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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite people around MIL’s house while housesitting

244 replies

KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:17

So this has proper annoyed me:

So my mil is going on holiday for a week and has asked my dh and the family to housesit and look after the dogs while they’re away. My mil just said keep the place tidy, walk and feed the dogs and treat the place like your home.

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing (we were skint for his birthday 6 weeks ago and it’s made me feel so guilty).

Anyway I ended up telling dh and things have completely blown up saying that the dogs won’t cope with new people and my mum wouldn’t like people she doesn’t know being in her house. And I’m just like the dogs coped during my ds1 first birthday party when we had around my mil’s and she said treat it like your home?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 29/08/2019 11:31

On another point, how well will DH enjoy it, if he's having to supervise it all?

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 11:31

Difficult one, this. I wouldn’t mind in the slightest if you didn’t damage anything. But Mumsnetters tend to be a bit extreme about letting people over their thresholds. And if it was the other way round it would be considered grounds for never seeing them again. So I would go with what your do says- he’s much more likely to know how his mum would feel.

HeyMonkey · 29/08/2019 11:31

No, YABU. If you're housesitting for someone you should not use it to host gatherings unless you've specifically asked the owners if they mind.

I wouldn't like people being invited round to my house while I was away without being asked, and i'd be uncomfortable with it.

Sleephelpplease · 29/08/2019 11:32

How many people are you thinking of and will the dogs cope? Going against the grain here, if one of my family were house sitting for me as a favour for a week so my dogs didn’t have to go to kennels, and they invited a family around for a quiet afternoons bbq, I’d be fine with it. If however the dogs couldn’t cope and damage was caused/ the house was a tip/ neighbours were disturbed I’d be cross! Only you and your husband know how the afternoon would be likely to pan out. I’d feel the same if I was going to my family’s house, or the in-laws. But I know them well enough that they wouldn’t be worried if we did the same. However I’d probably not be fussed about moving it a week to when I was home if it was going to cause any form of stress. Perhaps have a calm chat with your husband and if necessary your in-laws (giving them an easy ‘out’ incase they are uncomfortable). Good luck in resolving.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 29/08/2019 11:32

I'm probably wrong to assume but I would also wager that the MIL's house is much larger and with more space than the OPs which is why she is so keen to use it to host the BBQ rather than wait 1 week and have it once her DP has finished dog sitting. If my suspicions are accurate that makes it even more cheeky in my opinion.

fedup21 · 29/08/2019 11:32

If it’s for him but he doesn’t want to do it-don’t do it!

Do it next week at your own house??

Jemima232 · 29/08/2019 11:32

Bloody hell.

I can see a brilliant thread coming up on the lines of DS and DIL had a barbecue while house-sitting - AIBU to go NC

HotSauceCommittee · 29/08/2019 11:37

If it’s supposedly FOR your DH and he doesn’t want it, don’t do it. You’d just be hosting a BBQ for yourself, not for DH’s birthday, so it is disingenuous to present this otherwise.
I am intrigued to know why you don’t prefer to do this when you are back in your own house?

TixieLix · 29/08/2019 11:38

Absolutely not ok to have friends over for a BBQ at your MIL's house without seeking her permission first. When she said 'treat the place like your home' she most likely meant make yourself comfortable, use laundry facilities etc and help yourself to things in the cupboard. She didn't mean invite your friends and their kids round. I agree with PP you sound like a CF!!

AmIThough · 29/08/2019 11:38

'Make yourself at home' means don't feel guilty shitting in the toilet, feel free to lie down on my sofa, not 'use my house for social gatherings' ffs!

Chocolatemouse84 · 29/08/2019 11:39

I wouldn't do this... I'd wait until back home to have a bbq. I think it's rude to assume you can do it in someone else's home.

Geminijes · 29/08/2019 11:41

How would you feel if you MIL was house sitting for you and when you returned you discovered she had a BBQ and invited her friends and their young children around to your house?

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 11:41

“I'm probably wrong to assume but I would also wager that the MIL's house is much larger and with more space than the OPs which is why she is so keen to use it to host the BBQ ”
Yep. Seems perfectly sensible to me.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 11:42

“How would you feel if you MIL was house sitting for you and when you returned you discovered she had a BBQ and invited her friends and their young children around to your house?“

Well, i’d be fine. But I appear to be rather in the minority!

AryaStarkWolf · 29/08/2019 11:42

YABU especially since your DH, who's actually their son isn't happy about it

IDontDrinkTea · 29/08/2019 11:44

I can’t believe you even need to ask if this is ok. Of course you can’t host a party social gathering at your MILs without permission

Blueberrycheesecake1 · 29/08/2019 11:44

Yabvu!!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 29/08/2019 11:46

Well, i’d be fine. But I appear to be rather in the minority!

You would honestly be fine with someone inviting people over to a party at you home when they had not asked your permission?

Ijustwanttoretire · 29/08/2019 11:48

Don't you realise that people say things like "treat it as your home" as to mean "make yourself comfortable", not "invite all and fucking sundry"

^^ this

FamilyOfAliens · 29/08/2019 11:48

OP, lots of people have suggested you ask her because it’s irrelevant what anyone on here would do. It’s not our house.

Are you going to ask her?

whirlwinds · 29/08/2019 11:48

It's not your house and unless you have already received permission from your MIL/PIL to do this then you are the CF here.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 11:49

It’s not a party- it’s one other family. And yes, I would be absolutely fine with that. If I trusted a member of my family to look after my house and my animals, I’d trust them to have a barbecue in my gardenZ

OrangeSlices998 · 29/08/2019 11:50

Just ask your MIL if she'd mind, and clean up after!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/08/2019 11:52

MIL might be fine with this but I would be really upset if you invited people around to my house without asking

TreeSunset · 29/08/2019 11:52

Why wouldn’t you just ask her? If she says yes then no problem. The fact that you’re going ahead without asking makes it seem like you think she would object!