Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about my wedding

807 replies

Itsalltoomuch19 · 30/08/2019 07:35

So got married yesterday and want to point out it was amazing day full of the people I love and care about the most. But one thing caused me hours of stress and I think I should complain.
Our venue doesn’t have an actual marriage license so you get ‘married’ in a barn and I paid £500 for a celebrant to conduct the ceremony we met with her before and told her no one knew we were getting married a fews before and the people from the venue were coming to be witnesses so as no one felt they were not left out and both sets of parents had contributed a lot to this wedding so I didn’t want them being annoyed. An hour before I arrive my DH text me to say the celebrant has told his mum that we got married last week, he mum was upset and then asked my mum if she knew. I think she wanted to find out if my mum had been invited and not her, so now both sets of parents knew and were upset. This is all before I got there so I felt so upset and stressed by it as we didn’t want this to happen and she knew that.
Even the venue were limited and said they have never had a celebrant do this before and they have 3-5 weddings every week for the last 5 years! I really want to email her stating how stressed she made me feel and caused a bit of tension on the day but my DH thinks it’s done now we just need to face our parents today and explain the reasons and leave it

OP posts:
HappyActivist · 01/09/2019 12:41

As a parent I would hate it if my children did this. I can’t really understand why OP didn’t just explain the situation to the parents who had contributed to the wedding and as such don’t appear to be estranged (which might be a valid reason for not telling the truth).

wowfudge · 01/09/2019 13:48

Neuro I expect the Registrar at the register office was concerned that you might not have understood that the ceremony there was your legal marriage. Also, as pps, including a number of registrar's, have posted you can personalise the ceremony at a register office to a high degree anyway.

mrpickwick · 01/09/2019 19:52

All the judgemental people on here as if they never lied to keep the peace.

Rubicon80 · 01/09/2019 20:07

@FreshLinen Whether you are married or not, is your personal information, and therefore the celebrant has breached GDPR by sharing this with people other than yourselves.

!!!

WTF?

Marriage is literally one of the few aspects of your 'personal information' that is entirely a matter of public record.

How would it 'breach GDPR' to share information that is a matter of public record?!

Alsohuman · 01/09/2019 20:09

Lying to your parents over a sustained period to con them into paying for your wedding is hardly a fib to keep the piece.

Alsohuman · 01/09/2019 20:10

Peace, even, bloody peace!

Ginger1982 · 01/09/2019 20:11

Getting 'married' at a venue without a licence, in my humble opinion, is just stupid.

Honeyroar · 01/09/2019 21:39

Tbh you'd think any parents that were interested and pay g the slightest bit of attention to the wedding plans would realise it wasn't licensed for weddings and that there would have to be a legal ceremony somewhere else. So it was hardly a big con, the info would be clearly there in any brochure or website..

Alsohuman · 01/09/2019 21:40

Presumably the parents didn’t book the venue.

Honeyroar · 01/09/2019 22:02

Oh do you think!😜. But presumably they would have been able to send a brochure, visit the venue or look it up online. Surely they'd be that interested to see where their money was going..

Alsohuman · 01/09/2019 22:06

Maybe they (unwisely) trusted OP and it never occurred to them she’d be stupid enough to book a venue she couldn’t actually get married in. Perhaps they haven’t watched enough episodes of Don’t Tell the Bride.

Honeyroar · 01/09/2019 22:10

Well they should have taken more interest when it was being organised (most parents do, mine did and they weren't paying!). It wouldn't have been a shock and they could've voiced their objections/"we've paid so we want to be there" ultimatums before it was too late.

Alsohuman · 01/09/2019 22:16

Oh, so we’ve moved from it being the celebrant’s fault and it’s the parents who are to blame now? Not for a second the person who chose the venue, made the booking and lied through her teeth.

Honeyroar · 01/09/2019 22:24

I just don't think she did lie through her teeth with the aim of deceiving the parents. The actual registry ceremony didn't feel like the important bit to her (as it wasn't for my friend and isn't in a few European countries). It was just something they had to do in order to have the ceremony they wanted where they wanted. Each to their own in my world. I wouldn't think badly of anyone having this type of wedding. And I'm not blaming the parents, just saying the info was out there and readily available if they'd paid the slightest bit of interest..

I also think some people are being a bit dramatic in their criticisms on here!

Alsohuman · 02/09/2019 07:14

Well you’re wrong. She lied consistently over a period of months. HTH.

HarrySnotter · 02/09/2019 08:14

Do people really not understand about GDPR? That's really worrying.

AccioCats · 02/09/2019 09:20

So now it’s the fault of the parents for not checking out the venue/ website/ brochures enough!

Maybe, just maybe, they assumed that their daughter wouldn’t lie to them. Obviously that concept must blow some people’s minds.

As for GDPR - harrysnotter, it’s scary isn’t it how some people pontificate about it when they have no clue. Or assume that because GDPR has certain impacts in their own workplace then it must be exactly the same in every other context!

mrpickwick · 02/09/2019 09:47

It's ironic all the sanctimonious claptrap that is on this thread e.g.. celebrants can't lie (they gossip and lie like any other human) and the OP is deceitful, whilst the 'virtuous' posters line up to cast the first stone.

Alsohuman · 02/09/2019 09:49

Not only is GDPR not understood, but it appears irony isn’t either.

mrpickwick · 02/09/2019 10:07

Well I understand it 'Alsohuman.' But dictionaries are available online if you need help.

TabbyMumz · 02/09/2019 10:18

So..my understanding of this is....some places get licences for people to get married at that location, lots don't . Those that don't, think of ingenious ways to persuade people to get "married" there. Including advertising celebrants and pushing the view that you can get married anywhere (when you cant), and that it will be much nicer and more personal to pay £500 for a celebrant and use their venue. In reality, they need to get married somewhere else, and the whole thing is a fake.

Alsohuman · 02/09/2019 10:20

If you understood it, you wouldn’t have used it in this context. There’s no irony involved in saying someone lied when they didn’t tell the truth.

RosesAndRaindrops · 02/09/2019 10:36

That sounds about right @TabbyMumz!

AccioCats · 02/09/2019 10:37

Tabbymumz - basically yes they are just party venues. But if you say the party is to celebrate a wedding, they’ll stick a few zeros on the price and provide some ‘Mr and Mrs’ accessories.
(Personally if this was the type of venue I was going for, I’d avoid mentioning that I’d just got married and would say we were just holding a party for my family and friends)

mrpickwick · 02/09/2019 10:38

Go argue with a dictionary, 'Alsohuman' you're ridiculous.

To be furious about my wedding