Cultural thing or is my DFriend a CF?

[Henrysmycat]

About 15 years ago, I was working in another European capital and I got close to a colleague from the US. We were 2 of the few females in the office.

I was on a huge package with very generous extras that included entertaining clients and some colleagues. So, if I took clients for some drinks/meal, I included her and paid for her. She was always up for a freebie as she was saying. I stood by her while her first marriage broke down during that time as well.

The secondment finished, we both returned home (London for me and NYC for her) We maintain a friendship via Social Media/phone/email and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding 2 years ago.
Roll on to this summer and we agreed for her and her DH to visit. They decided on 10 days. DH (Scottish/Northern England) is not very positive on her (“too loudmouth, argumentative American” as there was an incident at her 2nd wedding) but he’ll do anything for me.
They stayed for 10 days and it was hell for us. They expected all transportation (including a 4 hour trip to drop them-off/pick them up twice while I had to work), never lifted a finger as I was coming back to piles of dirty dishes/cups, never paid for anything for themselves nevermind us. The bill would arrive and they stare at it. After, about 5 days and various London amusements and expensive restaurants “they had to try” I had spend way over 1K and had to put a stop to it. I ended up cooking at home and dealing with the mess. I’m not poor but I’m not one to spend £500 on Marcus Wareing dinner and not bat an eyelid.
My AIBU is this a cultural thing? I know plenty of NYorkers but none that close. Is it normal for them to visit and expect everything paid for? They arrived empty handed despite her big career in fashion where she picks 100’s of freebies (posts them on FB). Not even a crappy souvenir from the NY.
I’m from the Med and the Arab World so I have different beliefs of visiting and staying with friends but even for British standards, I felt used like a hotel. They didn’t even SAY thank you at all which pissed off my husband. Not a single thank you.
It left a bad taste in my mouth and I dunno if it’s a cultural US thing or I’m expecting too much to Middle Eastern hospitality and I shouldn’t.
AIBU?

Not cultural. Just rude, thoughtless and as we say in the Southern US, TACKY.

Its not cultural but I have found that when American friends invite us out for a meal they demand to pay because it was their treat.

I have NYC friends who stay. They arrive laden with wonderful gifts, they clear up after themselves, they insist on paying when we eat out and are very grateful for our hospitality. I don’t think it’s a cultural thing I think they are taking advantage of your generosity.

They've taken the piss, be it deliberately or through misunderstanding.

So I would say what a lovely time it was and invite yourself over to NYC! And absolutely rinse them mercilessly

Not cultural (American here). Normal to treat hosts to meal, help clear table, do dishes after.a “hostess gift” absolutely de rigeur. In US, if guests are “country” (from rural areas ) they may even start doing your housework ( which can be a bit unsettling!)
I had some guests from DC once who clearly stayed with us to save money on hotel bills, but they were ok otherwise. We picked them up from Heathrow (which I would always do because of jet lag, general
tiredness) , but when they left, I directed them to the tube, and they looked shocked. So maybe US dependence on car travel came through.
Yours CFs & probably skint

Definitely NOT cultural! Very rude, and very strange.

After one or two meals of you being generous hosts, just pay for your half, and hand the bill to them to pay their half!

OMG so a possible slur against NYC has now been broadened to include all of North America and possibly Canada?

Imagine making comments like this about other parts of the globe??

People are individuals.... I thought such generalizations were a bit racist really.

I thought such generalizations were a bit racist really.

Anti-Americanism is quite common on MN and generally ignored until it reaches epic proportions.

American isn’t a race though. You cannot be racist against “Americans”.

I honestly don’t know what the problem is. I thought by ignoring comment on racism and chauvinism would make silly comments go away but they continue.
If you read any of my subsequent replies your realise there’s nothing racist (never mentioned their colour, creed, social standing or anything).
I was trying to grasp at straws as to their behaviour.
Deep down I was looking for an excuse because I refused to believe I was done by a CF. (I know different now).
For the very last time it’s not a slur against Americans or the Brits or anybody else.

I thought, maybe someone would come and tell me “it’s ok, this is how NYC people do things. When we have visitors we pay for everything blah blah” so I would feel that I was not taken for a ride.
Thank you.

Anyone knows how I can ask MN to shut this threat.

Just hide it OP, do you know how to do that? Then you will be blissfully unaware of the negativity!

my aunt lives in dubai with her husband. she is english, him from dubai, but shes been there 30+ years. she regularly comes "home" to england and will inform you "im coming on 12th and staying with you.". extremely rude. while here she expects you to pay and likes to eat out, daily. she will say "do you have any wine in? send your husband to the shop for some wine". she will also openly at dinner tables say "are you paying for this, we are guests?".

however when in her country she will stock the cupboards full of food and her house is stunning and very welcoming. But she also expects you to pay for the meals out there. one of her siblings once "jokingly" asked her how this worked, why isnt she paying for his meals because "hes her guest". she explained it was because her house was so amazing and her new country so incredible that we are basically honoured to go visit her and we are getting a "better deal" from the situation. she is allowing you to have such a fantastic experience that you owe her one. (however none of her siblings are short of money and would actually prefer to stay in a hotel but she would go nuts and be offended)

could it be something similar? she feels shes doing england a favor by being here?

The culture bashing is quite cringy.

The Americans I know are some of the most generous warm people I've ever known.

She is clearly an entitled CF.

"I was on a huge package with very generous extras that included entertaining clients and some colleagues. So, if I took clients for some drinks/meal, I included her and paid for her

Maybe the early experience set the scene. You were living large on your expense account - maybe you gave her the impression that you are happy to pay for everything . Just a thought."

My thoughts exactly @ShippingNews

Oh and I've met some incredibly generous Americans who showered us (who were complete strangers to them but had my sister in common) with massive xmas gift baskets and tonnes of food and drink for me, DH and 2 kids. I'm still gobsmacked and it was 8 years ago!

Op I am
American (but lived in London for decades) and didn’t read it as bashing at all. Seemed a perfectly reasonable question trying to fathom inexplicably rude entitled behaviour.