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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite people around MIL’s house while housesitting

244 replies

KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:17

So this has proper annoyed me:

So my mil is going on holiday for a week and has asked my dh and the family to housesit and look after the dogs while they’re away. My mil just said keep the place tidy, walk and feed the dogs and treat the place like your home.

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing (we were skint for his birthday 6 weeks ago and it’s made me feel so guilty).

Anyway I ended up telling dh and things have completely blown up saying that the dogs won’t cope with new people and my mum wouldn’t like people she doesn’t know being in her house. And I’m just like the dogs coped during my ds1 first birthday party when we had around my mil’s and she said treat it like your home?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bibidy · 29/08/2019 11:53

Yep I'd just ask her. Hopefully she'll say yes and all will be fine anyway.

It might be nice for the dogs to have company for a few hours rather than people just popping in and out to walk and feed them.

StoppinBy · 29/08/2019 11:56

You are doing them a favour by minding their house and pets while their away. I can't see why you shouldn't be able to invite a friend round on the weekend in that case. It's not a party, it's one extra family for a BBQ. As long as they are respectful of the house I can't see why she would say no, I would ask her though.

transformandriseup · 29/08/2019 11:56

I don’t know. My MIL would be fine with this it we asked first.

If you already know she will be uncomfortable with strangers in her house it may not be the best idea.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 29/08/2019 11:57

Don’t do this unless you have specifically asked your MIL.

And given it was for your DH; the fact he doesn’t want to do it really should be the end of it. His birthday was 6 weeks ago. Celebrating it is not really an issue now.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 29/08/2019 11:58

"Treat the place like your own" means feel free to eat the food and use the appliances. Not "commission an extension and redecorate the master bedroom", or indeed invite whoever you like over to eat the food.

Your DH doesn't want it and he says his DM wouldn't want it either. Game over, you're a CF to want to do it anyway.

elvis86 · 29/08/2019 11:58

Going against the grain here, but whilst I would definitely ask MIL first, I hardly think it's the height of cheeky-fuckery? Confused

You're staying at your MIL's for a week to take care of her dogs, presumably at inconvenience to you as you've had to pack stuff for the week and don't have all your belongings around you etc? I hardly think it would be unreasonable for you to ask if you can invite another couple around for a BBQ whilst the weather is nice?

If it is a massive problem for MIL, then I'd just consider whether I'm inclined to dog-sit again.

If she does loads to help you out, then I'd probably suck it up and accept that she's precious about people being in her house. If she's generally not helpful to you, then I'd make myself unavailable for dog-sitting in future, if you feel that it restricts your freedom whilst you're doing it. Tell her why if you're inclined to have that conversation.

Crinkle77 · 29/08/2019 11:58

YABU

C8H10N4O2 · 29/08/2019 12:00

You would honestly be fine with someone inviting people over to a party at you home when they had not asked your permission?

My own DC and a few friends having a teetotal barbecue in the garden? Yes of course I would and odds are I'd know the friends.

If someone here asks their DP/DPiL to adjust any favour they are told "you asked for help, you are getting it free, suck it up". Here they are spending two weeks providing free dog care and house sitting services but are expected to behave as if the MiL is doing them a favour

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 12:01

So you ask your son and his partner to live in your house for a week and look after your animals. Would people be genuinely upset if they asked another couple over for dinner? It seems very bizarre to me!

Drabarni · 29/08/2019 12:02

I'd go mad if someone did this behind my back. I'm fussy about who I want in my house.
If you have plans or want to make plans, say no to house sitting, I'd hate this too.

category12 · 29/08/2019 12:03

Crikey, I thought this was something only teenagers did. Hmm

You have to ask, at the very least, OP.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 12:03

People gave grasped that this is family, not house sitters?

elvis86 · 29/08/2019 12:03

Totally agree with BertrandRussell.

Some people on here are way too precious about everything.

I get on amazingly with my parents and in-laws, and I'm certain neither of them would have an issue with this.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 29/08/2019 12:03

YABU

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2019 12:03

It’s your dh who has put the kybosh on this. Has he even asked his mum? I admit I’d be unhappy if my house sitting mates did this.

RosesAndRaindrops · 29/08/2019 12:03

You don't just invite friends round for a party to other people's houses, FFS lol.
(Even if there is apparently no drink, it's still a social gathering!)
YABVVVVU

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 12:04

“I'd go mad if someone did this behind my back. I'm fussy about who I want in my house.”
Including your son’s best friend?

Marlena1 · 29/08/2019 12:04

I would have thought this would be fine. You're having a family over, you're not goina trash the place. Maybe you could check with MIL but I don't get the problem at all. Preaumably if this is his BF she knows him well alsoHmm

NoTheresa · 29/08/2019 12:04

YABU

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 29/08/2019 12:05

If you have plans or want to make plans, say no to house sitting

This ^^ Its all well and good saying they are doing MIL a favour but they could have said no. The OP doesn't now get to host a party without asking permission simply because they said yes to house sitting. The two things are not mutually exclusive. If they wanted a BBQ and to have friends over for a belated party then why not do it when they are home, why presume its acceptable to use the MIL house as a venue.

category12 · 29/08/2019 12:06

If the dh doesn't think it's a good idea, surely he would know. After all it's his parents they're house-sitting for.

Dipi · 29/08/2019 12:08

Omi-gosh, to even think about this is awful. Over-entitled shit comes to mind. Sorry, but your attitude appears to stink. Xx

MorganKitten · 29/08/2019 12:08

You want to have a party in someone else’s house? Would you be happy if that happened at yours?

RosesAndRaindrops · 29/08/2019 12:09

Can just imagine it the other way round.
I'm housesitting for DIL, whilst they've gone on holiday for the week, AIBU to invite Brenda, Mary, Susan, etc round for a birthday BBQ when I'm housesitting? We don't drink so it's all OK, right?

MN - "you're doing them a favour, course it's OK, people have grasped it's family, not house sitters?"
Yeah rightio lol Grin

MidCenturyVintageWoman · 29/08/2019 12:09

This is so funny and so typically mumsnet. Because the OP mentioned a birthday most posts have been obsessing about it being a 'party' and "a full blown party" in one particularly OTT post. It's another couple and their children. I have adult children and if any did us the (big) favour of house sitting our dogs while we went on holiday if, when we came back, they mentioned they had another couple over one evening I wouldn't bat an eyelid.