Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts

197 replies

Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 21:19

Hi everyone

I have just been going through my baby clothes I have already, my baby shower is next month and I have the attached so far;

Aibu to ask for specific items of clothing as gifts from the guests or would this be considered as grabby? Should I just wait and see what I am gifted?

For those who think ianbu, what items would you ask for after looking at the list of clothes I already have?

This will be my first baby and I don’t want to buy/ be gifted double than what I need as i wont have a lot of space in my nursery as I’ll probably have a chest of drawers for clothes storage.

Thank you! :)

To ask guests for specific items for baby shower gifts
OP posts:
Skinnychip · 04/09/2019 22:15

I didnt have, nor have been invited to a baby shower so no idea what the done thing is.
I was given an age 0-3 rain mac (among other things) from some work colleagues (I'm presuming not chosen by anyone who had kids) Needless to say it was taken to the charity shop, labelled still attached several years later!

Anyat212 · 04/09/2019 22:16

@Pippa12 I agree with you I'm from the NE and baby showers are very common here. I've attended others (and had my own) I've enjoyed them! I'm the worst person in the world

OP definitely more sleepsuits! I like Tu / Next and you can buy second hand from DePop or eBay too. You will be amazed how much newborns poo especially those runny ones which RUIN everything. I say this with a 5 month old LG I bought outfits including jeans 🤷🏻‍♀️ before she was born like you.. trust me she never wore them and I wouldn't even put them on her now! Comfy clothes are best and easily changeable clothes are even better. Dungaree style clothes are better than jeans for being 'smart' IMO - they have them poppers which makes it so much easier.

TheRebelAlliance · 04/09/2019 22:16

Don't people just give a token gift at a baby shower- small toiletry item for example?

bananasaidso · 04/09/2019 22:17

That's a cute outfit @Heart but in my experience babies do explosive poos in any nice outfit you put on them. They have a very precise timing for that.

Italiangreyhound · 04/09/2019 22:17

I'd much rather buy you what you want rather than random items that may be of no use.

Bouffalant · 04/09/2019 22:19

I thought even in America someone threw the shower for you in their home and hosted it.

Since when do people arrange their own in restaurants? Are you paying for the meals for the guests?

Sorry, it just sounds so crass and grabby.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2019 22:25

Yabu. Baby showers dont happen in real life just in films eh??

OP don't be out off by the MN hate for babyshowrrs. You've invited people, they have a choice, it's an invitation not a summons, enjoy.

Original poster
Heartburn888 · 04/09/2019 22:26

No the guests would be paying for their own meal, but there is no obligation to attend or bring a gift. Yes I have organised my own simply because I wanted to.

I have got the majority of things for my baby second hand I have bought maybe a handful of things new and that’s a couple of baby grows. We have something called a mum2mum market that’s held in school halls or churches and there’s loads of clothes/baby items for bargain prices. I think I have got everything I need for maybe under £500 and I think that is pretty good going 👍 I have been lucky as my sisters were selling some things at the market and I managed to swoop in and get the basics I needed plus a few other bits for little over £100

OP posts:
SleepIsForTheWeeak · 04/09/2019 22:27

It was grabby before you even mentioned specifting what you NEED.

Just buy a load of baby grows and vests for the first couple of months easy and practical. That's pretty much all mine wore at first.

You need 0-3 too, my second child was only 8lb 3 but got about a week out of newborn stuff.

"Occasion wear" "lounge wear" Grin? ... It's a baby not a doll you're having! You'll read all this back in about a years time and laugh!

MissB83 · 04/09/2019 22:28

Also giggling at the baby in loungewear!

I did enjoy trying to match DS in colours but he basically just wore either vest and sleepsuit, or an all in one suit without feet, or very soft trousers and a cardi with a vest. Softer the better. Tesco and Sainsbury's own brand baby clothes are great value, I got loads of them. Within a few weeks they will be covered in poo stains which are impossible to get out, and you will make lots of changes of clothes (we maxed out at 9 changes one day although tbf it was a combo of reflux and explosive poos!). Also agree that you need a mix of newborn and 0-3 size as you don't know how big baby will be; mine was unexpectedly tiny and he was in newborn for at least 4-5 weeks.

WhyBirdStop · 04/09/2019 22:29

I'm not going to comment on your shower because I have nothing positive to say. To answer your question, no you shouldn't ask for specific gifts, it's impolite.

Also FWIW my nine month old was wearing 3-6 clothing today and he's not especially small.
If you prefer separates to babygrows all the time, leggings are lovely for boys or girls and are nice and soft, wait until they're toddling around for jeans etc. DS does have a pair of soft denim shorts and dungarees that MIL bought but he's crawling, climbing and cruising now. I bought some beautiful all in one fine knitted romper type things and they were worn once or twice, the early months, babygrows are your friend, especially ones that button or zip all the way up, not over the head ones or the weird French ones that flap at the back. You cannot over estimate how often you change a newborn's nappy. Mine wasn't even a sicky one DN was, SIL was forever changing him, you want it to be easy.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 04/09/2019 22:31

I thought even in America someone threw the shower for you in their home and hosted it.

Yup- there’s a huge amount of etiquette around the hosting and organisation for US showers. UK showers don’t have this, so it’s usually a hodgepodge of what people have seen on tv and sometimes it can be forgotten that it’s not common in British culture to be upfront in asking for gifts. Some people don’t mind but it’s so controversial 😂

WhyBirdStop · 04/09/2019 22:32

Also don't worry about not having everything, I'm 5'9 DH. is 6'4, we bought a few newborn bits and more 0-3 expecting a big baby, we had to go out and get tiny baby things! Tesco and Sainsbury's stuff is actually lovely for the early days and washes well and there is usually a 24 hour one fairly close by. Later on we moved on to H&M , Next, M&S, JoJo, frugi etc because DS seems to stay in one size for a fair while and they wash and last (and sell on) well.

BakewellGin1 · 04/09/2019 22:33

Asda sell multipacks... as a rough guide think I had the following in both Newborn and 0-3 before baby arrived so I had the basics

12 plain white vests
12 sleepsuits
4 Cardigans
1 Coat
2 Pramsuits

Then things such as hats, mittens etc for a winter baby

Those who asked what we would like I suggested gift vouchers for places like Next then I went once baby had arrived for a few practical comfortable outfits in the sizes I knew would fit.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 04/09/2019 22:33

I wouldn't ask, it's rude. But you definitely need to buy some more sleepsuits! Get a bundle of 2nd hand ones or head to a charity shop. You will need loads more than you think!

dontcallmeduck · 04/09/2019 22:33

I think it’s ok to do a gift list but half those things you won’t need. Newborns don’t wear jumpers etc as they’re just too faffy and they grow out of them within about 3 weeks and go to 0-3.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 04/09/2019 22:34

Also a couple of hats for going out

justasking111 · 04/09/2019 22:34

My DIL took a few things back with tags on and explained the circumstances the shops were happy to exchange. So no do not put out a list unless it is close family who may ask.

Marnie76 · 04/09/2019 22:35

Babies need to be comfy not dressed up. Do you feel comfy in jeans or joggers?

cannycat20 · 04/09/2019 22:38

I'm intrigued by the babies you've encountered who never poo, vomit, wee or generally need changing...I don't have my own kids, but nephews, nieces, kids of friends, pretty much all needed changing a LOT when they were very little! And pretty much every parent I knew would say you can never have too many babygros when they're very little.

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole baby shower concept, it seems to be another American import to me, like proms and nursery graduation ceremonies, so I'm wondering how I would feel if I was invited to one and presented with a list of clothes the new mum would like...I've given gifts when baby arrived, or as others say, chipped in for larger presents, but not before.

Hope you enjoy it, anyway, and good luck with baby.

tweebookworm · 04/09/2019 22:42

@cannycat20 surely as a parent if you buy 30-40 baby grows one would admit that is enough and you can then say thank you we have enough

ivfbabymomma1 · 04/09/2019 22:45

The person who organised my shower asked me if there was any bits I needed incase anyone asked her what to buy, Obviously I didn’t expect anything at all! But if anyone did want to buy anything, it’s best they don’t waste their money on something that won’t be used!

nokidshere · 04/09/2019 22:50

Gosh, I don't know about the baby shower, I have no feelings on them really. But my children lived in baby grows for the first 6 months and longer after that if we were staying home. I hate seeing babies all,dressed up in 'proper' clothes

Derbee · 04/09/2019 22:50

I think a baby shower where someone hosts, and everyone is expected to sit around a shower you with presents in weird and grabby.

I think your type of shower, where you all go for a meal, is a lovely idea. I think you’re right not to publish a guest list though!

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/09/2019 22:58

I wouldn’t put a baby in anything other than babygros and cardigans till around 9 months.

Swipe left for the next trending thread