MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

[Sofin]

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

grin just read your post, lol.

Great minds and full bellies

@MyDcAreMarvel Eatright.org sats this «The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant”. Besides, your comment is really offensive. So Dh’s extra calories will all have to come during dinner will they? DH and DD had beans and egg on toast for lunch yesterday. I had only brought a the small tub of Tesco falafels to work with me. DH also had a sausage roll an hour before dinner. Plus, he went back to MIL’s later on to play games and was given a plate of lemon tart. I had a yogurt after I came home! You don’t know what’s going on in our house! DH eats way more than me most days. In work he snacks on chocolate biscuits all day, in addition to his lunch. So when I’m still hungry after MIL’s tea, should I just think to myself “well, I’m a woman after all, I can’t have more food, whereas a man can make sure he’s full”?!

I cannot believe the number of people on here arguing about the fact that men need more calories!
Unless the OP's mother is a biologist or PT, I don't believe for a second that she's doing this to account for men needing more calories!
It's mysoginistic and crap.
Call her out on it EVERY SINGLE TIME!

If I had guests I would put food in serving dishes and everyone gets what they want.

For family I do dish up according to appetite. DS2(21) is 6'4 and gets roughly double what DH gets. I have always eaten much more than DH so I get the somewhere in between. We are all very slim and have metabolisms that mean we can eat as much as we like without putting on weight so it's not what we need more what we want.
I have SIL who eats like a sparrow and doesn't enjoy food. She never cooks enough. There will be one small potato each, or one tiny bread roll. My DC have learned to eat what ever is offered or they will be hungry there.

My MIL used to do this. She eats very little as does SIL so assumed I did the same (has been known to cut a small cupcake into 4 to share ). DH had a word and now she gives me much more and asks if I'd like seconds.

That may well be deydododatdodontdeydo but I serve my two daughters the same sized dinner as my three sons (all late teens/young adults) and my girls have no weight issues.

Of course, because there a lot of factors, including activity and metabolics, and as you say, you don't get all your calories from meals and can top up with snacks if needed.

How is it obvious that the MIL doesn't care about the OP, FrenchBoule? you sound rather tightly wound, to say the least.

MIL has cooked and served the OP a meal and presumably they have a reasonably close/loving relationship, the OP simply finds it irritating that the MIL serves the men more food than her. There's no need for passive aggression and the suggestions of ordering a take away etc, what sort of arsehole would do that?

I think it's probably just something that needs to be mentioned OP either by you or your DH. It can be light-hearted. Just something like

'hey mum, I think OP needs a bit more food! She is growing a baby/has been at work after all! Here's some of my chips'

Or

'MIL I'm ravenous today - I'll take the biggest portion going please!'

It doesn't have to be a battle!

I wouldn't give men bigger portions of the 'protein stuff' like meat or fish or whatever, but I'd certainly pile more potatoes and veg on their plates, because they usually eat twice as much of that.

Men are bigger and stronge. Bigger and stronger requires more fuel. There are physical differences between males and females and we do women no favours by minimising them. Before you all jump on me, I'm coming at this from the POV of the threat to women's sports at the moment, with people claiming that those who went through male puberty have no physical advantage over women.

...but having said that, there's no way I'd accept a tiny plate of food and leave hungry

Does anyone else really want pie, chips and gravy now?

🙄

sorry, posted too soon. Meant to say you’ve started me thinking about it. 😂

So deydododatdodontdeydo we can all agree then that OP is NBU

Eatright.org sats this «The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
That’s a random American site not the nhs.
No I don’t think all your dh extra calories needs to come from dinner ,as indeed it did not.

I'd be pretty concerned if my dh thought this was normal or didn't notice.

I don’t think the issue is that your MIL gave your DH more food but the issue is that she gave you so little!

Yes, this. The OPs portion sounded tiny but generally men need more calories than women. My DH never seems to realise this and puts loads on my plate. I end up passing some back.

Men might need more calories on average but this is one meal of the day. I'm an underweight woman with a male dp of average weight. I think I do need more calories than him as I'm trying to gain weight...but how and when I choose to consume those calories is my concern. My mil does the man portions too. I make a point of taking some from dp's plate (he usually offers) or getting second helpings.

@Cherryblossomtrees You’re right, as is everyone else who says I should have said something. But I kept thinking it was a subtle way for MIL to tell me I need to watch my weight. I’m not overweight, but I have a noticeable baby bump and MIL always comments on how big it is, which upsets me. She says that nobody could see she was pregnant until she was seven months along.. But when I asked my mum she said that all women in our family get big bumps early! We don’t have any overweight women in our family, but pregnancies are always clearly visible very early, which apparently isn’t the case in DH’s family. So, yeah, fear of her thinking I’d gained too much belly weight stopped me from saying anything.

And even if a woman weighs more than a man because she eats bigger portions than him, he will have greater strength due to sex specific muscalature. Generally speaking.

Yes, agree.

I just can’t believe your DH didn’t notice. If the difference was as big as you say it was then he could not fail to notice. That makes him an absolute cock as a normal person would shovel extra from his plate onto yours in those circumstances.

So will she continue to give you smal portions if you were breastfeeding?

I would stop going.

My family have always given bigger portions to men (as have dp's family) so this is also what dp and I do. None of us have ever complained of being hungry at the end of the meal. I've never even thought this could be an issue!

@Sofin I loved having a big bump when I was pregnant! Be proud of that baby you're carrying and nurturing and don't worry at all about what your MIL might be thinking. She sounds a bit nuts to be honest!! I ate loads when I was 20 weeks. If you're hungry, eat!

I prefer to put food in serving bowls for people to help themselves. I always cook plenty, and pick recipes where leftovers can be frozen, usually with a future meal already in mind. Seems to work, I won't have people leave my home hungry.

MIL once did this to me, DH also claimed he didn't notice. To her horror we went out for the evening and then drunkenly (and loudly)ate fish and chips in the garden. She still does it a bit but DH always evens it up now.