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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

197 replies

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:19

Hi everyone

I have just been going through my baby clothes I have already, my baby shower is next month and I have the attached so far;

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

For those who think ianbu, what items would you ask for after looking at the list of clothes I already have?

This will be my first baby and I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery as I’ll probably have a chest of drawers for clothes storage.

Thank you! :)

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts
OP posts:
Silentnight87 · 05/09/2019 08:40

Personally I think it's fine to be specific. It's also fine to have a shower, I got to see friends and family I haven't seen for a while.

People would bring things anyway so it's fine to say what you want or need. Waste not want not. I struggled with the idea of having one as I felt it was grabby. But having been to a few, I knew it would be better to have things that I want rather than lots that I don't want or need. Asian families tend to buy everything and anything. I try to be environmentally aware as possible and I saw a lot of waste and lots of plastic.. So I made a list. Didn'tgo all to plan though. I ended up with about 15 rattles,5 sets of towels and ten blankets. Lots of clothes for all one size. About twenty dresses for the next size up. Two drawer full sizes of baby toiletries- none of which we can use as she has sensitive skin. I put a list out for specific things I needed and my friends stuck to it.. unfortunately my Asian family don't know how a gift list works and just did they're own thing. I even ended up with two slings as they didn't check what had been bought allready and neither did they check off what they had brought. 😆

Put down what you need specifically, people will want to buy you things anyway or they can contribute to something bigger. Just write on the invite something along the lines of this... "Your presence is all we require for this occasion, however if you would like to give a gift we would appreciate contributions towards our buggy/crib fund".

We have to do a religious deal when she turns one. I was so fed up with half the tat I got from family (I know it sounds ungrateful- but it was- it all ended up in a charity shop) that I'm writing on the invites that all gifts will be donated charity. Mil won't like it, but she bought half the tat... That and she gave me off date food that I know was lying around her kitchen, and chocolates that I know had been gifted to her (I'm talking like 4/5 packs)- as they don't "buy things" before baby is born. But that's another story.Grin

But everyone's situation is different. Do what feels right for you. People can be very judgy on MN. It's easy when your behind a keyboard.

TartanCurtains1 · 05/09/2019 08:43

@Heartburn888 you said about stocking up on babygrows - do have a look in your local charity shops, I've got loads from them and the quality is always great as babies are in them for so little time before they outgrow them. Many baby/child items still new with tags on. And super cheap! One local to me does 4 items for a quid. Just give them a wash of course. We''re completely stocked up with hand me downs/charity shop stuff, which would have been a fortune new!

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 05/09/2019 08:43

Yeah I know what you mean, I’m not bothered about people calling me grabby or whatever it’s their opinions and if they don’t like baby showers then it doesn’t impact on my life so why should I be bothered? But that’s no offence to anyone who doesn’t - each to their own I say. I do find mumsnet hard sometimes though I often think should I post as threads can turn so easily at times!

I’m off to the midwife this morning think I’m having a measure so I’ll be popping into Morrison’s on my way to work and grab a pack of sleep suits and start stock piling!

Thank you everyone for your advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartburn888 · 05/09/2019 08:44

Thanks tartan that’s a great idea, there is a mum2mum market near me soon so I’ll be heading down there too! Most of the clothes there are nearly new/new if not packaged still so why spend more than I need to and if it helps another mother out then happy days! Smiles all round

OP posts:
MissB83 · 05/09/2019 08:48

OP, I know it's not really clothes (although you do wear them!) but have you got/ thought of some sleeping bags for little one? I would get a mix of sizes and quite warm ones as we are just going into cold weather. The Tuppence and crumble blanket is also amazing for a new born!

coffeeforone · 05/09/2019 08:52

YABU to ask. But note you do need a lot more babygrows and vests IMO.

Lucylou321 · 05/09/2019 09:19

I had loads of little outfits bought for my DD all sizes from newborn up and I hate wasting things so she wore everything. The only thing I didn't put her in until she was older was jeans as they are very rigid and uncomfortable looking. Outfits that do up at the back are a pain but other than that I had no issues using top and leggings sets from newborn so despite everyone telling you your baby must wear sleepsuits only, it's really not the case. You can get perfectly nice soft outfits and it's up to you what you want your baby in. I personally see sleepsuits as being for bed.

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 05/09/2019 09:42

I've only been to a few baby showers. One very small one which was only 4 of us, we asked her what she wanted and bought it together - makes much more sense to me and isn't wasteful. We organised the (high tea at home) shower as well, so it all made sense. I find the huffing about gifts a bit funny but think it probably depends on size of shower and how well you know each other.

When i had my baby i was given lots of gifts when he was born, clothes and toys mainly, and i loved them and the feeling of being loved/it being a special time. This included parcels of second hand stuff. Plus people know me well enough to get my taste. Isn't that the point of a gift? To make recipients feel loved? If it can be useful too, even better.

I would ask one of your main guests to let people know the age range you need - if you know many eco people they will prefer this.

Russell19 · 05/09/2019 09:46

More newborn and 0-3 sleepsuits. If I was you I wouldn't ask but I'd wait until after the baby shower to buy anything else, you will probably get some sleep suits.

I'm the most grateful person ever and wouldn't ask for things but.... I had loads of next outfits from people all very similar and I took them to next with no receipt and asked to exchange for what I needed. They are good like that in next. Bare this in mind. People who gave me the clothes would rather me have swapped them that not use but I did feel awful doing this.

NiceAnd · 05/09/2019 09:52

OP, I like your vibe 😁. I hope you have a fab baby shower. I think it's nice to have a get together before a baby is born. When I had kids it was normal for people to turn up to see the baby with a present so all baby showers have done is meant people get the present a bit earlier. That seems sensible to me especially when it means that you have a get together with friends and family at the same time.

IsobelRae23 · 05/09/2019 09:53

Vests and sleep suits, and a snowsuit - that’s all you need. Jeans, jackets, jumpers, t-shirts etc, are soooo uncomfortable for the little babes. Plus you’ll realise the faff they course when you are trying to change a runny dirty nappy,

LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/09/2019 10:09

I'm surprised so many people recommend sleepsuits all the time - I found all those poppers a right faff, and he lived in vests (long or short sleeve depending on temperature) and footed trousers instead, because I found it easier.

MissB83 · 05/09/2019 10:36

They are expensive but Wondersuits are amazing - they have zips not poppers!!!

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 05/09/2019 12:25

Sainsbury’s also do zipped sleepsuits 😊

CottonSock · 05/09/2019 12:31

On the feet is a babygrow. You dont need socks or booties. You will needs lots and mine ended up with dozens of bibs. Second hand bundles are the way to go.

Doggyness · 05/09/2019 12:38

When I organised my bffs baby shower, she gave me a list of a items she needed/wanted. I sent the list round to the guests and said if anyone wants to buy something from this list please let me know and then I'll take if off the list so we don't get duplicates.
Some was specific ie certain make of baby change mat/nappy bag etc etc and then left some of it open ended though - so baby clothes 1-3years etc rather than specific items.

No-one minded at all.

MissB83 · 05/09/2019 12:38

@CoffeeNeeded2019 no way!! I never saw them! I hate poppers, if I never see one again it will be too soon.

Iwantacookie · 05/09/2019 12:50

I dont know I think it would be useful to have a gift list. I hate trying to buy something when I have no idea what they already have.
I see what you mean about it looking grabby though.
Cant you tell the person hosting the things you need then they can coordinate with everyone else?

CourtneyB123 · 05/09/2019 13:06

I personally wouldn't ask for specific items, but you'll be amazed what people get, you'll end up with things you do actually need and people usually buy a range of different sizes, yeah you might get something you dont particularly like/need but you'll make good use out of anything you'll receive, as others have said you'll be amazed how much you go through especially newborn stage!

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 05/09/2019 13:14

@CoffeeNeeded2019

Them sleep suits are flipping awesome! Thanks for sharing x

OP posts:
Since2016 · 05/09/2019 13:27

Yes yabu (seeing as you asked). And I’d reiterate the things other posters said. Posh sleepsuits for occasions. Not outfits - it’s so tacky on tiny babies.

All babies are different. My first was massive but never ever sick. So straight into 0-3. I ‘ran out’ of clothes around 6-9 months so if people ask re sizes or you’re stockpiling go bigger. People love buying tiny clothes! Second one was small, drowned in newborn and is sick a reasonable amount so lots of changes!

Sleeping bags 👌🏻, sleepsuits with built in scratch mitts and a sling.

And I had a baby shower for baby no 1.

SinkGirl · 05/09/2019 14:02

If you want something really cute for outfits, have a look at the bright Scandi stuff like Polarn O Pyret, Maxomorra etc. The crossover vests are so useful for small babies, and the zipper sleepsuits are so easy to get on and off (I have twins and despised poppers by the time they were a few months old!)

Chamomileteaplease · 05/09/2019 14:16

Stuff like denim jackets, that outfit you showed a photo of and things like that are really cruel IMO. Really you need to be thinking about comfort and softness for your baby, not stiff, heavy items. Best of luck.

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