To say this needs sorting ASAP to the preschool staff?

[EndGamer]

Ds 3 goes to the school preschool - he will be in their foundation year after summer next year.
Lovely preschool he’s settled fantastically well lovely staff etc. Monday he came home his pants were dirty and his bum super sore from not being wiped properly. I explained to staff he will try and wipe it himself but he can’t do it properly could they check him and I’ve sent in some wet wipes for him.
Today hes again in dirty pants, he had a poo after the register this morning he said so he’s been like that all day! Poo on the back of his top and again he’s really sore.
Aibu to think most 3 year old would need helping out with this and to say to the preschool it needs to sorting?!

@VladimirsPoutine, I'm not sure that's always the case, when you consider the 30 hours 'free' childcare. Agreed, a lot of nurseries apply tops up fees of some sort, but not all do.

Agreed @TuckMyWin but the wider point still stands. In the private arena you get a hell of a lot more than your typical state. 'Free' hours or not. I'm not saying I'm in support of this, but let's be realistic.

What would they do if a child had spiked themselves? Make them sit in it all day? They don’t do that at any school. Yes they may have to take said child to the toilets and get that child to clean up themselves as best they can and grab a pair of spare pants and a phone call to parents if they are so badly soiled they need you to collect them.

If a child is getting a good healthy diet with fibre they shouldn’t need much wiping after a healthy poo. So maybe up the fibre in their diet?

Spiked? Soiled! Sorry...

@VladimirsPoutine, it just seems a bit shit, and I'm surprised (every day's a school day :) ) I'm not sure why a qualified teacher would be any more capable of marshalling more 3 year olds than an unqualified teacher - let's face it, at that age it should mostly be about supervision not learning the alphabet. And if the funding the setting is getting from the government is the same, then the level of care should really be the same. Seems daft that it's better for my 3 year old to be cared for by a less qualified practitioner.

@TuckMyWin Absolutely. This is one such a thing I decided not to think about anymore. It comes down to training level/qualification. To be more hyperbolic about it: Imagine I could perform excellent heart surgery... you'd still want to know I went to med school and have a license to practice.

I’d fully expect a 3 year old to be supported with toiletting in nursery, in fact my DS has support until he went to school age 5. I’d talk to the nursery setting about his need for help - at the rate we’re going kids will be expected to change their own nappy from birth!

Certainly speak to the school. I wouldn’t go in with the attitude of “this needs sorting!” As you’ll get labelled as “one of those parents”..... but you definitely need to speak to them. Explain that your DS isn’t yet managing to wipe himself effectively, and could these please check him after loo visits? Also speak to your DS about it - keep working on it with him at home (practice is the key to everything) and also ask him to make sure an adult helps/checks him. The school is far more likely to be understanding if they know you are gradually progressing to not needing this support.

Although by the time they are proper school age they should be competent doing it themselves (assuming no atypical needs) many aren’t great at it at age 3, and will have accidents sometimes at preschool. They don’t leave them soiled in those circumstances, they usually have a couple of spare pairs of pants just in case.

Sorry to hear he’s sore. That might in fact put him off wiping himself. Nice soft wet wipes and some cream on it when you’re at home, just like you would with a baby with nappy rash.

I know you’ve spoken to them already. But it’s an incredibly busy time of year with lots of students to get to know. An extra reminder couldn’t hurt.

Have you not taught him yet?
It's not really their job when they have so many, it's usually send them off on their own, watch them in and out.
Maybe keep him off until you have taught him.

Oh yes I've had this at my DS' private nursery (so where the child/staff ratio isn't that big and they should definitely check/help). All we did was keep mentioning it at every single drop off. They seem to have gotten the message as it's not happened in a while.

If it's a school nursery though I think they actually don't check? DS has just started school nursery 2.5 hours a day and I don't think they would help there necessarily, unless he came up to them and asked directly.

Do they have the staff to be able to do that? My son was in a pre school nursery with over 20 children. They didn't have enough staff to take 20 kids to the toilet.

The school nursery I sent my DD to expected them to be toilet trained and wouldn't help them with toileting at all. Have you asked them what their rules and procedures are in regard to this?

Surely they can't do that for every child, he needs to practice himself.

It's not really their job when they have so many, it's usually send them off on their own, watch them in and out.

Ive only read part of the thread so far and I'm sure there are more comments similar to the ones I have picked out above.

Any person who works with children should support them in every stage of their development. Not having enough staff, not being 'allowed' to and 'it's not my job' are not valid excuses and any person using such lines as an excuse should not be working with children.

Nor should any person who doesn't understand that all 3 yr olds are not the same.

Working in a childcare setting means that you help, support and educate every child in every stage of their development. That is your job. That is why you are there. I despair sometimes of the expectations we place on small children, no wonder we have an increasing amount of them with anxiety.

@nokidshere - agreed. I'm amazed by the amount of people on here who seem to think it's totally reasonable to expect a 3 year old to have mastered wiping his own bum without any kind of help, and indeed if he hasn't, it's some kind of poor parenting and that he should "just have been taught"! Bloody hell, what next? Driving himself to pre-school too? My 3 year old (just) has been toilet trained for 6 months. He can ride a 2 wheel pedal bike without stabilisers. He's pretty proficient at a lot of things, but I'm not worried that he can't yet wipe his own bum. I don't know any other 3 year old that can.

Reception children age four can only just wipe their own bums , of course most three year olds need help. It’s not just about learning a new skill many cannot physically reach properly.

@sheshootssheimplores really? Apologies if they have sen but if not why is your 6 year old not wiping themselves? How do they manage at school?! I work in early years and most are more than capable of wiping themselves at 3/4 and the only ones who can't, are the ones who haven't been encouraged to!

School nursery classes are 1:13 staff ratio and they are expected to be sitting with groups teaching not checking their bums after they've been to the toilet. People always hate hearing this but children in nursery were much more independent when I started as a Nursery teacher 35 years ago.

I work in early years and most are more than capable of wiping themselves at 3/4 and the only ones who can't, are the ones who haven't been encouraged to!

With an attitude like that you have no business working in early years

For everyone saying he should do it himself 🤣🤣🤣🤣it might be a pre school nursery with over 20 children but they have ratios, should be 1-8 for that age, of course someone should be helping him. I’m all for teaching them independence and I think he should be shown but he still needs a little help! OP I work in a nursery and my almost 3 year old goes but is in a different room, I had to speak to them as we had the same problem. Don’t think my daughter was confident asking for help, so I just said if they notice she’s in there a little while could they just check she’s ok :) haven’t had it since x

If a child is getting a good healthy diet with fibre they shouldn’t need much wiping after a healthy poo.
Yes, if the poo is of a consistency where it sticks to the bottom and spreads, there's obviously an issue.

Also, what actually happens when a child goes to the toilet at nursery? Do they just make their own way there, do what needs to be done, come back and resume playing? If so, surely the first thing that DS needs to do is TELL staff he needs/has had a no. 2?

3 year olds sitting in groups being taught? See, I just can't get my head round that as a starting point. 35 years ago, or now.

My dd is the same age and I have had the same concerns with preschool. She has been dry for 6 months during the day and night. First week of preschool she had two accidents as she was shy to say she needed the loo. She has just done her second week and now knows where the loo is and is happy to go on her own. She can't wipe properly either though. I have been popping her in the bath once home and practicing wiping at home. Her preschool accept children from the age of 2 many of whom are not toilet trained. On a parent day they explicitly said they would support children at any stage of toilet training however I have not found that to be true. Many kids had accidents the first week and so they decided to take them to the loo in groups to prompt kids. Both my dh and I have reiterated the help that she needs and that we are encouraging her to be as independent as possible at home but she is only 3!

Yanbu, speak to them.

I'd expect most kids to be able to do it themselves at 3.

He has trained himself to poo in the evenings 🤷‍♀️

I’m not sure what you expect me to do to be honest? He gags and retches and cries. I suppose I could just let him pull his pants up and stink of shit for the rest of the evening if that makes my parenting more acceptable.

nokidshere I totally agree with you.

@nokidshere just wow! I'm a extremely popular member of staff, infamous in our local community for being endlessly kind and patient with the children who come to my class. Not blowing my own trumpet but I have a huge box full of cards, notes etc confirming this. So yep, obviously no place in early years...
My point was that the ones who can't, mostly have absolutely no idea how to and think once they have finished they just yell 'finished' and an adult will do the rest.
At my school we aim to encourage and support, rather than do it for the child (sen issues obviously are considered) and they quickly learn and are immensely proud.
Unfortunately parents who dress, feed etc their dc seem to think it's entirely appropriate to send them to school so poorly equipped. I really feel for them, it's not great for their self esteem and entirely unavoidable.

Dear god, people on here are in their own little worlds aren’t they? 3 year olds wiping their own bum or their parents are useless and now even discussions about the consistency of the poos themselves? You lot need to go and give yourselves a really good talking to.