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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

459 replies

Sofin · 02/09/2019 08:13

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

OP posts:
plunkplunkfizz · 02/09/2019 08:14

Ah, penis portions. Ludicrous.

Bubsworth · 02/09/2019 08:14

Yanbu I'd have eaten mine then joined DH's with his

JulietTango · 02/09/2019 08:15

Why didn't you redistribute your DH food if he had that much more than you?

53rdWay · 02/09/2019 08:17

What did he do? Just “Thanks Mum!” and tucked in?

lemonverbenaandthyme · 02/09/2019 08:17

I don’t mind it when my husband gets a little more than me (he runs, I don’t, and men do usually need more calories than women). But when it feels more like MIL giving her darling boy the best cuts of the cow and everyone else gets the offal, it’s very rude. My MIL actually gave my DH seconds of a meal I had cooked once.

AmayaBuzzbee · 02/09/2019 08:18

YANBU, ask DH to put some of his food on your plate, make sure MIL sees this. Also, when MIL is dishing out, ask for more before all food is on plates.

InDubiousBattle · 02/09/2019 08:18

My dp would have said 'here, you need more than that' and given me some of his. Did you say you were still hungry? I'd be embarrassed if someone left my house hungry!

MrsDimmond · 02/09/2019 08:18

Mil is rude to serve without asking how hungry / how much each person wants.

Your dh is thoughtless not to have shared his food with you. I would have resorted to self help.

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2019 08:18

Did he offer you some? You need to get past the idea that it's rude to ask for more if you're hungry. She's already been rude so just say politely
Is there any more? I'm so hungry today

LightDrizzle · 02/09/2019 08:19

Your DH needs to redistribute his to you, and tell her she’s given him far too much and not enough to you.
If it persists, stop going, because it’s rude.

pickingdaisies · 02/09/2019 08:19

Why didn't you grab some chips from DH? It was your perfect opportunity to make your point but in a jokey way. I think some women see what they'd eat themselves as a normal woman's size portion iyswim.

CherryPavlova · 02/09/2019 08:20

In fairness, men do need more calories particularly if they’ve been active and your more sedentary because you’re pregnant. Men need a fifth more calories, on average.

Mummyshark2019 · 02/09/2019 08:21

Stop going there to eat.

BrittleJoys · 02/09/2019 08:23

My MiL does this, too. And there are no plausible ‘different activity levels’ reasons — her daughters all have far more physically demanding jobs than their spouses (cleaner, gardener, Amazon floor worker). All raising the issue has failed, so now it’s the signal for all the women to simultaneously lean over and appropriate some of their husbands’ food, rolling their eyes.

JellyNo15 · 02/09/2019 08:23

My MIL used to do this, she must have eaten in secret because she was a very large lady. DH used to put some of his on my plate so that had equal measures. We would then get the cat's bum mouth.

snitzelvoncrumb · 02/09/2019 08:24

That would be awful, can you tell mil how you are needing a bit more to eat? Could your husband share his with you? Perhaps next time bring something with you to eat after dinner and say sorry mil but you don't give me enough !

MoggyP · 02/09/2019 08:24

"MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women"

Biologically correct

What are your views on the importance of biology in sex and gender issues in society?

EugenesAxe · 02/09/2019 08:27

My MIL used to do this, even in favour of my lovely SIL. It used to irk too.

I’d just say to your DH afterwards how it’s upset you and next time ensure he protects you by pointedly moving some to you with an “I’ve got a huge plate compared to you” comment.

Lenny1980 · 02/09/2019 08:28

As others have said, men do generally need more calories. Equal portion sizes is one of the main reasons so many women put weight on when they move in with a man.

But we’re talking 20%, not double! And good luck to anyone who leaves a pregnant woman hungry (said as someone who is currently 20 weeks).

Cheeserton · 02/09/2019 08:28

Men do on average need more calories, but your situation was clearly not OK.

Dogsarebetterthancatsok · 02/09/2019 08:29

Men do need more calories though

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2019 08:29

It's totally irrelevant that men need more calories than women. If I have guests in my home and I've cooked them dinner then I dish them all up similar portions.

MaxNormal · 02/09/2019 08:30

Men on average need more calories, but not that much more. And women need more iron.
Mostly, it's very rude to restrict your guests and leave them hungry.

Oldbutstillgotit · 02/09/2019 08:30

Why didn’t your DH give you some of his ? Did you say anything ?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 02/09/2019 08:31

My mil used to do this, once made stew and dumplings and cut a dumpling into four and have me a quarter piece.
My eyebrows very nearly lifted off my forehead and dh obviously felt the power so gave me some from his plate.
She gives me more now with a small helping of cat's bum mouth and comments about my hearty appetite.

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