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Original poster

To be furious about my wedding

807 replies

Itsalltoomuch19 · 30/08/2019 07:35

So got married yesterday and want to point out it was amazing day full of the people I love and care about the most. But one thing caused me hours of stress and I think I should complain.
Our venue doesn’t have an actual marriage license so you get ‘married’ in a barn and I paid £500 for a celebrant to conduct the ceremony we met with her before and told her no one knew we were getting married a fews before and the people from the venue were coming to be witnesses so as no one felt they were not left out and both sets of parents had contributed a lot to this wedding so I didn’t want them being annoyed. An hour before I arrive my DH text me to say the celebrant has told his mum that we got married last week, he mum was upset and then asked my mum if she knew. I think she wanted to find out if my mum had been invited and not her, so now both sets of parents knew and were upset. This is all before I got there so I felt so upset and stressed by it as we didn’t want this to happen and she knew that.
Even the venue were limited and said they have never had a celebrant do this before and they have 3-5 weddings every week for the last 5 years! I really want to email her stating how stressed she made me feel and caused a bit of tension on the day but my DH thinks it’s done now we just need to face our parents today and explain the reasons and leave it

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 30/08/2019 07:38

So you got married officially without either set of parents? I think I would be upset if that was one of my children!

bumbleymummy · 30/08/2019 07:38

Both your parents ‘contributed a lot’ to your wedding and you didn’t invite them?

FredaFrogspawn · 30/08/2019 07:38

The celebrant couldn’t lie to your parents. I think you need to come clean and explain that to you, THIS was your wedding. The event with all your family there. And the other ceremony was just admin.

Shoxfordian · 30/08/2019 07:38

So you got legally married somewhere else the week before? Why not just invite everyone and have your venue as a reception?

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 07:38

So your parents (both sets) paid for the wedding but didn’t know you were actually already married? If I am reading that right, that’s a pretty shocking way to behave.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/08/2019 07:39

They pick a venue you couldn't get married in?

FredaFrogspawn · 30/08/2019 07:39

Explain you didn’t want to detract from the ceremony which meant everything to you ie the barn one.

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 07:39

Congratulations, though.

Original poster
Itsalltoomuch19 · 30/08/2019 07:39

We literally did a 10 mins registry office job and was done and back in the car within 15 mins

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/08/2019 07:39

The celebrant was obviously wrong to have told anyone when you asked them not to.

However, you were deceiving your parents who've contributed a great deal to your wedding. That's odd. I appreciate you can't go back in time but it's a little bit unkind to lie that way.

And what were you going to do about your anniversary? You and your DH would be celebrating it on a different day to the one your family would be sending cards/gifts each year. Even more odd.

HeddaGarbled · 30/08/2019 07:40

Yeah, I’d leave it. It was probably an honest mistake. Secrets often get out one way or another - it was always going to be a risk. Good luck with your parents today 💐

SavoyCabbage · 30/08/2019 07:41

Did your MIL ask the celebrant a technical or legal question that she couldn’t answer without lying?

Thegracefuloctopus · 30/08/2019 07:42

I would send the email. I would be livid. That's awful. Especially after you said "don't say anything". The celebrant had no right to discuss your situation with anyone else anyway, parent or not. Congrats though op

Original poster
Itsalltoomuch19 · 30/08/2019 07:42

Anniversary was always to be yesterday with was the proper day

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 30/08/2019 07:42

Typical mn. Loads of people do this! Its not deceiving anyone. How melodramatic.

She was absolutely wrong to say anything to anyone! I would be complaining too and i wouldnt be entertaining any shit from parents either.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/08/2019 07:42

I'd be annoyed in your shoes too... I'd certainly write a letter of complaint.

As for both sets of parents, you prob need to sit down and explain the situation.

Did they find out before or after the second ceremony?

Tippexy · 30/08/2019 07:43

A wedding is a matter of public record

PositiveVibez · 30/08/2019 07:44

Can I just ask why you done it this way? Sounds rather sly considering your parent contributed.

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 07:44

I know people who have done it, it’s not that. But lying to your parents about it is different. The celebrant probably didn’t think you’d do that.

OtraCosaMariposa · 30/08/2019 07:44

one your family would be sending cards/gifts each year.

Bit of a red herring given that lots of families don't send anniversary cards or presents. ever.

Anyway OP this is a situation entirely of your own making. You got married without anyone there. You knew your parents (both sets) would be upset and did it anyway. Then asked the celebrant to lie about it.

ElleDriver · 30/08/2019 07:45

Yes I'd be annoyed.

Loads of people do this, there are only so many places that you can legally get married Confused

Rubicon80 · 30/08/2019 07:45

I also got married for admin in a registry office and my parents and my husband's parents all attended. Along with our children they were our only guests.

And we hadn't taken any money from them either. I think it's really shit that you didn't at least give them the option to come to the registry office if they wanted to see you actually get married. No wonder they were all upset.

Quaffy · 30/08/2019 07:46

I wouldn’t have done what you did, but the celebrant shouldn’t have said anything

Soontobe60 · 30/08/2019 07:47

My DD got married in this way, but she was upfront and told everyone beforehand. Hers was also a quick 10 minute job. The celebrant didn't have to lie because we all knew!
It's actually very common these days to do this. And in fact, many years ago, if you got married in aCatholic church you also had to do that!
OP, I'd email the celebrant to ask what happened. I'd also apologise to the parents for not telling them beforehand. I'm glad your day was amazing though.

flashingbeacon · 30/08/2019 07:47

I know in Scotland the celebrant couldn’t pretend that this was a legal ceremony, legally they have to make it clear it’s not a legal wedding. So if your MIL had asked to take photos of the license or something the celebrant couldn’t lie.
I’m not sure if you’re in Scotland or if the rules are the same in England but possibly she’s a professional who can’t risk her reputation

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