Not invited to family party

[GameOfGroans]

I'm really hurt by this- AIBU? My DP's sister and her family live a 5 hour drive away. We don't see them often, although I know them well and we have (had?) a good relationship. I'm not married to DP, although we have been together for 10 years and have 2 children. We have stayed with her a few times and she has stayed with us. Our children are similar ages.

Tonight is her 40th birthday party. My DP has driven down there and is preparing for a good night out. I was not invited. There was no mention of me coming and he didn't challenge why I wasn't asked. It's a house party so not really restricted by numbers. I was hurt and he knows this. However, (and this is the bit that really kicks me when I'm down) today I found out that his best friend was asked instead and they have gone to the party together.

I’m gutted and now feel that I am not seen as a part of their family, yet the best friend is? My DP showed me the initial invite message which states, 'it would be really good if you and best friend could come to the party.'

AIBU to be hurt?

Sometimes you can smell a rat, even when it's five hours away.

You've been with him 10 years and have children with him and this is how he treats you!!!??
Says it all really.
Disgusting. I would be furious (and I'm a very easygoing person)

How bizarre

I think your other half shouldn't have gone

It was very rude of him to snub you like this x

HollowTalk and CrotchetyQuaver both gave particularly good advice, I thought.

I'm not surprised you're pissed off and hope you get to the bottom of what happened. In the meantime enjoy planning your own weekend away.

I'd be stunned if she wasn't including you in her message. It sounds like he just wanted away on his own. The fact he never questioned it to me means he didn't want her to say "of course GOG is invited!!" He should feel bad...

If I sent a message inviting a friend I'd automatically assume it included other half unless it was a definite girls' night only type invite. I assume it was similar with your sil. I'd definitely have gone. Bet she's asked your oh where you are.

Another one who thinks your invitation would be assumed...

Op, your DP is a total knob. This is way way way off how anyone should be treated after ten weeks let alone ten years. I would be furious at my DP if he did this. I think you have to text the disorder at some point to get full clarity as to whether or not she left you out. Do it the way a PP said to, around Monday evening in a nice, way.

Even with my children, I assume oh will turn up for lunch. My children assume likewise. That's just what people do. If your oh thinksotherwise he needs to grow up.

Thanks all, going to step away from my phone now and try and get an early night (after a large glass of wine).

I've had some great advice and plan on having a frank conversation tomorrow!

*sister not disorder (though she is out of order!)

Oh god how horrible! I think I'd tell him not to bother coming back and change the locks.. what a complete and utter bastard!

It’s shit he’s grovelling now. He should have sorted this out before.

Could you have left your dcs with someone if invited?

right op - where would like to go for (a) weekend by self (Christmas Market maybe, or to a spa) or (b) with a girlfriend or mum or group of girl friends without dc because he will be looking after them, arrange before he comes back & inform him as he will also be paying for it (plus maybe some new clothes …

I would have to get to the bottom of this. I'd text DP to say he must find out why I wasn't invited. It's disgraceful and so selfish of him to go without finding what's going on and challenging DS-i-l. I am so sorry, you must feel awful. My OH pulls stunts like this and it's always because of weird family stuff. But I'm standing up for myself more. It's all in the context of your relationship with him. If it's mostly good and he's considerate then he carries some credits. But if he's often this insensitive and selfish then you have to do some private thinking about what you can stand. Also, these days I wouldn't hold back from communicating directly with DS even after the event. I think you deserve at least to know what's going on.

Reading this my first thought was perhaps your invitation was implied and your DP has just taken their words very literally and assumed as they didn't mention you by name that you weren't but they assumed you would be going? Or he just fancied a night out his own and has either deliberately or sub consciously opted to infer the invite was for him alone. Either way I really feel the finger is pointing at him.

Your DP is a shit.

Blimey that's a serious level of shit behaviour from your DP here.

Not quite so sure I'd be having a chat about it though - he'd be coming home to his belongings on the lawn.

There was recently a thread here where a brother was getting married and didn't invite his brother in law. Everyone agreed that it's totally fine and understandable and the sister was creating unnecessary drama and should just go and how brother in law is not family. I don't really have a horse in wither race so I'm curious what makes this situation different. Is it because in this case there is no restriction on space?

For what it's worth, I think your partner was being a twat. I think he just wanted a weekend away. It is possible that you were not invited but "you" could totally mean both of you and your partner could have clarified.

More like everyone is wondering where you are and his sister is desperate not to admit she left you out because they'll all think she's a bitch, so your partner is frantically texting lest you reveal her fun-loving antics.

Don't get pissed or you will text them something you regret but he could fuck off for quite a while for me. She could just fuck off, and I'd be telling him what a bitch she is/prick he is while I was at it

Also. I sincerely hope you had no hand in organising or paying for the birthday gift.

grimpen that's a bit mean and unnecessary

Know you having an early night OP so for the morning... I would be mad about the sneaky way your dp didn't tell you about the fact his friend had gone and that you didn't know for sure until you saw it on fb. I think he's organised this all and blamed it on his dsis knowing that you aren't likely to speak to her. An ex bf did something similar to me years ago. He pretended he wasn't going to a party after all and had to work but his friend unknowingly dropped him in it but talking about the party. He thought he'd have more fun with his mate than me.

Why did your DP go without you and went with best mate? DP out of order - shouldn’t have gone - but now taking the piss and going with mate? Why?