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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP and his friend speaking German in front of me

202 replies

CassandrasCastle · 07/09/2019 16:20

I'm currently at a festival with my bf and his good friend, who's German. Bf is fluent in German, and the friend speaks English but quite slowly/hesitantly. Sometimes he'd need to glance at bf for a translation.
They're both also taking some acid, which I said I was fine with, but am pregnant and so can obviously ingest nooothing of the sort.
Anyway, they have almost exclusively German convs whens I'm there. I try to contribute and things go to English, or my boyfriend occasionally translates. But I feel like some fucking third wheel. I understand the guy not understanding English perfectly , I don't want him to feel uncomfortable :( But I'm getting sort of simmeringly pissed off about it, and just told my boyfriend who sat down next to me at a show instead of his friend, to maybe move away from me while he was smoking (he's having a couple while he's out there). I feel like a bitch tbh. My bf is usually extremely kind and understanding, but I just can't be arsed atm. Still first trimester so I suppose I can blame it on hormones 🤔

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 07/09/2019 18:20

LSD addicts?

teachermam · 07/09/2019 18:20

Sorry you lost me at acid

GiveMeHope103 · 07/09/2019 18:21

Really op, shame on both of you. And a big fat wake up for you if you think he wont do it when the baby is here. But I guess that will be ok with you too.

Timmytimetime · 07/09/2019 18:22

They're probably having some ridiculous conversation such as "what if ants actually ruled the world...". My guess is you're not missing much.

Frangible · 07/09/2019 18:28

Are you British, OP? It seems to be a fairly common Brit thing to take offense at people daring to speak a foreign language in front of people who don't speak that language, as though it's being done to be rude, (or even in order to say things you don't want the other people to understand).

This, exactly. It comes up again and again on Mn, and as a non-Brit it always strikes me as a weird and paranoid set of assumptions. Outrage (displaced impressedness? guilt?) at other people's multilingualism hiding under a veneer of 'Well, it's bad manners!'

And yes, they are probably talking about the time their cereal started talking to them, and you're lucky you can't understand.

ScreamingBeans · 07/09/2019 18:29

I’m loving all the pearl clutching about taking acid. In fairness I never have but plenty of my friends did when in their 20s. They are now fully functioning adults and parents, one is even a doctor

I had plenty of friends who did acid as well and only one of them killed herself when she was 23, so I suppose the odds are good. Hmm

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 07/09/2019 18:38

I’m not surprised that they’re speaking German, because if it’s the festival I think it is it’s IN Germany.

Cheeserton · 07/09/2019 18:43

Try working with addicts.

LOL! Acid addicts? Tends not to happen.

Prestopresto · 07/09/2019 18:46

I’m loving all the pearl clutching about taking acid
In fairness I never have but plenty of my friends did when in their 20s. They are now fully functioning adults and parents, one is even a doctor

It’s all very well and good taking acid and ending up on a good trip but a bad trip?

People become so barking mad on a bad trip and can be a massive danger to themselves and those around them. Considering the OP is pregnant, the context of the situation means that yes, she and he are being judged by us. She could be putting herself and her baby in danger.

I’ve been with someone before who had a bad trip last 15 hours. 15 hours!! It was the most petrifying time of my life. I was threatened with a knife because the person I was with thought I had an axe and was murdering people who didn’t even exist. It was terrifying for them and also for me having to deal with that.

It’s all very good to say in hindsight ‘well so and so did it and they’re a lawyer now so it can’t be that bad’ but OP needs to seriously think about the risk to her and her baby in the now. No acid doesn’t have any lasting physical affects (that I’m aware of) so it’s not a danger in the sense that Coke is. But the mental impact and memory of the trip for the person and those around them lasts.

Branleuse · 07/09/2019 18:48

You cant get addicted to acid and I dont think anyone has ever died from overdosing on it.
Plus this guy has microdosed. All thats likely to happen is he feels a bit sharper and happier. Honestly, no need to pearlclutch over this. Hes not off his tits.

lazylinguist · 07/09/2019 18:48

Outrage (displaced impressedness? guilt?) at other people's multilingualism hiding under a veneer of 'Well, it's bad manners!'

Exactly. Non-English languages aren't codes invented to piss off English-speakers and make them feel inadequate for being crap at languages.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 07/09/2019 18:49

Another here who thinks that your DP speaking German is the least of your problems. Why are you having a child with this loser, I really pity your poor baby before it has been born. Is he going to continue to take acid with a baby in the house?

Branleuse · 07/09/2019 18:51

Your friend might have gone barking mad on a bad trip, and probably went OTT, but when I had a bad trip, I just stayed at home and wouldnt leave my room for a few hours. I think someone threatening you with a knife was likely already crazy.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 07/09/2019 18:52

You can get addicted to acid - and it’s the people I used to work with didn’t start on heroin.

Branleuse · 07/09/2019 18:54

no you cant. You cant even do it more than one or two days in a row or it stops working. Its not a physically addictive substance.

If you mean psychologically addictive, well you can get psychologically addicted to pretty much anything

Annabeth67 · 07/09/2019 18:55

when I had a bad trip, I just stayed at home and wouldnt leave my room for a few hours. I think someone threatening you with a knife was likely already crazy

Everyone is different and there’s always the potential for terrifyingly bad trips. You were lucky yours was quite mellow but there’s no predicting that sort of thing- it can happen to anyone

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 07/09/2019 18:57

Does your bf completely ignore you or do you and he speak in English. Surely if his friend struggles with English then it is as rude to him for you two to speak English around him, as it is for them two to speak German around you.

The friend is making an effort to learn English. I suggest you make an equal effort to learn German.

Branleuse · 07/09/2019 19:00

Sure. If anything, it made me very respectful of acid and psychedelics. Stupid teenagers often go completely OTT and have a terrible time.

There is evidence though that microdosing can really help certain types of depression though

pooboobsleeprepeat · 07/09/2019 19:08

Get a grip. You’re pregnant and at a festival with a druggy boyfriend?
Is he going to carry on doing drugs after your child is born? Or just gonna stop completely cold turkey? Or tell you he’s stopped but still does it and then comes back and holds his child?
You both need to grow the fuck up.
I’m a very tolerant person but this has seriously pissed me off!
Your microdosing excuses are bullshit!

Watchingthyme · 07/09/2019 19:14

This thread is hilarious

I bet most of the people on here who have had partners who drank through pregnancies

She said he took a micro amount. I mean she could be lying. But his actions don’t make him sound like he’s off his nuts

Nomorepies · 07/09/2019 19:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Grumpelstilskin · 07/09/2019 19:17

@KadieFae

Sie sind unvernünftig. Du solltest auch einen säurefreien Freund haben

Google Translate does not always work out well Grin

Annabeth67 · 07/09/2019 19:19

Could BF not throw some candy floss and a can of coke
Don’t mention coke or she might give her boyfriend other ideas...

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 07/09/2019 19:22

Poor baby

tangled2 · 07/09/2019 19:22

What's wrong with water??

There's nothing wrong with a pregnant woman going to a festival, I don't know why there's so many comments about that. Hats off to you for having the energy. It's not inherently dangerous, life doesn't stop, should she just stay at home for the duration of her pregnancy?

The acid thing I wouldn't be ok with, purely because it would mean I was bored as hell while they chat shit. But I have a short fuse.

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