MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

[Sofin]

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

In general males do need more calories than females. Surely your DH should have noticed your child sized portion and offered you some off his mountain sized meal.

You wrote a post on mumsnet becuase your husband got more chips than you?! Is this not the same argument the kids have no?

Why didn't your 'dh' give you some of us. It annoys the shit out of me. I men you don't go to a restaurant and get a different size plate if you're a woman. I always give my bloke more than me, but he has massive portions and mine is just less massive. But that's my perogative. My mil wouldn't dare give him more 😁she knows I like my food!
I went away on a boat trip on Australia oncex. It was an overnight snorkeling trip. The crew members dished up the food gave bigger portions to the men and when everyone had finished asked the men back for seconds and then asked the women if there was some left. I was seeeeeething. Someone asked why they did this and they gave the same reasoning. Men need more calories. But they didn't pay anymore for the fucking boat trip. 😡

And?
Unfortunately we no longer understand what normal portion sizes are! 7-8 chips IS a portion size. Having 3 times that is greedy and will just lead to weight gain. No wonder obesity is a huge problem in the UK, catching up with the USA.
As for being pregnant, eating for two is a complete nonsense! The baby/pregnancy requires only an additional 200 Kcal which is the equivalent of a two finger kit. Confirm this with your midwife. Less you put on now the less you have to loose.

pamhill64

Portion size depends on how hungry you are not your current weight or height male/female

I think this is common amongst women of an older generation. My Mum always seemed to be watching her weight and even smoked to keep her weight down. I actually eat more than DH. He broadcasts this, usually by telling everyone “CSM eats 2 spuds more than a pig”, so OP’s scenario is never likely to happen. If it did, I guess I would just ask DH for some of his, or wait for him to leave it & then proclaim, “Waste not want not” & help myself.

Why aren't you bothered by your disrespectful selfish husband?

I think this is a generation thing. In my mom's day the men went out to work and the women stayed home, so they men were deemed to need more fuel so to speak.
These days off course it does not work like that. Tbh i always give dh a bigger portion than me and ds1 as they both have very physical jobs and have a much bigger appetite than me, dd1 also gets a big portion as she loves her veg and is generally pretty hungry after running round after kids all day at nursery. I usually make way too much anyway so if anyone is still hungry or wants more its there. If not it gets frozen for another meal, some one will take it for lunch on the week.
Maybe try having a word with Dh and see if he can have a chat with mom and hopefully she will realise that you need as much.food as he does especially atm.

Unfortunately we no longer understand what normal portion sizes are! 7-8 chips IS a portion size. Having 3 times that is greedy and will just lead to weight gain. No wonder obesity is a huge problem in the UK, catching up with the USA.

No way is 7-8 chips a "portion size"! As for "we no longer understand what normal portion sizes are" speak for yourself. Not everyone is overweight or obese.

My late Grandmother,and my late Mum always gave then men in the family,the largest meals.I did not think about it then though,as it was the norm in lots of families, It was always said, that because the men were out at work all day, doing heavy jobs,in factories,and on the railways in my home town,that they got their meals first , and always a loaded plate.

That's despite the Mums at home, doing hard jobs,with no modern equipment, using a washtub and a mangle ha ha, digging the garden,and well,everything really.

My late Father liked his plate sky high with food, and ate too much all his life. He was always looking around the table,to see if there was any more bread and potatoes going spare. So,he was overweight,and died of a heart attack when older.

@Sofin

I don't see a problem at all. Men are MEANT to eat more than women.

What a silly thing to get upset about.

Get a grip, seriously!

I also agree with @pamhill64 people in this country eat WAY too much. Around 8-10 chips is plenty when you have other food with it. I never have more than that, on the rare occasions I have chips (maybe once every 6 weeks.) I usually have veg or salad instead of chips.

The British have become a very greedy nation. No wonder so many people are obese.

Love the ‘men need more calories!!’ Brigade.

It’s outright rude to serve your guests different amounts of food because of their gender.

@pamhill64 portion size depends on activity levels age and yes gender does come into it. That's why recommended calorie intake is different from men to women.
And if i gave my strapping ds1 and very thin ds2, dd1 and dd2 or dh 7-8 chips they'd be starving. All have physical jobs, dd1 is on the go all.the time, ds1 is doing mma style training and has a very physical job.
You cant feed someone who is muscular and works out the same as someone who sits in an office all day. Same as cant feed a 10yo same as a 6yo...mine used to come out of school everyday hungry. They all have good appetites and none of them are obese. Neither am I or dh..trick is only to eat till your full and not eat for the sake of eating.

I don't see a problem at all. Men are MEANT to eat more than women.

They aren't meant to eat three times as much. Also what they need at meal times will depend on what else they have eaten. Not unreasonable to be upset at getting a third of the amount at all.

Christ on a bike, people: she was still hungry. This isn't a question about her dietary intake and whether it's normal, it's that she was hungry in someone else's home. I'd be mortified if I left someone hungry, and this is why I always serve family style. You don't have to query being overweight just because you don't feel satisfied with 7-8 chips. I'm underweight, and some days I eat nothing at all, other days I can destroy a family meal and most of the snacks in our house. Most importantly, I would never ever give people portions based on my preferred meal size. That shows a lack of consideration that I can't quite fathom.

OP, your husband better speak up next time. Fair enough, he didn't notice, I'd take him at his word this time. If he doesn't say something next time it happens (without nudging him), I'd be taking along snacks/taking his plate from him as it's handed over. They will soon learn not to stand between a pregnant woman and her hunger. I hope you managed to get something after the yoghurt and you and the little bump are not hungry now!

I'm confused. It is only UK women's dreadful, unladylike appetites fueling the obesity crises, while all those manly men stay slim shoveling in great platefuls of grub?
Then why do I see so many fat men?

I wouldn’t get too upset about it. However a lot of things in life are far better if we are more assertive.

Why didn’t you ask MIL if you could have some more? And then DH?

If they both refused, youd be totally justified in not bothering to go around for dinner again. Or just order a pizza while you are there!

@Sparklesocks not at all saying its right to give a man more food just that in some generations its what they have always done. It's like my dh was always taught to tuck his shirts and t-shirts in as a kid and now he can't wear them any other way, that's just how he was raised.

Irrelevant whether men need more than women/pregnant women. It's very bad form for a third person to decide who gets what. My DP will put more on his plate than I will on mine - that's fair enough. But if my MIL decided how much I should eat, I'd be very annoyed. Your DH needs to step up.

Does you husband have such little awareness of what's going on it's up to him to say something really. He should have given you some off his plate at least.

I have the opposite problem, my MIL is used to only feeding boys and as a result I often feel defeated just looking at the enormous mounds of food I get served. Nine roast potatoes anyone?

On a more earnest note - food is a very emotional issue. Cuisine and cooking is central in many (most?) cultures, norms of hospitality etc. It's how we welcome people, how we show care and love.
Being deliberately given far less than you need, or inferior food, is a direct message about how much that person cares for you and values you.

supermommyof4 still don’t think that excuses rudeness. If you want to feed people, lovely - but it’s not a host’s place to decide one person should have more over the other. Fair enough if the woman asks for a small portion but it’s quite a big leap to assume they want two or three times less than their male partner because they’re a woman.

I also agree with @pamhill64 people in this country eat WAY too much. Around 8-10 chips is plenty when you have other food with it. I never have more than that, on the rare occasions I have chips (maybe once every 6 weeks.) I usually have veg or salad instead of chips

How very virtuous. Not everyone is in this country eats too much and you certainly don't know whether OP eats too much. I currently have a BMI of 19 and I am sometimes underweight and I think 7-8 chips with a meal is a pathetic amount.