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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

197 replies

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:19

Hi everyone

I have just been going through my baby clothes I have already, my baby shower is next month and I have the attached so far;

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

For those who think ianbu, what items would you ask for after looking at the list of clothes I already have?

This will be my first baby and I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery as I’ll probably have a chest of drawers for clothes storage.

Thank you! :)

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts
OP posts:
Original poster
Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:20

When I say specific I mean specific sizings and request baby grows or co ord sets etc etc

OP posts:
MaryBerriesNiece · 04/09/2019 21:21

It’s grabby asking for specific gifts imo.

timeisnotaline · 04/09/2019 21:22

no, don’t.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 04/09/2019 21:22

Yabu
To have a baby shower.
And to be grabby.
If I'm going to find a positive, it's that it would avoid waste. But, you always need loads of stuff and don't use certain things.

ShallICompareTheeToASummersDay · 04/09/2019 21:23

I think YABU to ask for specific stuff. “Clothes” in general would be fine though. Also please don’t get jeans for your 3-6 mo. They are not comfy!

meditrina · 04/09/2019 21:24

You shouldn't be asking at all (that is one of the things that departs significantly from the established way, and comes across as grabby)

Instead, have whoever is hosting your shower do some discreet coordination, and nudge people towards things she knows you would like. Lists are inappropriate, as it's a small gathering of people who are close, so the host can do this in conversation.

mynameiscalypso · 04/09/2019 21:24

Personally, I think you need more babygrows / sleep suits. Our three week old can get through 4 in a night easily. Also, you don't have anything 0-3 months? It obviously depends on how big your baby is but DS still is too small for 0-3 months and is only just growing out of some newborn stuff. To be honest, although I bought clothes before hand, most of them were bought online in the week after he was born when we realised what size he actually would be!

Rarfy · 04/09/2019 21:25

I wouldn't ask for specific gifts but if people ask I'd happily say what I was in need of. Quick look at your list, definitely more babygrows.

Tuppence and crumble star wrap too.

GreytExpectations · 04/09/2019 21:25

Mumsnet hates baby showers so your thread won't go well. While Im not bothered much about people throwing them I do thi think k you asking for specific gifts is very grabby

Spinderellacutituponetime · 04/09/2019 21:25

No. Don’t ask for stuff.

waterrat · 04/09/2019 21:26

What me and my friends have done is the person having a baby gets one large item and everyone chips in. Ie. We got one friend a sling...another an expensive blanket. I got a hamper of food (best present btw))

I think that is a good way to do it otherwise honestly I think it's a bit naff to actually ask for presents. Let people have some joy in picking out a gift for you.

And also I'm not anti baby shower I think they are a nice chance for a get together but when I had one I specifically said please no presents.

I think people prefer to bring a gift when they meet the baby. And also it's just a bit rude to make the baby shower about gifts.

GoldenKelpie · 04/09/2019 21:27

I see where you're coming from but regrettably OP, you are being unreasonable to ask for specific things.

I personally have no idea why this trend has become acceptable, to buy a gift before baby is born as well as after, and furthermore be expected to pay to attend the shower. The last one I was 'invited' to was asking for £15 per head Shock. How much are you asking people to pay?

I suggest you be extremely grateful for whatever you receive and any extra stuff you don't want donate to a women's' refuge.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2019 21:27

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

Yes.

Also, you have newborn but no 0-3? It's not the same. Also you don't have that much of anything, so I don't think you being given more of what you have is an issue.

You can get through 4 babygrows is a day! You don't want to have to put on a half or quarter load of washing every day.

Ylvamoon · 04/09/2019 21:28

A gift is something someone wants to give to you.
Asking for specific items is granny and telling people what to give you. It's better to tell people what you would like if they ask you.

TheTrollFairy · 04/09/2019 21:28

You have jackets for a newborn? As in denim jackets!!

You need babygrows/sleep suits, vests, warm all in one coat.
Your current clothes aren’t really realistic for everyday babies

tweebookworm · 04/09/2019 21:29

I don't see anything wrong with lists. Especially this day and age when it is all about environment and reducing waste. It makes sure each of the gifts is only what is 1000% desired by parents and needed

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/09/2019 21:31

Denim jacket for a newborn?! Take it back and swap it for a cardi. I agree that 4 babygrows isn’t enough. There’s a huge size difference between newborn and 3-6. Maybe casually mention to people that you don’t have anything in 0-3.

Cryalot2 · 04/09/2019 21:32

My babies are now adults and way back then I was so excited at being a mum .There was no scans and I bought a few beautiful baby grows ( one still on a doll somewhere lol) dc was born and bigger than expected and non of his clothes fitted.
I would say , babies can be unpredictable, so just see what you are gifted first.

Clangus00 · 04/09/2019 21:32

Normally you wait until,after the baby is born to get gifts.

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:33

Thanks, defo won’t ask then! This is the thing I don’t want to seem ungreatful or have people buy me a gift of an outfit that they may never see him in and think I’m a dick for not putting it to good use. I would have felt dead cheeky asking but don’t really know the ‘rules’ of baby showering and in the past I have been asked to get clothes in sizes x y and z but it never bothered me as I’d prefer them to get the use of them, than they be sat in the bottom draw with tags on collecting dust.

Thanks for the advice on jeans, I am planning on putting him in lounge wear I.e jersey material pants and maybe dress him in jeans and a smart top for occasions.

@mynameiscalypso my friend said this about changing multiple times too, I have been around babies before (both my sisters have children) and I never remember them being sick or constantly being changed so I’m finding it hard to gauge lol and I don’t want to annoy the hell out of people by asking for advice on what clothes I need all the time ha!

OP posts:
Thiswayorthatway · 04/09/2019 21:35

Very grabby to have a baby shower at all

SinkGirl · 04/09/2019 21:36

Oh OP. Your list made me chuckle.

Buy multipacks of vests and sleepsuits, anything they wear will have poo and sick all over it, and they grow out of stuff so fast. Putting babies in outfits and jeans? You may do it once for a photo... then they’ll crap on it. Then you’ll get the sleepsuits back on.

HJWT · 04/09/2019 21:36

@Heartburn888 you don't have 0-3 or 6-9 so why not say "Hey if you are thinking of bringing a gift (you really don't need to, coming is good enough) any clothing items would be great in 0-3 for winter months or 6-9 stuff that suits the summer months"

Obviously depending what time of year your DS is going to be born.

kathrynwithak · 04/09/2019 21:37

Are you having a laugh! No list! Accept presents graciously and send a lovely thank you card! Handwritten not a generic printed version. Then swap or return items not required for credit vouchers or items required. Quite frankly your attitude is astounding and rude!

Supersimkin · 04/09/2019 21:40

OP, you're being sensible but it will come across as greedy. Thing is, no one is supposed to expect presents. And your guests will probably be pigsick of shelling out for your life events, partic if you've already had a massive hen do/far-flung wedding etc etc.

If you're skint, head over to a Salvation Army baby bank. They have loads of cracking stuff as well as all the equipment you need. I volunteered for one and was blown away by the rows new clothes, not to mention all the Silver Cross, bugaboo, etc. (admittedly this was in London). If you're not, your list is pretty cheap to pay for yourself.

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