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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

197 replies

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:19

Hi everyone

I have just been going through my baby clothes I have already, my baby shower is next month and I have the attached so far;

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

For those who think ianbu, what items would you ask for after looking at the list of clothes I already have?

This will be my first baby and I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery as I’ll probably have a chest of drawers for clothes storage.

Thank you! :)

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

OP posts:

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/09/2019 21:57

I actually think asking for clothes for a tiny baby is a bit of a waste all round, as people will probably feel obliged to buy more expensive ones, as giving a Tesco multipack of vests looks a bit rubbish, but it's a waste of money because they wear the clothes for so little time. Second hand is the best bet, with a few cheap vests and babygrows to fill any gaps.

You also don't know what size baby will be - I know people whose babies were born too big for newborn clothes, and my DS wore them for literally a couple of weeks, because he needed tiny baby when he was born but then piled on the weight fast so sort of sped through newborn. We had so much stuff that he either never wore or wore once.

Baby clothes are sold everywhere, so while obviously you need some bits, don't panic too much about having everything you'll need for the first six months. A lot of people buy stuff for a baby in a manner that suggests they think all the shops will shut when they give birth - and it often means you end up with a load of unused stuff that seemed a good idea when you were pregnant but you quickly realise you didn't need or want.

DueToBeDecimated · 04/09/2019 21:57

Are you expecting everyone to pay for their own meal AND buy you a gift? If people are paying for themselves then I think you cant specify gifts too. A faux surprised "awww you really didn't have to" will suffice if people feel like bringing you something.

I've attended baby showers and like giving a gift but because I wanted to, not because of any expectation.

PinkDaffodil2 · 04/09/2019 21:57

So long as you have about 7 vests and sleepsuits in newborn and 0-3 month plus a couple of warm cardigans you’ll be absolutely fine. And a cute outfit for pictures on Christmas Day maybe I hope the house move goes well. Sainsburys and George at Asda do delivery too so you can order online if you’re short of something and getting to the shops is difficult.

meditrina · 04/09/2019 21:57

"so do you all blast people for having wedding registeries too?"

No, providing the list is provided only when requested. Weddings are often much larger events so the logistics are different. You don't really need lists for tiny weddings, and showers are way smaller gatherings than even tiny weddings.

When it is a small gathering, such as a shower, of the people closest to to future mother, the host (who is not the honouree) can coordinate by talking to other other guests.

LolaSmiles · 04/09/2019 21:59

The matching set won't be matching for long

I think the advice on more practical basics Vs cute outfits is worth taking on board because if you're going through 2-5 sets of clothing a day then it's not really a case of getting a set of lounging in the house clothes.

Equally, you're unlikely to be dressing baby up in cute outfits for most trips. They're adorable as they are any you'll probably be after ease of use.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/09/2019 21:59

Surely one baby shower with a gift makes more sense then friends and family popping over all month long the first month with a gift that is no longer needed as any responsible person will make sure the first 6 months are taken care of. The mother will be tired after child birth and the last thing that is wanted is constant visitors

I absolutely disagree with every word of this, which I guess goes to show how different we all are and how there's no right or wrong way to have and prepare for a baby!

DueToBeDecimated · 04/09/2019 21:59

IF anyone asks what you need, I'd suggest Grobags for sleeping in. You'll deffo get use out of those! Theres 0-6 months then 6-18 months in different togs so bear in mind the weather when LO is born when considering which weights you'll need

BikeRunSki · 04/09/2019 21:59

A baby shower is quite grabby enough in itself

Biancadelrioisback · 04/09/2019 22:00

I think you need to speak to your sisters OP. If they've had children they'll be able to advise you.
You definitely need more sensible stuff. I bought loads of stuff in bundles on eBay, sold on what I didn't want/use and pass the lot on once DS out here them.
Packs and packs of baby grows. I'd actually avoid 'sets' as they are a huge PITA if/when baby shits or vomits. My DS came at 34 weeks so we had to panic buy preemie clothes.
Also, remember that you'll need to be able to carry at least a whole outfit change for your DS with you every time you leave the house. They have a habit of being sick/shitting at the worst possible moment

Pippa12 · 04/09/2019 22:01

Maybe baby showers are an ‘up north’ thing?! We love them, I’m 35 and attended multiple baby showers, paid £15-£20 for meal (afternoon tea etc) bought gifts (usually a pregnancy massage for the mum) and bought baby a gift on arrival. Loved every minute, felt privileged to be part of the excitement and never begrudged a penny. You’ll have a fab day I’m sure!!!

Please don’t send a list tho, as much as I love baby showers I think all attendees should have the option to buy a low cost pack of bibs/socks/vest and then a proper present when baby arrives!!!

I say pants too you definitely need more sleepsuits. Enjoy every second!

meditrina · 04/09/2019 22:01

'then I think you cant specify gifts too'

She already has done by calling it a shower.

That's short hand for 'shower with gifts'. The gift giving is the whole point.

If you want a party (with or without themed activities) that does not oblige guests to bring a gift, don't call it a shower. It's not a term for ant party during pregnancy, it's a term for a gift-giving party nirmalltpy to mark rites of passage occasions such as marriage or maternity

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/09/2019 22:02

my partner has two boys that we will need to start buying Xmas gifts for and one of his sons birthday is just before Xmas so just trying to be smart with money this year.

Doesn't he know what clothes to buy if he's already got two children?

MarthasGinYard · 04/09/2019 22:02

Shudder

00100001 · 04/09/2019 22:05

We just said " if you're not sure, buy him.books"

bananasaidso · 04/09/2019 22:05

no, don't ask. Just wait and see. You might not even like or use what they give you. I kept unused items for regifting (obviously not to the same people) as it saves money. You can also sell them and get what you want.

Don't get jeans for kids. They restrict movement. Jogging bottoms and tights are better as they provide flexibility of movement. For winters I found footed bottoms to be the best as babies rub/take socks off their feet. For winters you can find really good fleece lines bottoms which means lesser layers of clothing for the baby.

bananasaidso · 04/09/2019 22:08

Also there is no harm in using hand me downs. Save money and environment. Ask your family and friends if they have any good quality clothes that they are willing to pass on. For the first few months vest and tights are much easily manageable. Keep fancy clothing for going out or pictures.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 04/09/2019 22:08

Tbf, while I don't really like the way they look, most baby 'jeans' are much thinner and softer than adult jeans precisely because otherwise they'd be very uncomfortable and restrictive for the baby

Iliketeaagain · 04/09/2019 22:09

Asking for specific gifts is only grabby if people don't ask want you want.
It's different with family I think - my aunt asked if there was anything we needed and offered to buy e.g a baby gate or a playpen and we gratefully accepted her offer.

IME, you can never have too many muslin squares, or baby gros in the first few months, so if anyone asks if you need anything specific, they probably mean it, so there is nothing wrong with saying that you could always use more of something like that - and they are not expensive items.

Also, jf you haven't been around babies, then you genuinely may have no idea what could be useful, so it makes sense to ask the recipient what they might like.

londonrach · 04/09/2019 22:09

Yabu. Baby showers dont happen in real life just in films. Id never ever ever give a present at a baby shower as the only time i gave a present before baby was still born. Alot of people feel the say prefer to give present when baby is safely here. You going to need Alot more baby grows...yesterday my friend went through three in half an hour. Babies poo, bring milk up, are sick... its amazing but you need alot more clothes.

bananasaidso · 04/09/2019 22:09

Lisa in my experience no jeans I saw were as flexible as jogging bottoms and tights. Mine was very wriggly from the time she was born didn't like her legs being restricted by jeans.

Original poster

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 22:10

I’m not expecting people to bring me a gift but I know realistically I will receive some gifts.

I’m up north too and I think baby showers are the norm 😂 all my friends and family members who have had children have had one and I can’t think of one person who hasn’t had one. the posters that have said baby showers are grabby, where about are you in the country just out of interest?

Glad I’m not alone saying pants, I consider trousers to be like school trousers nylon material type of job haha

That picture posted is so funny and even funnier because my partners mum has bought him a all in one suit that looks similar to it 😂😂

OP posts:

InsertFunnyUsername · 04/09/2019 22:10

I love baby showers, watching the mum to be excited, surrounded by friends and family. Its lovely

Glad you decided not to send the list OP that is a bit cheeky to some (if it was my best friend I would prefer to know what she needs) and dont underestimate babies. They cant move/talk do much but they can be bloody messy. Congratulations and hope for a smooth birth OP

SunshineCake · 04/09/2019 22:12

Don't put a baby in jeans and smart shirt for special occasions. That will be one wear then. They are uncomfortable for the baby. He isn't a doll. baby showers are awful.

All you need is baby grows, a cardigan, hat, blankets, nappies, muslins, socks maybe., vests.

WorraLiberty · 04/09/2019 22:13

Whatever you decide to do, I wouldn't say to anyone "I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery".

If you did, I'm sure they'd wonder how you think people without nurseries manage?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 04/09/2019 22:14

Don’t ask, don’t do baby shower,some of your invites you won’t see for dust until they remember you for their shower. It is boring and grabby.

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