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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think his ex should really keep her beak out?

204 replies

Troubledee · 05/09/2019 08:20

I have posted before about dps ex and her constant text messages to him and her not having any boundaries - texting dp about problems in her relationship and how she made a mistake leaving him for OM. Dp and I have worked through these and he now has a strategy for dealing with this.

We are going on our first real holiday together. Somewhere he and ex have been together many times. They have been everytime without their dd and go on a yearly basis. His ex wasn’t aware we were going as it doesn’t affect her or their dd in any way. Their dd doesn’t go as the heat would be too much for her and she’s too young.

I posted on social media something about the location and she immediately started texting dp pretty much saying how dare he go without the dd even though they have always chosen to leave her behind. Really grilled dp about it. It’s obviously about her feelings, not the dd. I went mad and quite honestly felt like packing it all in. Feels a bit better today but how can I cope with this behaviour until their dd is old enough that contact doesn’t have to go through the ex? I love dp to bits.

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 09:45

not necessarily if they do like 4 days on 4 days off, they could be going in the exs 4 days?

I dunno!

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2019 09:45

Bonjourfreddie there's lots of inconsistencies in every one of the OPs posts.

How does he see his DD four times a week, but a holiday won't effect that?

It sounds as though the ex is in an abusive relationship, at least towards the DD, but the focus is always on bullshit like this.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 09:46

like I said, I wouldn't know because I haven't AS her.

as I said above its possible both are true, or maybe he's arranged alternative childcare?

The op is allowed to focus on whatever "bullshit" she wants. Mumsnet is supposed to be for advice.

JacquesHammer · 05/09/2019 09:47

not necessarily if they do like 4 days on 4 days off, they could be going in the exs 4 days?

Indeed. Which is why the question was asked earlier. I think it’s an important piece of info to know.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 05/09/2019 09:49
  1. You enjoy the drama
  2. It’s weird your DP is taking you to the same place he took his EX annually
  3. Why is your DP friends with his ex on social media if he doesn’t want her to see what he is up too.
  4. This will get worse
dollydaydream114 · 05/09/2019 09:50

All your posts are about this and/or your other problems with your DP - haven't you only been together a few months?

If there are this many problems in a brand new relationship, it's doomed. Not because of his ex, but because the pair of you are not remotely compatible and because all three of you can't resist stirring drama. If your ex wasn't loving the attention he wouldn't be friends with his ex on social media, and if you weren't all loving scoring points of her you wouldn't be tagging him in the full knowledge that she'd see it and she wouldn't be rising to it. It is also fucking weird to insist on going on holiday to the exact same place that your BF and his ex always went to and I don't believe for one minute it's the one and only destination that meets your holiday requirements.

You're all as bad as each other and I feel sorry for your boyfriend's child who is caught in the middle.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/09/2019 09:51

He must have a time share villa or something.

I’ve AS OPs other posts. She isn’t mature enough for this relationship.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2019 09:51

Partner? Or boyfriend?

ButterflyOne1 · 05/09/2019 09:51

Hi OP

I haven't read all the replies but I feel your pain. My DP had his ex on his Facebook when we first got together. I couldn't understand why and he said two reasons: 1. So she can see how happy he is now he left her. 2. Because it would be 'grief' to delete her.

Needless to say she got deleted after she kept poking her nose into our business. Your DP needs to delete and block her. There is no reason whatsoever for them to be 'friends' on social media.

As for waiting for his DD to be older so contact is limited, you'll be waiting until the kids turn 18+ for that. Contact does not get less the older they get. There will always be an excuse for her to contact DP.

Your DP needs to speak to ex and explain she is to only contact regarding the children. If there's anything else she reaches our for, he needs to ignore.

It sounds like he might still like the attention so you might need to tackle that issue.

As for the holiday, there's no way I'd want to go to the same place my DP and Ex visited. Regardless of hobbies, they'd be other places and for me it's just weird.

Also for those asking how it'll affect your DP DD when he's on holiday, it one week - she'll be fine. Everyone deserves a bloody holiday!!

Juells · 05/09/2019 09:52

Let me guess, your post was something along the lines of "so excited for our holiday to X with the love of my life

^^ this

Shit stirring. There's an entire world available for holidays, but you and 'DP' choose to go to the place she and he went to together. "But it's a different hotel!!!" Hmm

ThirstyGhost · 05/09/2019 09:52

It simply doesn't make sense to have your exes as friends on social media if it results in them creating drama in your life. Just block. I'm not buying that you "need" to be friends with them on SM because you had a child together - that's what texts and emails are for.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 09:53

am I the only one who doesn't see why it matters that theyre holidaying in the same place?

do people really care about that?

do I have to write off every holiday destination ive been to dp with if we split?

Blablaa · 05/09/2019 09:53
  1. tighten social media privacy settings, block her, or unfriend her.
  2. don’t book a holiday where your dp and ex have been numerous times, make new memories.
  3. think about this from the child’s point of view and move forward with that in mind.
Likethebattle · 05/09/2019 09:53

If you block her she can’t see what you tag your ex in. She also can’t see your comments on his posts etc. Lock your Facebook down so she doesn’t use someone else’s or a fake account to look at your page. I have changed my name slightly so anyone looking wont find me.

Wehttam · 05/09/2019 09:54

It’s odd that he’d be so keen to take you where he took her. You don’t look like her by any chance do you? He’s not over her, he can’t be if he’s willingly take you on her holidays.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 05/09/2019 09:54

Who is looking after the daughter while he is on holiday, during his 4 days per week contact?

VenusClapTrap · 05/09/2019 09:55

It sounds exhausting. I think I’d just move on to pastures new.

kierenthecommunity · 05/09/2019 09:55

why should op stop tagging her partner in her posts?

Because the world wouldn’t blow up if she didn’t. Why does he need to be tagged into a post about their holiday? Presumably he already knows he’s going?

Blablaa · 05/09/2019 09:55

Bonjourfreddie it sounds like you holiday in different places, so no I wouldn’t write off every holiday destination you’d been with dp. But in this case the OP is going on her first real holiday, to a destination her dp and his ex went to EVERY YEAR. it’s not the same.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 09:56

Because the world wouldn’t blow up if she didn’t. Why does he need to be tagged into a post about their holiday? Presumably he already knows he’s going?

why should op change her behaviour to placate the ex?

its the ex who's reaction is OTT here, its her problem. Op can post what she likes.

Like I say I would personally block the ex and continue to post whatever I wanted...

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/09/2019 10:00

its the ex who's reaction is OTT here, its her problem.

Yes but it’s the OP who is here complaining about that reaction. There is a simple option, within OPs control, to prevent OP being exposed to such reactions from the ex again. If OP chooses not to take those simple steps then she can’t really keep on complaining about the exes reaction.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 10:03

I agree, op should block her, or to be honest, sack off this relationship all together because this woman (and likely the dp) will never change.

however, I still think shes entitled to be annoyed at the ex for being like this.I think she should be annoyed at her dp for indulging the ex as well, though.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/09/2019 10:06

Yes, OP can post what she likes but, as PP says, 'stir the pot, then lick the spoon'. Why poke a stick at somebody and then cry because they complaint about it? That's stupid.

There are some really drama-llamas out there, it's baffling to me as I'd hate it but, takes all sorts to make a world, I guess.

dollybooo · 05/09/2019 10:08

All this Facebook tagging & giving all this personal information out to people is childish in my opinion.

You are asking for the shitstorm when you are 'tagging' your DP in all this stuff, I mean do you really need to remind him, need everyone's approval, comments etc & not to mention telling everyone your home will be empty ??? Yes it's non of her business but you are adding fuel to the fire.

Over Sharing far too much & its typical of all this social media shite & it's why I got rid of FB ages ago.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 10:08

shes not poking a stick, shes posting on her own fb, she isn't friends with the ex!

victim blaming or what.