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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this needs sorting ASAP to the preschool staff?

258 replies

EndGamer · 05/09/2019 16:07

Ds 3 goes to the school preschool - he will be in their foundation year after summer next year.
Lovely preschool he’s settled fantastically well lovely staff etc. Monday he came home his pants were dirty and his bum super sore from not being wiped properly. I explained to staff he will try and wipe it himself but he can’t do it properly could they check him and I’ve sent in some wet wipes for him.
Today hes again in dirty pants, he had a poo after the register this morning he said so he’s been like that all day! Poo on the back of his top and again he’s really sore.
Aibu to think most 3 year old would need helping out with this and to say to the preschool it needs to sorting?!

OP posts:
Caselgarcia · 05/09/2019 16:10

Do they have the staff to be able to do that? My son was in a pre school nursery with over 20 children. They didn't have enough staff to take 20 kids to the toilet.

formerbabe · 05/09/2019 16:11

The school nursery I sent my DD to expected them to be toilet trained and wouldn't help them with toileting at all. Have you asked them what their rules and procedures are in regard to this?

dollydaydream114 · 05/09/2019 16:13

I would expect him to be able to wipe his own bum by the time he goes to pre-school. If he’s not doing it right, the solution is to teach him how to do it properly, not expect pre-school staff to do it for him. It’s not a nursery.

PennyGold · 05/09/2019 16:14

You should teach him how to do it himself before he goes back.

thecatinthetwat · 05/09/2019 16:16

By law, they have to take children regardless of toilet training stage I think.

However, in practice they just aren’t going to even notice whose done a poo or wee or whatever.

It’s hard though, I’m not sure how well a 3 year old could wipe with loo roll.?

hairyturkey · 05/09/2019 16:28

If your son is not able to wipe his bum can you talk him through sitting and calling out for a staff member and waiting until someone helps him? It is not unreasonable for a 3 year old to need help.

Troels · 05/09/2019 16:30

Most 3 year olds need help with this surely? They can't reach properly at that age.

sheshootssheimplores · 05/09/2019 16:31

My six year old doesn’t wipe his own bum let alone my three year old!

If it were me I would discuss it with the preschool manager and just see what the expectation is.

MrsMozartMkII · 05/09/2019 16:37

I'd say a three year old would probably still need help.

Plus, surely the staff could smell that the poor lad had poo on him and should have investigated.

lmusic87 · 05/09/2019 16:39

Surely they can't do that for every child, he needs to practice himself.

VladmirsPoutine · 05/09/2019 16:42

I understand your frustration but imagine in a class of 30 having to be on 'toilet' duty for all. What does their policy say regarding this? In anycase I'd ramp up your own efforts to teach him/support him in doing it on his own.

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 05/09/2019 16:42

Not all three year olds can do this. If they know he struggles with it they should help.

kryztinababy · 05/09/2019 16:43

I think YABU op. They will have a lot of kids and obviously cannot take time out to wipe bottoms due to ratios or even child / staff protection issues. Have him practice at home and send in clean clothes each day.

Merryoldgoat · 05/09/2019 16:52

In what world can a 3 year old wipe their bum effectively?

There are perfectly typical 3yo who still aren’t toilet trained.

Of course they should help.

TuckMyWin · 05/09/2019 16:52

I don't understand all the comments about a class of 30, and ratios. They manage to help 3 years old wipe their bums in private day nurseries, so why not pre-schools? They are governed by the same early years ratios, which is one adult to 4 children for a 3 year old.

TillyTheTiger · 05/09/2019 16:55

This is the exact reason I sent my son to private preschool instead of school preschool - the school one said they wouldn't help with toileting at all, and that if DS had an accident they'd ring me immediately to come and deal with it. Check their policy.

TillyTheTiger · 05/09/2019 16:57

@TuckMyWin if there is a qualified teacher then the ratio is 1:13

TuckMyWin · 05/09/2019 16:58

Sorry, I think it's 1:8 actually, but still....

mumwon · 05/09/2019 16:58

for 3-4 years old its 1 to 8 unless their is QT than its 1 to 13 at pre school settings

VladmirsPoutine · 05/09/2019 17:00

They manage to help 3 years old wipe their bums in private day nurseries, so why not pre-schools?

Because in the former you are paying for the privilege. At my nieces private they even served us fancy coffee when viewing. Won't get that sort of treatment at state-level.

TuckMyWin · 05/09/2019 17:00

@TillytheTiger, really? Huh, sort of glad I sent my children to private day nursery, then. Unless qualifies teachers get an extra pair of hands with their qualifications :) Still seems unreasonable to expect 3 year olds to wipe their own bums, when they might only be just toilet trained. My 3 year old's been trained 6 months, and he simply can't reach and coordinate himself properly.

lazyarse123 · 05/09/2019 17:01

I'm shocked that a pp 6 yr old can't wipe their own bum. What do they do at school?

Mitebiteatnite · 05/09/2019 17:02

Tilly has it, school nurseries with a qualified teacher have a ratio of 1:13. And even a regular private nursery has a ratio of 1:8 once they turn 3.

OP unless you expressly said that he needs help wiping himself when you had your home visit/show around/settling in sessions, then staff generally assume a toilet trained child can wipe themselves. If you mention it to them and it still happens, then you have reason to be annoyed. Have the conversation, go in calmly and just mention he still needs a bit of help.

sheshootssheimplores · 05/09/2019 17:03

Well you maybe shocked but that’s my reality. He has suspect ASD however no diagnosis as of yet. He gags when he tries to deal with his own poo so I have to do it.