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Original poster

To think his ex should really keep her beak out?

204 replies

Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:20

I have posted before about dps ex and her constant text messages to him and her not having any boundaries - texting dp about problems in her relationship and how she made a mistake leaving him for OM. Dp and I have worked through these and he now has a strategy for dealing with this.

We are going on our first real holiday together. Somewhere he and ex have been together many times. They have been everytime without their dd and go on a yearly basis. His ex wasn’t aware we were going as it doesn’t affect her or their dd in any way. Their dd doesn’t go as the heat would be too much for her and she’s too young.

I posted on social media something about the location and she immediately started texting dp pretty much saying how dare he go without the dd even though they have always chosen to leave her behind. Really grilled dp about it. It’s obviously about her feelings, not the dd. I went mad and quite honestly felt like packing it all in. Feels a bit better today but how can I cope with this behaviour until their dd is old enough that contact doesn’t have to go through the ex? I love dp to bits.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 08:45

I'm wondering if he's enjoying the drama.

Your first holiday together shouldn't have been somewhere were he went with his ex.

You've had so many problems in the seven months that you've been together. Should you have hung on in there?

Is he really trying to put a stop to the contact from her? He must have known that the holiday would get a reaction.

If you stay dating him then you'll have to accept that you need to cut down on Social Media and do what you can do to minimise what you know about her.

I wonder if he's waiting for it to end with the ex and her BF and go back to her.

He could at least be turning off notifications or switching his phone off for a bit.

Do you honestly think that you aren't ignoring a lot that should be red flags?

Original poster
Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:45

Their dd still gets to go away, has just had a holiday with dp in fact and sees dp four nights a week so no contact has gone down since we got together. His ex is just a nosy pain in the arse.

OP posts:
Tyersal · 05/09/2019 08:46

I would suggest your oh stop telling you about contact with his ex. You only really need to know about any changes in schedule that affect you not what she thinks says or feels in any given subject. If your OH brings her up just say you don't want to know or hear about it

Flibbitygibbit · 05/09/2019 08:46

I had this. He's my ex now! Was all simply too much.

Tyersal · 05/09/2019 08:48

Also block her on social media her number and anything else that she can see or contact you on. I did and its the best thing I ever did

CalmdownJanet · 05/09/2019 08:48

I need to know what "his strategy" for dealing with the texts about wishing she hadn't left for the om are?

You need to block her on sm as other people have said, even though she isn't on your friends list, at least she won't be able to see things you tag.

HiHoToffee · 05/09/2019 08:48

Oh come on, you knew she would see your posts and you knew she would react.

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 08:49

"The place is a unique one. Can’t find it in many other places and it caters for our shared hobby."

X post. But wouldn't you have wanted to go somewhere to just have fun and were he could switch his phone off? You describe him as unaffectionate and caring, perhaps concentrate on building that?

You've settled for so little.

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 08:50

"and sees dp four nights a week"

Then how will this holiday not effect contact?

Sotiredofthislife · 05/09/2019 08:53

and sees dp four nights a week so no contact has gone down since we got together

So second time I’ve asked, is your DP going to miss contact whilst on holiday?

familycourtq · 05/09/2019 08:54

it caters for our shared hobby.

Good grief - this thread has it all including a mystery hobby.

Dec2019mumtobe · 05/09/2019 08:54

I posted on social media something about the location and she immediately started texting dp

That's your problem right there. Block her if it's Instagram.

Block her if it's Facebook too. Even if you're not friends with her, I'm guessing she can see your page because she's friends with DP and you've tagged him.

He could also change his privacy settings of his future posts to only show certain photos of DD and nothing else, or just remove her.

BrittleJoys · 05/09/2019 08:55

It hosts the world Tiddlywinks Championships?

Lanurk · 05/09/2019 08:56

He needs to delete her or if it’s fb he can limit what she sees if he feels unable to. It’s just weird. I don’t have my ex on my fb although I used to enjoy a peek at his because of the cringe worthy crap he used to post. Faking his 30th birthday night out with his 18 year old nephew (he was 36 and it wasn’t his birthday 🤢)

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/09/2019 08:57

You tagged him in it knowing she would see it. Come on now. You did that for a reaction.

HermioneWeasley · 05/09/2019 08:58

I have no idea why either of you are tolerating this drama

I suspect one or both of you are enjoying it

GinNotGym19 · 05/09/2019 08:58

If you block her she won’t be able to see if you tag him in things!
I’d just not engage he either needs to say no you’re being ridiculous we never took dd when we went then not discuss it further

Tonnerre · 05/09/2019 08:59

There really can't be any need for your partner's ex to be on his friends list. If he wants to share pictures of DD with her, he can limit what she can access to those. Or send them to her separately.

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/09/2019 09:00

Sound like you enjoy the drama! Shared hobby or not it’s really weird to go somewhere he’s been loads with his ex, he will have so many memories and associations!

ChuckleBuckles · 05/09/2019 09:03

OP I think you need to just let this relationship go, you have started many threads about this man and his interaction with his Ex. They share a child so this woman is not going anywhere, she will always be in your life and I would guess that one or more of the three of you is enjoying this "drama" with constant texts and social media posts. It is all to much for seven months in, you should be in the honeymoon stage still, not giving his ex so much head space.

Idontwanttotalk · 05/09/2019 09:04

Your DP needs to cut off all contact outside of communications regarding DD including blocking ex on social media.

If holiday is when DP will not be seeing DD then it is none of his ex's business (although civil behaviour to inform her he will be out of the country - just in case she had to contact him in an emergency).

A PP suggested it is her business if DD is not going on a separate holiday with him but I don't get that. Not every child in the country goes on holiday every year even when parents are together. If DD goes on holiday one year with her DF and one year with her DM then that is sufficient. Your DP has the right to a life with you too.

I know you say you are fine about the holiday but I wouldn't find it acceptable to go to the same place he went with his ex every year. Not for my first holiday with him. You say it's to do with a hobby but there are other places you could go for this hobby. He is being very lazy about this.

I fear you are in the wrong relationship if you are already feeling like packing it all in. Unless DP puts boundaries in place you're in for a bumpy ride.

JacquesHammer · 05/09/2019 09:04

You say that it won’t affect your partners daughter, but then you say he sees her 4 times a week.

Surely it will affect her?

harriethoyle · 05/09/2019 09:06

@familycourtq 🤣🤣

PP you knew perfectly well she would see your post. Stop stirring the pot.

harriethoyle · 05/09/2019 09:06

*OP even

Montybojangles · 05/09/2019 09:07

You were being unreasonable posting something she could see on social media mentioning the destination. Are you sure you didn’t do it to give her a little dig? She’s his problem to deal with, not yours. I feel for him, not only does he have an unreasonable ex that won’t back off, he’s got you going mad at him after it was your (at best thoughtless, at worst stirring) post that caused this particular problem.