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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and his friend speaking German in front of me

202 replies

CassandrasCastle · 07/09/2019 16:20

I'm currently at a festival with my bf and his good friend, who's German. Bf is fluent in German, and the friend speaks English but quite slowly/hesitantly. Sometimes he'd need to glance at bf for a translation.
They're both also taking some acid, which I said I was fine with, but am pregnant and so can obviously ingest nooothing of the sort.
Anyway, they have almost exclusively German convs whens I'm there. I try to contribute and things go to English, or my boyfriend occasionally translates. But I feel like some fucking third wheel. I understand the guy not understanding English perfectly , I don't want him to feel uncomfortable :( But I'm getting sort of simmeringly pissed off about it, and just told my boyfriend who sat down next to me at a show instead of his friend, to maybe move away from me while he was smoking (he's having a couple while he's out there). I feel like a bitch tbh. My bf is usually extremely kind and understanding, but I just can't be arsed atm. Still first trimester so I suppose I can blame it on hormones 🤔

OP posts:
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 09/09/2019 10:06

Alcohol provides revenue for the gvt.

Honflyr · 09/09/2019 10:06

So could drugs if they legalise them

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 09/09/2019 10:09

I don’t make the policies!

Honflyr · 09/09/2019 10:11

Oh I know, I assumed you agreed with them for your previous posts is all

Rainbowhairdontcare · 09/09/2019 10:15

My family is t very fluent in English... When my friends are visiting (Spanish speakers) it's very hard to not speak on English. Now the acid thing... I don't think it's wrong but definitely not fun if you can't join

LaMainDeFatima · 09/09/2019 10:17

Regarding the language bit, you have a few choices

  1. Learn German . But beware that when you do understand them , it doesn't mean that you will the convo interesting. I find conversations sound more juicy when you can't understand them.
  2. Next time let them go by themselves. If he needs his German time , recognise that and do something else
  3. Go with the flow . And accept that you don't have to be involved in all the chats

Good luck with the pregnancy

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 09/09/2019 14:14

Ahhh my - my phone died at the festival and I only charged it up last night (still on holiday but now in a friend's flat with a glorious shower, and a normal toilet).
Just go home OP. Sounds crap, sitting in a tent, vomiting and then eating Tangfastics. What a life. Grin I love this

Anyway - the tripped was booked before I got pregnant, and I still wanted to come. Unfortunately, my mind (probably addled by all the acid I've been taking over the years) is not so advanced that I can grasp more than the basics over the course of a weekend.
My bf is not German but is fluent as he has lived here previously - and learning the language is seriously something I want and need to do, as I'd love our child to be bilingual.
Fuck off to whoever decided to judge me about eating Haribo by the way; I've been horrendously sick, although feeling much better over the past few days, and if I find something to eat at the moment which doesn't make me queasy then it's a win.
I don't plan to exclusive eat sweets for the rest of my pregnancy... and my dp isn't going to be taking drugs either. Although if he wanted to microdose again on a weekend over the next couple of months I'd be fine with it; not because I'm cool, or a loser, just because him taking some acid is not an issue for me, or for the 'poor baby' at the moment either

OP posts:
Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 09/09/2019 14:16

Please do excuse typos.
I also wish that I'd said 'the holiday was booked' rather than 'the trip' 🙈

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 09/09/2019 19:00

"Although if he wanted to microdose again on a weekend over the next couple of months I'd be fine with it; not because I'm cool, or a loser, just because him taking some acid is not an issue for me, or for the 'poor baby' at the moment either"

🙄

HellonHeels · 09/09/2019 19:23

All sorted then OP Smile

Templetonstunafish · 09/09/2019 19:28

I also wish that I'd said 'the holiday was booked' rather than 'the trip'

Grin

Glad you're sorted! Personally can't wait until I'm not breastfeeding so I can trip again!

MotherFuckingLanguages · 09/09/2019 20:06

The drug behaviour is worse than the ‘language issue’ sort your flipping priorities right

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 09/09/2019 20:26

I don't agree with your opinion re. 'the drug behaviour'. Smile

OP posts:
managedmis · 09/09/2019 20:27

Especially as I'd like the baby to be bilingual..

^^

Ah, well then

LaMainDeFatima · 09/09/2019 20:37

And how do you plan for the baby to become bilingual ?

BonneMa · 09/09/2019 20:45

your baby won't become bilingual just because the dad who doesn't even speak German as a mother tongue speaks to a German friend in German when he took some acid Grin

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 10/09/2019 13:50

I don't really understand these last messages. Anyhoo. My bf went to a German school, and it's essentially a mother tongue to him if that's the right expression. I think it'd be a great opportunity to use this skill to pass on to the baby - by speaking to them in German I guess... It's something I want to look into more, and need to chat to people who have done similar things

OP posts:
gingersausage · 10/09/2019 14:05

So you don’t like the baby’s father speaking German to his friend because it excludes you, but the baby and his dad speaking German all the time (the only way to become truly bilingual) won’t exclude you. 🤦‍♀️

Are you sure it’s not you who’s tripping?!

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 10/09/2019 15:38

I have a lot to work out, clearly 😌

OP posts:
Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 10/09/2019 15:39

And a lot of German classes to take

OP posts:
pumkinspicetime · 10/09/2019 15:40

Part of me thinks that if your DP is going to be spending his time dropping acid your dc might be better off not having too many conversations with him.
But in terms of raising a bilingual dc getting each parent to always speak to dc in their own mother tongue is a fairly standard way of approaching this.
It can be hard though as often the dc will become reluctant to speak the second language once they realize it isn't the norm. It can also in short term delay language development although in the longer term is usually considered an advantage.

pumkinspicetime · 10/09/2019 15:42

But as pp said if you cannot speak the language it will make 3 way conversations hard, also dc and DP will be having conversations you cannot follow.

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 10/09/2019 16:31

Interesting thread all round, really 🙈
I'd quite like to start another re. the bilingual plan.
And ughhh, just ignoring the acid comments - as if dp is permanently 'dropping' it and walking round like a happy zombie...

OP posts:
Rainbowhairdontcare · 10/09/2019 16:50

The bilingual thing... My mother tongue is Spanish and spoke exclusively for the first 6 years of DDs life in Spanish to her. She's not bilingual in the slightest and instead created an abyss between that has taken its time to mend. It's really down to each child, it's not the same for all, some have more "skill" than others.

areukiddingme · 10/09/2019 16:52

Learn German, if it bothers you that much you need to ask of your been unreasonable if a German speaking person speaks in German.