Partner pays more towards rent so expects me to do all the chores. AIBU?

[Milosunshine]

I’ve lived with my partner for nearly 2 years. It has always been he pays the full rent, gas and electric etc. and I pay the food bill, council tax, tv & broadband. He was the one that suggested it was divided like this.

I do all the housework, cooking and general errands that need running. We both work full time however I am in earlier than him. It’s the second week back from the holidays, I work in a sen school and it’s been quite tiring. He’s pointed out today that the fridge and microwave needs cleaning, I asked could he do it when he gets in from work later and he’s completely lost his shit. He said he pays more of the rent and he shouldn’t be expected to do anything it should be all down to me. I don’t mind doing 90% of the chores, but was I unreasonable to ask just this once if he could help me?

Why are you with him?
He will only get worse.

Yes yabu. It's absolutely ridiculous that you don't mind doing 90% of the chores. Invite someone to treat you like a doormat and they will

If he lived on his own he'd pay all the bills and do all the housework

Fucking hell, what a dick.
This is not normal - your ‘DP’ is horrendous.
Please don’t stay with someone who treats you like this.

Wow what a knob. No you’re not BU. Just because you earn less doesn’t mean your job is any less tiring.

We have a joint account so don’t count who pays what, but my husband earns ~60k more than I do. I’m home more so do about 70% in the week. At weekends we split 50/50. He may earn more but he wants me to have similar amounts of down time to him. If I did it all I’d be running around all the time and we’d never get any time together!

Please don't have children with this man. He's a twat.

He is a rubbish partner. LTB.

Oh and just to add, my DH pays all the bills and still does housework. Because he's not a twat.

The voting poll currently has YANBU at 106%! It's right. Your DP is behaving awfully. You're not his hired help.

I don't think who pays what should have any bearing on who does what here. If you have a little bit more time then doing a little bit more is fair - but not to the extent you are. He is taking the piss out of you and you are letting him, and it's only going to get worse unless you put a stop to it now.

Don’t tie yourself to this man.

God, I couldn’t imagine being treated like that.

What an arse. Seriously consider why you are with him. He is more than a cf. He sounds like an entitled little emperor who thinks he is more valuable because he earns more. 🙄 So disappointing that people still raise their sons to have his attitude.
Next time he tells you something needs cleaning tell him he knows where the cleaning cloths are. And plan your escape route from the relationship. 💐💐💐 for you op xx

His reaction is more of a worry.

I couldn’t be with someone who can’t have an adult conversation without losing his shit.

Thank you for all your replies, it’s reassuring to read because he made me feel so lazy! He threw back in my face that he brought me home flowers yesterday. He said that showed how grateful he was for all that I do but I still don’t think that it’s reason to speak to me like this.

Leave while you can.

Imagine becoming ill and needing long term care and kindness. Or having a baby (please don't do this!) and expecting him to do his share (he won't) to be told that it's all down to you etc.

Tell him you'll buy him flowers if he even did some cleaning.

How much more than you does he earn? What proportion of each of your take home salary do you spend on bills?

You work the same number of hours, so should do the same amount of household chores. Pay doesn’t come into it. You are not employed by him.

I ticked that YABU. Why did you ever get yourself into such a ridiculous situation? Sort it out or leave.

We actually were due to have a baby.. unfortunately I miscarried 2 and a half weeks ago. I was 11 weeks. He was amazing during the pregnancy and just after our loss but it seems like it has all been forgotten and the chores are down to me again.

My partner and I have a similar arrangement regarding bills and stuff. I also do most of chores right now because I have more time to do them.

I’d be seriously contemplating our future together if he behaved like that as living with a total fucking arse was not what I signed up for when I moved in with him.

I would send him the massive bill for retrospective housekeeping. Then not do anything until it was settled.

As for the flowers and showing gratitude - just wow.

Leave whilst you can

Two people working full time and one expects the other to be their live in housekeeper shows a horrible lack of respect.

You deserve better OP. As a PP said, imagine having a child with him or falling ill. Given his willingness to structure the household in an unequal way, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd be the sort of man to have children but tell his partner "it makes sense" for her to come out of work, spends his time avoiding any adult responsibility because he works and won't marry the woman making the sacrifices because he knows that it's in his interest to have a massive get out of jail free card. If he has a go about the fridge, could you imagine his response to a partner seeking legal protection.

So sorry to hear about your MC, Op

What was your reaction to his apology op?

If you accepted it your allowing him to say stuff like because all he has to do is say sorry and that's it. It's not you need to tell him he is out of order, how it's made u feel then he is more like to stop being a twat or confirm to you that if it continues your in for a miserable time and you need to kick him in to touch.

Do not have a child with him, otherwise you will end up doing all the childcare AND the housework.