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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

197 replies

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:19

Hi everyone

I have just been going through my baby clothes I have already, my baby shower is next month and I have the attached so far;

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

For those who think ianbu, what items would you ask for after looking at the list of clothes I already have?

This will be my first baby and I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery as I’ll probably have a chest of drawers for clothes storage.

Thank you! :)

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts
OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 04/09/2019 21:40

@Heartburn888 It is partly because we have a boy but I reckon DS wees all over himself at least every other change. He also saves some of his most spectacular nappies for the middle of the night and they often go everywhere. It is amazing how much mess they can create!

TerribleCustomerCervix · 04/09/2019 21:41

You definitely need more sleepsuits/onesies.

In the nicest way possible, that is quite an obvious First Baby list of clothes- it’s just not very practical. Once they’ve actually arrived I don’t know how many people have the motivation to put a denim jacket on a newborn over a full outfit, rather than just layering vests and onesies. Sleepsuits aren’t pyjamas for newborns, you don’t need outfits for them when they’re that small (even if they’re cute as fuuuuuck!)

laweaselNW · 04/09/2019 21:42

The whole concept of a baby shower is utterly vulgar.

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:42

Well I have counted the newborn and 0-3 together as I didn’t really think there would be much difference in the sizing or the time in which he would outgrow the newborn stuff but I’ll have another look.

Didn’t realise mumsnet was anti baby shower, didn’t know anti baby shower was actually a thing. I have just booked to go for a meal for mine, people don’t have to attend it is their choice and I wouldn’t be offended or upset if they arrive without a gift but as it will be majority family attending realistically I know they will bring a gift but it’s nice to see everyone before I have the baby.

The clothes I have at the minute I was gifted for free from a lovely lady on Facebook and the denim jacket was in there, so are we saying that’s a no no? There is a yellow puffer jacket and a white soft jacket which is cute and probably more practical.

I have gone through the clothes tonight and sectioned off the ones I am going to give away to another mum/mum to be.

OP posts:
Taswama · 04/09/2019 21:42

I think if people ask for ideas it’s fine to say, some sleep suits would be great. But if you get loads of newborn then most high street shops (boots, mothercare) will swap for a different size if it still has tags on.
I had to swap some of my newborn items when ds2 was born early.
Sleepsuits is fine for the first 6 months. Outfits are pointless until they can at least sit up.

Brittany2019 · 04/09/2019 21:42

Sorry, «loungewear» for babies is really making me laugh more than it should. Grin

tweebookworm · 04/09/2019 21:42

@kathrynwithak so exchanging an unwated gift on the sly is better then just being honest and saying what you want or need?

Supersimkin · 04/09/2019 21:43

People, people... stop being unkind to the OP. It's her first baby!

thundercats192 · 04/09/2019 21:43

YABU, ifs grabby to ask and it totally takes the joy out of gift giving to be told what to give.

Also, as pp have already commented, a denim jacket for w newborn?! Honestly, you are just going to need vests and babygros. Anything else on a tiny baby is so much faff when you're changing them so much (so many nappy changes per day at that age, and they may leak). So either stock up on newborn and 0-3 babygros yourself or if people actually ask you what you'd like, then tell them, but otherwise let them give you whatever they choose to.

Whatsername7 · 04/09/2019 21:43

Nothing wrong with having a baby shower, MN hates them but they are becoming increasingly common. I didn't have one but have been to several. Please feed and water your guests but make no demands of them. People will bring a gift if they want to but no gift lists. I tend to ask anyway.

Ohmygoodnessreally · 04/09/2019 21:43

Oh OP. Your list made me chuckle.

Buy multipacks of vests and sleepsuits, anything they wear will have poo and sick all over it, and they grow out of stuff so fast. Putting babies in outfits and jeans? You may do it once for a photo... then they’ll crap on it. Then you’ll get the sleepsuits back on.

This, a million times this!! 😂

My baby has gone through seven sleepsuits today already, the pooing is off the scale 🙈

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/09/2019 21:44

@Heartburn888 - I honestly wouldn’t worry about people thinking you haven’t put an outfit to good use. I’m sure most people know how fast a baby grows, and that, with the best will in the world, they may not get to wear some outfits very often. They certainly grow out of things waaaay before they wear them out, as babies!

That is why the NCT Nearly New sales are such great sources of near-perfect condition baby clothes, but it becomes much harder to find good quality second hand clothes once they become toddlers/pre-schoolers/primary age, when they become very hard on their clothes!

tweebookworm · 04/09/2019 21:44

This really makes me glad of being asian and the standered default gift being cash lol much less complicated and no waste

Jamhandprints · 04/09/2019 21:45

Are you American, OP? What's with the pants? We say trousers. If you're in America baby showers are a much more established thing with their own etiquette.
Babies don't really have "lounge wear" and jackets.They mostly wear baby grows and maybe cardigans for the first 6 months.

FabLaura · 04/09/2019 21:45

Baby showers are so naff and to ask for certain presents 🙄

Pollywollydolly · 04/09/2019 21:47

My grandson, born a few weeks ago didn't fit into any of his newborn clothes, he was straight into 0-3 months, so you will need a fair few of those.

Before my DDIL's baby shower, a lot of the guests asked what she would like, so you may get asked.

Anything you don't have is easily bought when the baby is born. I had to get practically everything in just four days.

HJWT · 04/09/2019 21:48

@Jamhandprints Actually I am english (up north) and say pants' my nan says trousers though 🤣 loungewear is a new thing, I think it means jogging bottoms and jumpers.

NorthernSpirit · 04/09/2019 21:51

Baby shower = grabby

Expecting attendees to bring gifts = grabby

Sending a gift list = even grabbier

feelingverylazytoday · 04/09/2019 21:51

I have just booked to go for a meal for mine
I thought you weren't supposed to organise your own baby shower?
You need baby gros and the vests that have poppers under the legs. A few cardigans are useful if it's winter. I wouldn't bother about actual clothes, people love buying proper outfits for new born babies.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/09/2019 21:51

Only been to one and before I went shopping I was happy to ask what was needed. I got a few things off the list and added some nice things and some posh baby bath etc. I would only share a list if people ask what you need.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2019 21:52

Well I have counted the newborn and 0-3 together as I didn’t really think there would be much difference in the sizing or the time in which he would outgrow the newborn stuff but I’ll have another look
Newborn is up to 10lbs, and 0-3 is 24lb, those 4 lbs make a lot of difference. I'd def make sure you've got a handful in both sizes as your new say7lb baby will get lost in 0-3.
So just see what you get, delabel and use as you need and you can probably swap them for larger sizes if you keep the labels on

pinkstar01 · 04/09/2019 21:52

Oh God, so do you all blast people for having wedding registeries too? It's the same thing, a new family with a baby on the way won't have any of the stuff they need so why not help them out if you consider yourself a friend? I really don't get the hate for baby showers at all.

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:54

Ha ha by lounge wear I mean just lounging about the house clothes 😂😂 matching set from Asda or something? No I’m not American haha

I’m not offended by anyone’s comments on here, I don’t think I’m unreasonable for having a baby shower at all but each to their own I suppose!

Ok so more grows and vests are needed!

This is another concern , that the clothes I have won’t fit and I’ll be panic buying a few weeks before Xmas (due 1st dec) I am moving house and my partner has two boys that we will need to start buying Xmas gifts for and one of his sons birthday is just before Xmas so just trying to be smart with money this year.

OP posts:
tweebookworm · 04/09/2019 21:56

Surely one baby shower with a gift makes more sense then friends and family popping over all month long the first month with a gift that is no longer needed as any responsible person will make sure the first 6 months are taken care of. The mother will be tired after child birth and the last thing that is wanted is constant visitors

zxcvhjkl · 04/09/2019 21:57

Did anyone else read lounge wear and think lounge suit and then have all sorts of images of a baby dressed like this?

Just me? OK then.. Blush

OP, personally I find the whole concept of baby showers grabby. So I wouldn't ask for gifts but simply accept graciously what you are gifted and exchange what is not needed.

You don't need denim for a new born. Baby grows, vests and blankets and the like. And no 70s lounge wear suits Wink

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts
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