MIL gives bigger plates of food to men

[Sofin]

We are often invited for dinner by MIL, about once a week. MIL has the idea that men need significantly more food than women, and DH's plate is always way bigger than mine. I've come to terms with this. But yesterday, she made pie and chips and DH literally had about three times as many chips as me and twice as much pie! I got about 7-8 chips and he had a tower of them. I felt like I was given a kids portion. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and had been working all day yesterday and was starving! DH had not been working, just been to the park for a little bit with DD. There are no extra helpings at MIL's either as she literally dishes out all the food to everyone. I was still hungry after, and honestly felt insulted and embarrassed :( AIBU?

Women need more iron than men, and anaemia is common enough in women of reproductive age here. Yet OP wasn't given a higher share of the most iron rich foods. It seems some posters are much more invested in one particular physiological difference between men and women than others.

I hate the thought of guests going hungry. I always cook way too much and put a mountain on everyone's plate. I make a point of telling people before I dish it out what you don't want leave. They often think I'm joking until it comes out. Funny enough it's rare they have room for desert.

Is apportioned even a word...?

Yes.

You are wrecked and tired, but not lacking in vocabulary.

Do you actually count your husband's roast potatoes?

Hell yes - unequal distribution of roast potatoes would be grounds for 'taking things outside' round our way!

“No tatties, Fred-Fred!”

Small prize to the first to get the reference.

My father used to do this, particularly with meat. My brothers all got much larger portions of meat than I did, though I was older. Used to annoy me very much.

By the way, Mother in law is wrong because she's not being hospitable. She's not caring for the comfort of the people who are spending time in her house.

My MIL does the exact same. Even more annoying when it comes to pudding

@BertrandRussell Jilly Cooper's venomous Valerie from Rivals

Imagine being so desperate to shoehorn anti trans sentiment into every thread that you would defend patronising, judgmental bullshit like giving your female guests less food and your male guests more.

Sad, isn't it?

I hate the thought of guests going hungry. I always cook way too much and put a mountain on everyone's plate. I make a point of telling people before I dish it out what you don't want leave. They often think I'm joking until it comes out. Funny enough it's rare they have room for desert.

And do you think this is a good way of treating guests? Why don't you just ask what people want? And they can always ask for seconds.
Are you happy if someone leaves food on their plate? Are you happy if guests get too full not to offend you, as a host?

why you would want 3 times more chips? they are bad for the health
I tend to just have bakes fish and a jacket but it's your body and if you want to gain weight and risk heart issues further down the line it's your body so it's up to you

I think this is the most magnificently pass-agg, missing-the-point post I've ever seen on MN, and that's saying something.

< applauds >

< plans chips for lunch >

I agree Lweji. Piling plates beyond what people can comfortably eat isn't being hospitable either as many people will feel obliged to eat it anyway, because presumably the food they don't eat will be thrown away as it's already been on a plate. Giving people too much food just makes them feel intimidated and uncomfortably full if they eat it all.

Far better to put a sensible amount on the plate and then put the rest out in serving bowls and make it clear that they are welcome to have seconds if they want them.

I've never understood how stuffing yourself until you feel sick is supposed to be a treaty way to enjoy food.

I think portioning/plating people's food is rude. Growing up up the food was always served in bowls/serving plates on the table to serve yourself. Luckily my mil serves the same way as well so no arguments there.

My late mother used to do the same. She ran a guest house for years and always gave men bigger portions. Furthermore, she would feed the men first. Her explanation was that, when she was growing up, the men worked down the mines and were fed first because of their physical work. Unfortunately, this didn't change when the men were at home during the day while the women were Christmas shopping, for instance. I pointed out to her also that men in the family always got a turkey leg. Every year after that we had three turkey legs at Christmas: two from the bought turkey for the lads and an extra leg for me. I could never convince her it was not about the bloody leg. :)

Why to always moan passively? Just say you are starving? She is your family.
But , it is traditional that women used to eat significantly less than men .and men DO need and can eat more to maintain their muscles. Unless you are a large woman and he is teeny tiny man. So yes the old lady is probably just following the tradition. But surely as a pregnant woman you can be excused to ask for a bit more - need to speak up!

When I came to UK I was shocked to see how much women eat here and even children load up in Toby’s carvery - same size plates as their parents. It was a huge cultural shock. I can assure you women don't eat so much on the continent. Its possible to stretch the stomach.

"I think portioning/plating people's food is rude. Growing up up the food was always served in bowls/serving plates on the table to serve yourself"

Should people without room to do this never host guests in that case?

I do the same living with 2 teenage boys and my husband. They have massive appetites and do loads of sport. I'm rarely hungry and rarely active. Could it be that your MIL doesn't realise that you have a different appetite to her? I would get your husband to make a joking remark that you would starve on that amount of food. She'll probably be mortified. To put it in context I'm terrified of over facing anyone as I hate huge portions as it looks incredibly rude when you can't eat everything. Just a different mindset but I'd honestly welcome feedback 😀

My dm does this.

Whilst men may need more calories your growing another human! She’s rude. Your hubby should ask if you have enough and share. I would stop on the way home for a burger and not order him anything if he did that to me

Interesting. When my ds and dd are both home, I serve him more than her because he has a bigger appetite, and she likes to have a smaller portion and go back for more if she wants to. We’ve always done it like that, I’d better train myself out of that before i’m a mil!

It's probably a generational thing, she just needs a word from DH to put her straight.

I also think your hormones are getting the better of you.... if you know she always does this why not stop at Macdonald's on the way home? When your DH comments you've just eaten say: no. YOU'VE just eaten, I was given a child's portion as usual and I'm starving, I've been working all day and in case you've not noticed, I'm eating for 2.

The fact is, these people are not mind readers. If you don't tell them there's an issue then they won't know, so speak up.

My BiL (medic) always maintains you need only 200 cams extra a day and that’s in the last trimester only.

I would usually expect men to eat a good bit more than women. But yes, you could’ve redistributed it once you had it. One of the many reasons I dislike people ‘plating up’ - much more polite to let people put food on their own plates.

My MIL does this. She also went a good 2 years giving our son an empty plate next to mine so I could give him food from my plate. She gives herself small portions but DP & SIL huge portions, because penis and in SILs case living with a vegetarian so, in MILs eyes, needing a good feed. She makes digs about my weight all the time and once told me to put down a double decker and pick up an apple. She's literally the only person alive I wouldn't throat punch for that!