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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think his ex should really keep her beak out?

204 replies

Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:20

I have posted before about dps ex and her constant text messages to him and her not having any boundaries - texting dp about problems in her relationship and how she made a mistake leaving him for OM. Dp and I have worked through these and he now has a strategy for dealing with this.

We are going on our first real holiday together. Somewhere he and ex have been together many times. They have been everytime without their dd and go on a yearly basis. His ex wasn’t aware we were going as it doesn’t affect her or their dd in any way. Their dd doesn’t go as the heat would be too much for her and she’s too young.

I posted on social media something about the location and she immediately started texting dp pretty much saying how dare he go without the dd even though they have always chosen to leave her behind. Really grilled dp about it. It’s obviously about her feelings, not the dd. I went mad and quite honestly felt like packing it all in. Feels a bit better today but how can I cope with this behaviour until their dd is old enough that contact doesn’t have to go through the ex? I love dp to bits.

OP posts:
DriftingLeaves · 05/09/2019 08:23

DP's problem. He needs to deal with it and not engage with her nonsense.

Duchessgummybuns · 05/09/2019 08:24

Yes she should keep her beak out, but why are you going on holiday somewhere he used to frequently go with ex? That seems very odd to me, it would make me very uncomfortable.

NearlyGranny · 05/09/2019 08:26

Yeah, but no, but you're going to have to adjust your privacy settings so she can't see your posts on social media, even if it means blocking her. Failing that, get off altogether or just use WhatsApp groups for family and friends. She won't know what you're doing and even if your DP tells her himself, you won't know what she's thinking.

If you want to enjoy a private life, you can't leak stuff beyond a trusted circle. Think of it as like being a bit of a celeb or a minor member of the royal family and it won't feel so bad!

WhatsMyPassword · 05/09/2019 08:28

I posted on social media something about the location

Why is she on your SM? get rid, block, tighten your settings, and ditch mutual friends.

BrittleJoys · 05/09/2019 08:29

Well, obviously she shouldn’t be making it your problem, and their DD going or not is a red herring, but as you know perfectly well the ex is still seething with unresolved issues and regrets over the end of her relationship, you can see how it looks rather pointed that you and your DP have chosen the one place that she and he used to go regularly for a couple holiday to go for your first couple holiday.

It seems slightly odd all round. I don’t think I’d be thrilled to go on holiday somewhere my boyfriend always went with his ex, and I’d be wondering why he thought this was a good idea. Isn’t it full of associations for him? If not, why not?

IsobelRae23 · 05/09/2019 08:29

I have to agree with pp, this sounds childish but it was thumbs down to any destinations my ex had frequently gone with his ex- I wanted to make our own memories, not ‘when me and ex came here we went to X’, ‘I know a really nice place up the road’ etc. I would have gone 🤯in a short space of time. You are a bigger women than me!

WhenDoesTheWashingEnd · 05/09/2019 08:29

I don't want to sound like a voice of gloom but 7 years and counting with DH's ex still sticking her beak into our affairs.

She seems to go out her way to know what we're up to and voice her opinion in whatever she sees fit.

I don't think she's got any better but a few years ago we kinda shrugged it off thinking that if she wants to waste her time peering into our lives that's really her problem (We're really not that exciting!).
She's just faded into the background noise of life. Smile

ColaFreezePop · 05/09/2019 08:32

Why is she on your SM? get rid, block, tighten your settings, and ditch mutual friends.

^This

You are looking for a dispute with his ex by you being slack with your SM settings so she can look at them.

Also it is not wise to post on SM that you are going on holiday. You should only post after you have come back unless you want to be burgled when you are gone.

Original poster
Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:33

Thanks for your replies.

I would usually be uncomfortable about going to a place where his ex has been but this place I’m fine with. Staying in a different hotel in a different part of the area.

It’s because I tag him in things and she is on his friends list that she sees things. She hasn’t even met me. Wish she’d just concfetreate on her own life.

OP posts:
WaggingKnife · 05/09/2019 08:33

You felt like “packing it all in” over that?

Sotiredofthislife · 05/09/2019 08:33

Why on earth would you go to the same place he went - more than once - with his ex? Why not build your own memories? Whilst it doesn’t really matter, there is a huge world out there so why just add fuel to her already burning fire?

And surely if you are going on holiday it does actually affect the ex as it will impact on contact with your partner’s daughter?

Bigmango · 05/09/2019 08:34

Isn’t it a little weird to go to the same place they always went together? I think I would be pissed off actually if it was somewhere special to me and an ex. Especially as your first holiday.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/09/2019 08:35
  1. Get her off your social media
  2. Go on holiday to new places without ex’s memories
  3. Your problem here is not the ex but your DP, he needs to grow a pair and get some boundaries in place
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/09/2019 08:35

Sorry OP but this is really an insignificant thing that you could fix in a wink if you wanted to. As PP has said, block her, block mutual friends and don't entertain any discussion with her beyond reasonable chat when her daughter is with your partner.

It's for your partner to sort out beyond that, not you. She does need to keep her beak out and, gently, so do you where she is concerned... don't keep fanning the flames.

Original poster
Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:35

She’s definitely not on my sm. she sees things I’ve tagged dp in as she’s on his friends list. I’ve never met her but met their dd.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/09/2019 08:36

Dp is allowing her to do this. He probably likes the idea of two women fighting over him

lavenderbluedilly · 05/09/2019 08:36

It’s because I tag him in things and she is on his friends list that she sees things. She hasn’t even met me. Wish she’d just concfetreate on her own life.

Surely you must have known she would see it then? She can only interfere if you keep her up to date with your plans, such as this instance.

Original poster
Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:37

The place is a unique one. Can’t find it in many other places and it caters for our shared hobby.

OP posts:
Winsomelosesome · 05/09/2019 08:38

Seems like your dp has failed to set boundaries with his ex. Why is he even responding to messages that aren't about his DC? And why is he fb friends with her? Oh and it's never a good idea to post about upcoming holidays on social media-burglars and all that.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 05/09/2019 08:38

If you block her she won't be able to see your posts even if you tag him.

Is his time with the daughter more limited now than when they were together? Are you taking her on another holiday? That's probably why she's commenting on it.

Otherwise, this isn't worth getting antsy over.

ThirstyGhost · 05/09/2019 08:38

Why is she on his friend's list still? It's clearly causing problems so he should unfriend her. If she asks why, "it was causing problems like over this holiday". If the two of you don't love drama then just shut down your social media settings.

HugoSpritz · 05/09/2019 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrittleJoys · 05/09/2019 08:39

But did your DP and his ex also share the same hobby, which also made this ‘unique’ place an obvious annual destination for them?

Banangana · 05/09/2019 08:42

Your dp needs to set firmer boundaries and make it completely clear that he's not interested in her drama. If you're the poster I'm thinking of then he's behaved quite inappropriately in the past and I don't blame you for wanting to packing it all in.

SparklyMagpie · 05/09/2019 08:43

Block her and mutual friends - job done

If you know she's on his facebook, then you knew that she would see what you tagged him in