Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite people around MIL’s house while housesitting

244 replies

KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:17

So this has proper annoyed me:

So my mil is going on holiday for a week and has asked my dh and the family to housesit and look after the dogs while they’re away. My mil just said keep the place tidy, walk and feed the dogs and treat the place like your home.

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing (we were skint for his birthday 6 weeks ago and it’s made me feel so guilty).

Anyway I ended up telling dh and things have completely blown up saying that the dogs won’t cope with new people and my mum wouldn’t like people she doesn’t know being in her house. And I’m just like the dogs coped during my ds1 first birthday party when we had around my mil’s and she said treat it like your home?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 29/08/2019 11:19

I wouldn't do this unless my MIL had said she was happy, to be honest, I think it would be cheeky to ask because she may feel uncomfortable saying no.

NoddyAndBessie · 29/08/2019 11:20

FFS, I'm usually on the children's side over the PILs, but you're seriously wanting to use their house for a party?

Completely and utterly unreasonable. I'd be surprised if he talks to you for the forseeable.

Don't you realise that people say things like "treat it as your home" as to mean "make yourself comfortable", not "invite all and fucking sundry"?

Imonlymoominafterall · 29/08/2019 11:20

Not ok - not your house and you haven't asked.

LellyMcKelly · 29/08/2019 11:21

Phone her and ask her. I wouldn’t do it without her consent.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 29/08/2019 11:21

She may have said treat the place as your own but surely anyone can see its completely cheeky and unreasonable to use it for a party/BBQ especially without even asking her permission.

ElizaPancakes · 29/08/2019 11:22

I think so long as you replace anything you use and clean so there’s no trace of their visit it’s fine. I would ask MIL first though, same as I’d ask my mum.

Aderyn19 · 29/08/2019 11:22

No you shouldn't do this. Your dh knows what his mum would be okay with more than you do, so if he says no then you should respect that.
Treating the place like home means helping yourself to stuff on the fridge, not having a party.

kitk · 29/08/2019 11:22

Can't you just ask if it would be okay? That avoids all the drama then? I think YWBU to assume it's ok

sackrifice · 29/08/2019 11:23

LOL. You are a cheeky fucker!

Rainycloudyday · 29/08/2019 11:23

Not ok at all and your husband is totally in the right. Have some respect for your MiL’s home and do not have any kind of gathering! Ffs.

Original poster
KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:23

It’s not a party... we don’t drink. Just the kids playing and eating burgers.

OP posts:
Idontwanttotalk · 29/08/2019 11:24

So much for surprises. You didn't keep quiet for long did you? I wouldn't be telling you any secrets. Grin

Your DH probably knows best how his parents would feel about this so I would listen to him. 'Make yourself at home' may not mean get the barbeque out and have guests round. It might just mean not to be afraid to use any food in the cupboards or use the washing machine.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/08/2019 11:24

Having some friends round for a BBQ does sound like 'using the house like your own home' to me.

When ds2 stayed at our house over the summer to look after the dogs for a week so dh and I could go away, he had friends over one evening and we had absolutely no problem with that whatsoever. We knew he would clear up after himself and his friends, and wouldn't wreck the place.

I think that, provided the dogs really will be OK with the other guests, and you don't trash the place and clear up after yourselves, it should be fine - but if your dh is concerned you could do as @LellyMcKelly suggests and ring to check.

IsobelRae23 · 29/08/2019 11:24

Not ok. She said treat it as your own, not invite people around. Out of order.

jesuschristwtf · 29/08/2019 11:25

Wtf?! Your going to have a full on party in your mil home which you are house sitting for? Are you 16?! Grow up, this is not ok!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 29/08/2019 11:26

It’s not a party... we don’t drink.

Well that's a stupid thing to say not drinking doesn't make it any less of a party Hmm.

You really think its not unreasonable to have some mates over and use your MIL house as the venue without asking? How would you like it if someone did that at your house without your knowledge or permission?

RabbitPied · 29/08/2019 11:26

YABVU. Treat it like your home doesn't mean invite people over and have a celebration. It's still a party regardless of alcohol.

Piffle11 · 29/08/2019 11:26

So are you actually living in her house whilst she's away? Can't you do something for your OH either at your own place, then go back to MIL's, or have a get together with friends once you're back home? I know people say 'treat the place as your own' and 'help yourself to food, etc' when someone is house sitting/baby sitting, but I don't think they would mean 'feel free to have a party whilst we're gone'. I think that's a step too far.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/08/2019 11:26

You said it was for him so if he’s said no and you try and go ahead anyway it’s not for him at all.

AdoreTheBeach · 29/08/2019 11:27

You need to ask MIL, don’t assume it’s ok with her. She may not be comfortable with people she may not know coming to her home.

Have a friend who house/dog sits. She was house sitting over Xmas and new year. She had her dad over on Xmas day. She had a few lady friends, about three of us, over after New Year. We’re aged 50 plus so no partying. We brought a bottle each and nibbles. No food or wine consumed that were the home owners. The neighbours told the family that someone as there on Xmas day and that two additional cars were there one evening. they refused to pay my friend as they said she abused their trust. There had not been a discussion about this at all so my friend didn’t think anything of it. She didn’t think the people would consider she would be alone all over the holiday period not leave their dog alone to go somewhere for Xmas dinner.

please do ask MIL or you could inadvertently cause a family row.

Ponoka7 · 29/08/2019 11:27

When it's the other way round, family having people over in an OPs home, it's a clear vote that they were out of order.

It was ok to suggest it and ask, but not to argue if it was a no.

Dogs can behave differently if there owners aren't about and i worry if it was my dogs and home.

Does your MIL know everyone well, who would be invited?

PlinkPlink · 29/08/2019 11:27

Unless you actually ask your MIL, this really isn't ok.

Your MIL would quite rightly view it as a massive invasion of privacy.

autumndreaming · 29/08/2019 11:27

YABU! 'Make yourself at home' does not mean this!

Witchofzog · 29/08/2019 11:28

No no no. This is not your house and it would be very rude to consider this. And don't put her on the spot either as she may feel like she has to say yes because you are doing her a favour. What would happen if one of the dogs snapped at one of the children because they are not used to new people? Feed and walk the dogs then have the bbq at your own house

GrapefruitGin · 29/08/2019 11:30

No, that’s rude. I wouldn’t even dream of it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread