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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

197 replies

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:19

Hi everyone

I have just been going through my baby clothes I have already, my baby shower is next month and I have the attached so far;

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

For those who think ianbu, what items would you ask for after looking at the list of clothes I already have?

This will be my first baby and I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery as I’ll probably have a chest of drawers for clothes storage.

Thank you! :)

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

OP posts:

WanderingMind · 05/09/2019 06:07

And also it's just a bit rude to make the baby shower about gifts

What DO you imagine the phrase ”baby shower” means then?

The term shower means that the expectant mother is "showered" with gifts. BUT I agree its grabby to specify exactly what people should bring.

Personally I think that people prefer to come over and welcome the new arrival with a present after it's born.

Original poster

Heartburn888 · 05/09/2019 06:36

Thank you so much for your advice everyone! It’s all noted and I’ll certainly be picking up a tonne more sleep suits and I do need to invest in a pram suit as well! I am so excited for him to be here I guess I want to make sure I have everything and be prepared 😂😂

@Topbird29

Oh wow I bet that was a surprise! Did you panic buy or did you have her wear a few boy grows until you had some girl clothes?

@CoffeeNeeded2019
Thanks for that, and yes please for the list ☺️

OP posts:

MsSquiz · 05/09/2019 06:40

@Heartburn888 I am also due in December with my first and SIL is throwing me a baby shower.

As soon as we found out DD was a girl, we were inundated with baby clothes from immediate family) to the point where her wardrobe rivals mine already! so I have asked SIL to mention that we really don't need any clothes for her at all, but if guests would like to bring a gift, then a book would be lovely. That way we can build up her collection of books and they should last significantly longer than an outfit.

Marinetta · 05/09/2019 06:56

Definitely comes across as grabby, if people choose to bring a gift to your baby shower that's fine but you shouldn't be telling them to and definitely shouldn't be telling them what to give you. I was always told to be grateful for any gift I was given even if I didn't like it as no one is obliged to give you anything. As far as I'm aware a baby shower is about celebrating the pregnancy rather than stocking up on clothes and toys. I've been to very few baby showers as they aren't ca thing with my circle of friends but the obes I have been to I've nnever taken a gift. I always send a gift after the baby has been born.

IMissMargaritas · 05/09/2019 07:07

Kinda weird that you're throwing you're own shower....the term baby shower literally means to 'shower' with gifts. It's like saying 'Hey! Come and pay for a meal as well as buy a present for a baby that hasn't safely arrived yet!'

That said - in the same frame as the hundreds of other posters....please please PLEASE stay away from those absurd bow tie/shirt combos and anything denim. The poor newborn will want nothing more than to snuggle up in a cosy little sleepsuit. Regardless of how quickly they'll poop all over it, you have to put their comfort before how cute they (apparently) look.

Kelsoid · 05/09/2019 07:07

*your! Goddam autocorrect.

Original poster

Heartburn888 · 05/09/2019 07:11

I’m so glad I posted this thread as the denim jacket will be being fished out and given away. I thought it was pretty cute personally, but I did mention to my partner that I’d be worried about changing him into denim or heavy clothes in case I hurt him putting him in it

OP posts:

hazandduck · 05/09/2019 07:30

OP I had a baby shower, my lovely sisters and sister in law organised as a surprise. It was attended by friends and some family, a lot of them mums themselves. Because it was a surprise I of course didn’t expect gifts, but the stuff I received as a first time mum was a lot of stuff I never even thought or knew about; bottles of gripe water, a lovely Winnie the Pooh night light that really helped DD settle, bed time creams, lotions and shampoos that lasted months and months, perineum oil (didn’t even know what my perineum was!!) and a whole host of breast pads, maternity pants, clothing, vests, socks that I would even have known I needed. It really was incredible and a huge help. And a million Muslin squares that we used a lot with a refluxy baby, you never know what your baby will be like.

I also bought so many clothes for Dd (still do nearly 2 years on) from H and M basics range, they are well priced, wash well and scrolling through you can see and get an idea for what you will need.

Good luck with baby. I would 100% not ask for anything, but I personally find it rude.

hazandduck · 05/09/2019 07:31

Just seen your post, babies are tougher than you think! They are wriggly and you will be wrestling your baby in to the footed pjs etc and realise you won’t break him! I promise ❤️ Keep the denim jacket, I had nice little bits, there’s no harm in it.

jaseyraex · 05/09/2019 07:39

I don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning what sizes you need most. I found most friends/family asked me anyway if they were buying clothes. But I am absolutely agreeing with everyone that you need lots of vests and sleep suits!

The jeans and shirts and things may be cute but realistically you are unlikely to use them. Soft, comfy clothes are key for pretty much the first year! Rompers are great when they start getting up on their feet. There is a big difference between newborn and 0-3 as well. I personally only had a few essentials in each of those sizes then topped up on what size I needed most. Neither of my DS's fit in to newborn (9lb 6oz and 11lb 2oz ) so I was glad I didn't have loads!

littleduckeggblue · 05/09/2019 07:40

Please don't put your newborn baby in denim jackets and jeans
Literally all you need at the beginning is about 10 sleepsuits and 10 vests depending on how often you do a clothes wash

Dieu · 05/09/2019 07:40

God, no.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 05/09/2019 07:46

I am planning on putting him in lounge wear I.e jersey material pants and maybe dress him in jeans and a smart top for occasions.

Screw that. DD was in babygros for the first 6 months!

Boobiliboobiliboo · 05/09/2019 07:50

did you have her wear a few boy grows until you had some girl clothes?

And so it starts. Hurrah for everyday sexism (not). Babygros in any colour/picture/pattern are fine for either sex.

Weezol · 05/09/2019 07:55

Those who asked what we would like I suggested gift vouchers

Is there a nice way to let your guests know, maybe via your mum/sister that you really don't want any specific gifts, but if people really want to do something, Morrison's/Tesco/Primark/Asda vouchers would be appreciated?

OneStepSideways · 05/09/2019 08:00

Yes I'm afraid that would be seen as very grabby, unless the baby shower is just close family and you can't afford to buy the clothes yourself.

IME the parents to be stock up on basics like clothes, and shower guests bring things like comforters, baby books, hooded towels, toys etc.

You can buy cheap multipacks of vests, sleepsuits etc from Asda/Boots/Tesco.

Oh and it's impossible to get a newborn into a denim jacket, as I discovered when a relative one as a gift and I needed a photo! Babies have wriggly little arms, it's hard enough to get them into sleeves let alone denim :-)

Boobiliboobiliboo · 05/09/2019 08:02

I’m laughing at the notion of a white jacket being “practical” for a baby —or, indeed, a middle aged woman—.

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 05/09/2019 08:15

Your unborn baby has more jackets than I do.

Honestly you just need loads of babygros and vests, a decent pramsuit, some cardis, socks and blankets. Ask for vouchers for shops you likd. You never know what sort of summer we might get when your baby is a bit older so planning their wardrobe now is daft (my DS was 4-6 months during the baking hot 2018 summer and just wore rompers or nothing, the vast majority of his 3-6 month clothes were immaculate because they were barely worn).

Giraffe888 · 05/09/2019 08:16

My DS is 7wks. He has only just outgrown newborn and is now in 0-3. We are mainly dressing him in baby grows as tops and bottoms are an absolute pain! The top rides up and taking bottoms off for nappy change is annoying. Baby grows are far more comfortable for him, look cuter and are more practical!

We got bought clothing gifts that weren’t suitable so just took them back and exchanged them, the gift buyer never needs to know!

Equimum · 05/09/2019 08:17

I’m 50:50 in this one. It is generally seen as inappropriate to ask for gifts and to specify what, but at the same time, we need to produce less waste, and it is far more helpful if people buy new parents what the need and want. We ended up with lots of gifts we never used (duplicates, impractical etc) and it was a real shame.

Perhaps hold on to the list and give it to anyone who asks.

Sayhellotothethings · 05/09/2019 08:22

Hi OP, MN hates baby showers so sorry that this thread will have already involved peolle calling you grabby for having one.

Get some 0 - 3 no the clothes, newborn only does up to about 10lb max whereas 0 - 3 months will go up to about 13/14lb, then on to 3 - 6. My little girl barely fitted in her newborn for more than a couple of weeks.

Really practical clothing items I have found for when you want to make life easy for yourself but also look like baby is in an outfit is something like leggings or joggers for a boy, over a body suit.

Don't forget some gro bags :)

Sayhellotothethings · 05/09/2019 08:26

Screw that. DD was in babygros for the first 6 months!

The OP is a first time mum, where is the support? We all have to find things out somehow, when I was pregnant I literally found myself googling 'what do newborns wear

DD is 3 months and wears a mixture of outfits or sleepsuits, depending on 1. How much I can be bothered and 2. Where we are going. Outfits are easy ones like a dress and leggings though.

It is personal preference but don't make a new mum feel clueless when at some point that was literally all of us.

Handbag101 · 05/09/2019 08:29

This thread is so interesting. As it happens I've been asked to organise a baby shower for a friend of mine (I've been given instructions from mother to be on what she would like). Basically we all have to bring snacks, cakes etc which was fine. I organised a what's app group of about 25 people. Everyone was fine with this. I probably know 5 out of the 25 women. It was actually quite funny with people saying what snacks and drinks they would bring.

However, then my friend asked me to distribute the massive long list of gifts she would like to receive. Expensive candles, sheets, even some silverware. Cheapest item on there around £40. Needless to say 10 people left the group straightaway and are no longer coming. Please don't be grabby and expect gifts to be bought for you. Instead just make it a fun afternoon with your friends and family. Also this group of women aren't posh or rich, just extremely normal. Some people just don't have the money these days. Also I appreciate that people could have clubbed together to by gifts but that is up to them to decide, not me as the organiser.... All actually very stressful.

HJWT · 05/09/2019 08:32

@Handbag101 I would of told her to get fu..ed 😂

Dulra · 05/09/2019 08:36

Not going to comment on the baby shower but just grateful it doesn't seem to be a thing where I live. Just wanted to advise on exchanging the newborn stuff for 0-3 months. I have 3 kids all born about
the 8lb mark and the newborn stuff I had barely fitted them and was very tight on them so just get 0-3 unless you think you are having a very small baby

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