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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think his ex should really keep her beak out?

204 replies

Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:20

I have posted before about dps ex and her constant text messages to him and her not having any boundaries - texting dp about problems in her relationship and how she made a mistake leaving him for OM. Dp and I have worked through these and he now has a strategy for dealing with this.

We are going on our first real holiday together. Somewhere he and ex have been together many times. They have been everytime without their dd and go on a yearly basis. His ex wasn’t aware we were going as it doesn’t affect her or their dd in any way. Their dd doesn’t go as the heat would be too much for her and she’s too young.

I posted on social media something about the location and she immediately started texting dp pretty much saying how dare he go without the dd even though they have always chosen to leave her behind. Really grilled dp about it. It’s obviously about her feelings, not the dd. I went mad and quite honestly felt like packing it all in. Feels a bit better today but how can I cope with this behaviour until their dd is old enough that contact doesn’t have to go through the ex? I love dp to bits.

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 05/09/2019 10:51

If you block her on Facebook then she can’t see what you have tagged DP in...

Cassilis · 05/09/2019 10:52

Was going to apologise for typo (meant to type benefit) but glad it made people smile!

Wtfdoipick · 05/09/2019 10:53

Bonjourfreddie I'd like confirmation of that from the op because it's entirely possible that the op doesn't consider the effect missing contact would have on either the dd or the ex. To me what the op has said just doesn't add up.

Sotiredofthislife · 05/09/2019 10:57

but we don't know if this is the case at all?

No, but it has been asked and the OP has ignored those requests. It’s all about the drama.

So are separated/divorced parents not allowed to ever go on holiday without their children in case they 'miss contact'?

They can do what they want as far as I’m concerned. The children will come to their own conclusions given time. However, you don’t go on holiday expecting the other parent to pick up your slack without discussing with the other parent first and if necessary, putting in place and paying for appropriate childcare.

I have 3 children. I have paid full childcare for many, many years. This is despite court orders and an ex who regularly sees his children. Because he goes away with no notice and my job won’t tolerate me being late or having to leave early, my childcare costs are around 25% more than they need to be. Given that he also pays no maintenance, it is a massive piss take. And in my experience, my ex is not the only one.

Sotiredofthislife · 05/09/2019 11:01

lets face it you've already made the judgement that the op is unreasonable

The OP hasn’t answered the questions she was asked. Until she does, it is hard to know. She has, however, dodged the questions, so what are people going to think?

Madfrogs · 05/09/2019 11:03

14 days ago you hadn’t even met the DD now you have. You’ve been together 7months split up once.

Just walk away op. He and his Ex after not other each other. Your both on rebound relationships from leaving long term relationships. She won’t be going anywhere their DD is 6years old. He enjoys the attention.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 05/09/2019 11:04

I wonder if OP will come back to clarify...

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 11:08

sotired ah so you're projecting then...

I wouldn't come back and answer posters like this either tbh.

JacquesHammer · 05/09/2019 11:15

I wouldn't come back and answer posters like this either tbh

Which is quite silly. I for one certainly haven’t said the OP is unreasonable, just that there isn’t enough info to judge the situation properly.

It’s a fairly safe bet though if you dodge questions, people will draw their own conclusions surrounding the info you’re refusing to clarify.

Greencustard · 05/09/2019 11:15

However, you don’t go on holiday expecting the other parent to pick up your slack without discussing with the other parent first and if necessary, putting in place and paying for appropriate childcare

Why are you assuming that this has happened? The OP has said their holiday will not affect the ex or the child. Another person trying their best to pick apart the thread and get points.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 11:16

there is enough info Jaques you just don't believe what ops saying...

whereas I am taking the op at face value and do believe what shes saying

Ringdonna · 05/09/2019 11:18

Hmmm sounds like you are deliberately stirring things OP Hmm

JacquesHammer · 05/09/2019 11:21

there is enough info Jaques you just don't believe what ops saying...

We have literally been through all this. Please try and re-read posts before re-hashing the same point over and over.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 11:21

I have read your posts, you don't think there's enough evidence.

There is enough evidence, you just want to prove op wrong.

JacquesHammer · 05/09/2019 11:24

There is enough evidence, you just want to prove op wrong

You might have that sort of petty mindset, most of us just want clarification before we advise. I’m sorry that’s so tricky for you to understand.

Blueoasis · 05/09/2019 11:27

Hang on..

You all seriously think that op should avoid an entire country for holidays, just because her dp took his ex there a few times? Seriously? Hmm

She doesn't own the country, region or even the hotel. Sod her. She also cheated on the dp of op. She has zero right in kicking up a fuss about this, for any reason. And let's face it, it's got sod all to do with the kid. The ex is jealous, has realised she made a mistake by shagging someone else and wants him back. Fact is, he doesn't want her. He's with op. Maybe he likes the country they are going to? Maybe she does too? Are we not allowed to like things exs do just to avoid hurting their feelings?

OP also doesn't have to edit how she posts things on FB just to keep the ex happy. If she gets upset about it, that's her fucking problem. Sod the ex. She wanted to sleep with someone else, she lost the guy. That is completely her fault and she needs to accept he has a partner and stop being pathetic and contacting him whining. If op has to tiptoe on eggshells, the ex wins. She has all of the attention, everyone thinks of her, it's so stupid.

Whether the op did it deliberately or not is irrelevant. The ex shouldn't have reacted regardless and it shows how immature she is that she did.

Jesus I'm actually shocked at this thread at how people have reacted and want to avoid hurting the poor little ex. She's the crazy one who can't let go.

Sotiredofthislife · 05/09/2019 11:27

No projection at all. If the OP answered the question with ‘yeah, we discussed the holiday with the e and she agreed 3 months ago and my partner has secured a place in after school club and will pay for it before we go’ then fair enough. Unfortunately, she has dodged the question. What does that say to you?

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 11:27

petty mindset? what to trust what someones said?

how is that petty?

you can try and patronise me all you like but I am not sure where you think itll get you! Confused

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 11:28

dodged the question or just hasn't replied...…

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/09/2019 11:30

So she cheated on him and he still has her on his Facebook? Why?

OP, I’ve seen one of your other threads and you seriously have bigger problems with this relationship and this boyfriend - he’s not your partner, don’t be ridiculous - so I wonder why you’re focusing on the ex. Is it so you have a distraction from the other issues?

If you’re not happy then ditch him and move on. If you relish the drama then crack on, I have no doubt there will always be plenty.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/09/2019 11:54

woman doesn't wash dishes before partner comes homes

partner kicks off

is it the womans fault for not doing the dishes because she knew he wouldn't like it?

or is it his fault for being a twat?

It depends.

Hs she deliberately smeared bean juice over every dish n the house in the hope of provoking an argument?

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 11:55

schaden op hasn't deliberately done anything either, except post on her own social media, she isn't friends with the ex.

rededucator · 05/09/2019 12:35

Bean juice GrinGrin

Original poster
Troubledee · 05/09/2019 12:42

I’m not dodging any questions. The holiday is on the days dp doesn’t see his dd.

OP posts:
GlitchStitch · 05/09/2019 12:54

OP why don't you have his ex blocked so she won't see your posts? Also considering 2 weeks ago you broke up with him it does seem that you are overcompensating with gushy FB posts. Why not just date quietly, without all the drama, instead of getting upset because he won't commit to you forever after 6 months and all the other stuff? Sounds very immature.

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