

GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 19:42

I'm really hurt by this- AIBU? My DP's sister and her family live a 5 hour drive away. We don't see them often, although I know them well and we have (had?) a good relationship. I'm not married to DP, although we have been together for 10 years and have 2 children. We have stayed with her a few times and she has stayed with us. Our children are similar ages.

Tonight is her 40th birthday party. My DP has driven down there and is preparing for a good night out. I was not invited. There was no mention of me coming and he didn't challenge why I wasn't asked. It's a house party so not really restricted by numbers. I was hurt and he knows this. However, (and this is the bit that really kicks me when I'm down) today I found out that his best friend was asked instead and they have gone to the party together.

I’m gutted and now feel that I am not seen as a part of their family, yet the best friend is? My DP showed me the initial invite message which states, 'it would be really good if you and best friend could come to the party.'

AIBU to be hurt?

OP posts:
Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 20:03

Family I have been trying to ignore him but it's so hard as I just want to yell about what a shit he is. Plus I have the feeling that he'd love me to stop texting so he can have fun guilt free!

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 14/09/2019 20:04

They probably just assumed you'd be the handy babysitter. My in-laws do it all the time to me, Muggins the Babysitter whilst all the "actual family" sit around and have fun (I now refuse to go).

TipToeToothFairy · 14/09/2019 20:05

Based on the text message and that you've been together 10 years I'd think "you and best mate" meant you both and his mate

Alwaysgrey · 14/09/2019 20:06

That’s really really crap form on both parts. No wonder you’re angry.

DaphneFanshaw · 14/09/2019 20:06

It sounds like your DP is the problem here. What did he actually say to you about the party ?
Like a pp My family never formally invite my DP to any events, it’s just assumed he knows he is welcome.

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 20:07

You are all right. Especially as it's a weekend away rather than a night out because of the distance. He has chosen a weekend away with a mate and all his family rather than with me. Says it all really.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 14/09/2019 20:08

Family I have been trying to ignore him but it's so hard as I just want to yell about what a shit he is.

Then tell him what a shit he is and turn your phone off. And tell him you’re turning it off.

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 20:09

He said he'd been invited and would go even though he'd rather not without me. I was upset when he told me, and am kicking myself for not pushing it further

OP posts:
DaphneFanshaw · 14/09/2019 20:10

I don’t understand why you and his mate couldn’t have gone Confused
Did your DP talk to her about it before she sent the text that he showed you ?

FamilyOfAliens · 14/09/2019 20:10

You’re not to blame, OP, he is.

I’m not surprised you’re annoyed. It sounds like it was a big family do Sad

DaphneFanshaw · 14/09/2019 20:10

Sorry x post.

Ginger1982 · 14/09/2019 20:11

Gosh, I'd be fuming. Did you have no contact with any of his family between the invite coming and the party where you could have casually mentioned it to gauge whether or not you were invited? She might have meant 'you' as in both of you in the text plus friend.

I would find this hard to forgive. It just shows exactly how much he values you. Don't reply to him all weekend.

BigFatLiar · 14/09/2019 20:11

Why doesn't he see you as his 'best friend'?

incognitomum · 14/09/2019 20:12

That's awful. He's a shit.

PatchworkElmer · 14/09/2019 20:12

I’d be hurt by the lack of invite, but more hurt if DH went without me.

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 20:12

Daphne he kept the fact his mate had been invited from me. He said he thought they were weird for not inviting me but he'd have to go as 'she's his sister.'

I only found out about the mate when he posted something about the weekend on Facebook.

OP posts:
Bumbags · 14/09/2019 20:12

You should have posted this last week.

We would have got you to that party.

Scrumptiousbears · 14/09/2019 20:12

My SIL has done this to me. She Invites DP out for dinner for his birthday with her fella and just DP. Until now I haven't evening thought about it as me being left out. Hmmmm.

incognitomum · 14/09/2019 20:13

It gets worse!

Original poster
GameOfGroans · 14/09/2019 20:13

Bumbags that's the first thing that's made me laugh all day!

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 14/09/2019 20:14

I would be telling him that its obvious your not valued and respected by him or his family and your considering all your options before you see him again

stucknoue · 14/09/2019 20:14

You is plural too so perhaps he misinterpreted, or even he spoke to her prior and said you would need to stay home (hope not!)

Divebar · 14/09/2019 20:14

Surely they meant the both of you? Won’t they be asking where you are? That being said my friend is married and her husband goes to “ family” dinners on a Sunday which entail him and his siblings and parents but none of the partners or children. Completely fucking weird in my opinion.

TroysMammy · 14/09/2019 20:14

I hope you didn't spend the time and effort looking for the perfect birthday gift for his sister.

meccacos2 · 14/09/2019 20:15

He didn't want you at the party. His family didn't want you at the party.

I would really start to detach. There is no reason for such fuckery, unless they want you out.

Don't respond to his texts. Prepare to leave.

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