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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and his friend speaking German in front of me

202 replies

CassandrasCastle · 07/09/2019 16:20

I'm currently at a festival with my bf and his good friend, who's German. Bf is fluent in German, and the friend speaks English but quite slowly/hesitantly. Sometimes he'd need to glance at bf for a translation.
They're both also taking some acid, which I said I was fine with, but am pregnant and so can obviously ingest nooothing of the sort.
Anyway, they have almost exclusively German convs whens I'm there. I try to contribute and things go to English, or my boyfriend occasionally translates. But I feel like some fucking third wheel. I understand the guy not understanding English perfectly , I don't want him to feel uncomfortable :( But I'm getting sort of simmeringly pissed off about it, and just told my boyfriend who sat down next to me at a show instead of his friend, to maybe move away from me while he was smoking (he's having a couple while he's out there). I feel like a bitch tbh. My bf is usually extremely kind and understanding, but I just can't be arsed atm. Still first trimester so I suppose I can blame it on hormones 🤔

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 07/09/2019 17:41

Are you in Germany? Because you are unreasonable about the German speaking if you are.

However your festival experience sounds boring as fuck, hanging out with two drugged up people. Can't you go and hang out in the yoga tent or something?

pooopypants · 07/09/2019 17:42

Oooo he's on hand to provide water and Haribo? Why didn't you say so. He's a fucking prince then.

Derbee · 07/09/2019 17:42

Goodluck to your poor baby, OP.

Original poster
CassandrasCastle · 07/09/2019 17:42

I think I maybe should go and do my own thing a bit, yeah!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 07/09/2019 17:45

You should have left them to go to the festival on their own.

A smoke filled festival, with ppl taking acid isn't the place for a pregnant woman.

As his friend isn't a good English speaker, it's no surprise they're speaking German.

Malvinaa81 · 07/09/2019 17:46

YABU, and I fell sorry for your child when born, having a drug taking father, and a mother who sees nothing wrong in this.

Not sure German is the main problem here.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/09/2019 17:46

He can’t have taken much if he’s on hand to look after you. He probably would translate more sober.

lazylinguist · 07/09/2019 17:47

Are you British, OP? It seems to be a fairly common Brit thing to take offense at people daring to speak a foreign language in front of people who don't speak that language, as though it's being done to be rude, (or even in order to say things you don't want the other people to understand). Your language doesn't trump the German friend's language. Oh and yy to what everyone said about the drugs.

bluebeck · 07/09/2019 17:48

YABU, and I fell sorry for your child when born, having a drug taking father, and a mother who sees nothing wrong in this.

Quite.

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/09/2019 17:49

Also, he's not going to do this closer to the time the babies born/when it's actually here.

You reckon?

easyandy101 · 07/09/2019 17:49

Well, aren’t you the super-cool one?

There's nothing cool about drugs, don't know who you've been listening to

I take acid cos it's fun, being cool has never really entered the equation

Polly111 · 07/09/2019 17:52

If they’re constantly speaking German and you’re being completely left out then yanbu, they should make sure you’re included otherwise they shouldn’t have invited you.

lazylinguist · 07/09/2019 17:52

Maybe have a look at the range of 'he promised he'd stop doing X, Y or Z once the baby was born' threads.

converseandjeans · 07/09/2019 17:54

Is he German? I don't know what you expect when he has friends over. I think just let him do stuff on his own with his mates when they're over. I can't imagine a festival being that much fun when pregnant and just with bf and his German mate. Group of friends is different.

northerngirl2012 · 07/09/2019 17:56

Can you go and find a yoga tent or something you can get immersed in? Failing that, buy a hot drink & people watch?

I think perhaps staying at home might've been an easier situation, or having another friend who's not drinking / on drugs.

PapayaCoconut · 07/09/2019 17:57

Also, he's not going to do this closer to the time the babies born/when it's actually here.

See you in a year when you're posting an AIBU about your DP going out taking drugs and leaving you at home with the baby.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2019 17:58

Also, he's not going to do this closer to the time the babies baby's born/when it's actually here.

You just keep telling yourself that, dear. He will soon show you otherwise. Maybe he won't drop acid in front of you or the baby, but that just means he'll be doing it when you aren't around, which means HE won't be around. But you're a 'cool gf' so that's OK.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2019 17:59

Great minds, @PapayaCoconut !

Coyoacan · 07/09/2019 17:59

I suppose acid is more from my youth, but it is not addictive. The risk is ungoing mental health problems, which fortunately is not that common.

Hope you feel better soon, OP.

pumkinspicetime · 07/09/2019 18:00

I'm struggling to see the speaking of German being even a minor issue in this particular circumstance!
But if that is really what you want to concentrate on then just give them some space to chat German.

Victoriajosephine86 · 07/09/2019 18:03

They're both also taking some acid, which I said I was fine with, but am pregnant and so can obviously ingest nooothing of the sort

Oh well as long as you’re not doing it then that’s ok!!! Never mind the fact the father of your child is doing acid!!!

You’re thick to allow this- especially in your presence.

Nobody is immune to a bad acid trip. He could have so many good trips and then another time end up with a bad trip. That could seriously seriously endanger you and your baby because people on bad acid trips are out of control for on average around 12 hours.

I’ve seen people on bad acid trips resulting in them stabbing themselves with forks/pens etc anything in sight. I’ve seen another person try and throw themselves then their friends down stairs.

I cannot believe how irresponsible you are and you’re about to bring a baby into the world.

Bubsworth · 07/09/2019 18:05

Your bf is an idiot for doing drugs and you're not much better to see nothing wrong with it. What the actual. The fact you're pregnant as well just makes my heart break for that baby. The first trimester is a very risky time for babies, they are going from a tiny spec to a fully formed, albeit tiny, human. Sharing a bed and close contact with a druggie poses a risk and I can't believe you're an adult who doesn't know this (or possibly doesn't care).

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 07/09/2019 18:07

OP I am sorry you are getting such a hard time on here you got one from me in an earlier post but the acid thing..really...You are in your first stages of pregnancy where you need to be careful.Is your bf able to take care of you should you need him to? If you fell or had an accident would he be ok enough to help you? Its the bigger picture and the what ifs that come into play far more when you are pregnant.Please take care of you..Festivals can be so busy and anything could happen at any time ..god willing it wont and you will be safe...I think that is why I reacted the way I did.I hope he is sound enough to support you should you need him to.I may have been out of order and i apologise but if it was my daughter this would be the very last thing I would want for her....

PancakeAndKeith · 07/09/2019 18:13

I’m loving all the pearl clutching about taking acid.
In fairness I never have but plenty of my friends did when in their 20s. They are now fully functioning adults and parents, one is even a doctor.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 07/09/2019 18:18

Try working with addicts.