MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

[Sofin]

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

I've come to terms with this

Why? Your DH should have redistributed his plate equitably with yours and should go this ostentatiously each and every time, pointing out the discrepancy to MIL: "Whoops, you forgot to give Sofin enough chips".

Or invite her to dinner instead. Lovely steak sandwich for you and DH, cottage cheese & celery stick (half) for her. Chocolate fondant for pudding for you and DH, low-fat yoghurt (half) for her. But prettified, single clementine wedge balanced on top & a single, tiny mint leaf. Really rub in the effort you're going to to starve her as she does you.

Or get a pizza delivered mid-meal at hers.

Yeah u should just ask for more when it's being dished out
She maybe thinks u need to watch your weight and that's her way of hinting
I would just make her aware you need more food and if she doesn't accommodate then u can be a bit cheeky and make a sandwich straight after dinner or order a take away

My MIL is the opposite. She gives me double what she gives my husband. She knows I have a hearty appetite. It's ridiculous that you're hungry after her meals.

Some posters on here She had 7 to 8 chips! You should definitely have told your dh to put some food on your plate. Ensure next time you go he shares!

Didn't your DH say anything? I'd be so cross with him if he sat there and scoffed the lot while you I was left to starve. He should have scraped some of his food onto your plate telling his DM that you get hungry too.

The men in our family do tend to have bigger appetites than the women so this is something both my Mum & MIL would do, although we tend to have a help yourself system.

Did MIL have a similar size portion to you? Why did you feel embarrassed?

Take half the food from your husband's plate, every time, very obviously. When she's at yours, give her tiny portions.

A 20% difference in portion size is justifiable and wouldn't look like a huge amount more, but 300% more towering on the plate while you get a scant portion is unreasonable. (Assuming normal range of sizing and lifestyles, and that he's not a 5'4 sedentary ectomorph, and you're not a 6' body builder which would really be out of line with average needs)

Clearly and politely ask DH for the food on his plate as there seems to be an error with the portion size.

Yes men need a slight amount of calories more but starving a pregnant woman who’s been at work is awful.

If you’re going to give people servings according to what they ‘need’, you’re going to have to factor in excess weight, activity levels etc as well as sex, and the logical conclusion would be, for MY Mil, something like ‘Here’s a huge portion for you, big, triathlon-running Colin, and a single salad leaf for your porky, sedentary wife who never gets off the sofa!’

It's totally irrelevant that men need more calories than women. If I have guests in my home and I've cooked them dinner then I dish them all up similar portions.
Really? You'd give the same portion to an 18 stone rugby player as a nine stone non athlete woman, for example? Of course it has some relevance.

You know she does this so before she serves the food you need to tell her that you’re hungry and would like the same amount as DH. If she ignores you then swap plates with your H in front of her.

It's totally irrelevant that men need more calories than women. If I have guests in my home and I've cooked them dinner then I dish them all up similar portions.

Yup. Men may need more calories over all, but that's entirely doable in the other two meals of the day, not a family meal, and NOT 3x more on a man's plate.

My mum sort of does this. I've been overweight (but then she has an eating disorder), and I've lost 5st. They live in a National Park, and we've always done huge mountain walks during the day.

But I get 'child who sat on arse all day' portions. I've lost 5st, fgs, I clearly know how to manage my diet and exercise regime correctly by now!

The polite thing to do is to give everyone roughly the same and then give more to those who are still hungry. Serve medium sized portions to everyone. If your 18 stone rugby playing son is still hungry, he’s a big enough boy to say so. And cook enough to satisfy everyone, don’t give your son your DIL’s calories.

When my MIL used to do that first i seethed quietly, then went to get more food afterwards and then trained my husband to give me stuff from his plate quite blatantly

Have you told your dh? If not you need to if she sees him giving you some of his she might give you more next time.

Men do need more food

Why don’t you just immediately swap the plates? “I’m eating for two”. Then when your breastfeeding - if you do - you’ll still be eating for two. Post partum you’ll be needing to recover.

Everyone is bu including you by not addressing this situation.

Where are all the competitive undereaters who usually chime in with "Oooooh 7 or 8 whole chips? There's no way I could have eaten that much! 7 or 8 chips would keep me going for a month. You're such a glutton, OP."

I hate people who do penis portions. My granny was dreadful for this, more for my younger brother as he was a "growing lad" aged 11, while at 13 I was a foot taller and twice as ravenous.

Obviously the average man and woman do need a different calorie intake but that is based over the whole day, not one meal. It also depends on activity levels. I think it’s rude not to check what size portion people want if they are not serving themselves.

Could you ask your DH to swop plates?

I think this grates because it is not really based on calorie needs but gives out the message that men are more important than women.

My MIL does this, she once did it when I was weaning DS so sharing my portion with him, they had an unexpected guest so the portion size was more minute than usual, most of it was fed to DS as I couldn't exactly let him starve. DH ended up taking me out to the local cafe as I was so hungry ( I was still breastfeeding too!). She doesn't do it as much now although to be fair mostly we've eaten out in her company.

Men do need more food

Bit of a sweeping statement that.

Gestating and breastfeeding women need more food. Women running around after small children need more food. Op falls into two of those categories.

My fil is shorter than me and in his 80’s. He most certainly does not need more food than me. Less actually.

My DM does this.
I deliberately put dishes on a lazy sussan and everybody helps themselves.
She has started to do this as well.

I am so glad my MIL lets peoole serve themselves. Its much better than trying to guess how much everyone might want.

My mam roughly gives everyone the same and keeps some back as seconds for anyone still hungry. Specifically my tiny teenage nephew who seems to have hollow legs. And if anyone has anything left on their plate that I fancy, I’ll have it on mine thanks very much.
I’d not be happy with my hubby that he doesn’t redistribute his food so you have an even share, and ensure his mother knows this.