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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite people around MIL’s house while housesitting

244 replies

KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:17

So this has proper annoyed me:

So my mil is going on holiday for a week and has asked my dh and the family to housesit and look after the dogs while they’re away. My mil just said keep the place tidy, walk and feed the dogs and treat the place like your home.

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing (we were skint for his birthday 6 weeks ago and it’s made me feel so guilty).

Anyway I ended up telling dh and things have completely blown up saying that the dogs won’t cope with new people and my mum wouldn’t like people she doesn’t know being in her house. And I’m just like the dogs coped during my ds1 first birthday party when we had around my mil’s and she said treat it like your home?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 29/08/2019 12:10

If you were the Mil the whole of MN would be saying what a cheeky fucker you are.

Bibidy · 29/08/2019 12:12

I'm about to catsit for my sister for 2 weeks and wouldn't think anything of having friends over.

Obviously I wouldn't have an actual proper party but I'd happily have a couple of people over for a BBQ and my sister wouldn't care at all.

RosesAndRaindrops · 29/08/2019 12:13

It's another couple and their children

Is it?

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing

Partner, best friend, family......
Worded like more than couple and their children.
Even if it's just four or whatever, it's fucking cheeky to do it without asking, I mean WTF I thought that was the type of thing you did when you were a teenager not me I was a good girl lol

C8H10N4O2 · 29/08/2019 12:14

This ^^ Its all well and good saying they are doing MIL a favour but they could have said no

The MIL said to treat the place like home whist they were doing her a significant favour. Now they want to do exactly that she is withdrawing that agreement and just wanting free house sitting and dog care.

This is not some bunch of randoms she is paying to care for her house and dogs its her own family doing her a favour. If she can't trust her own adult DC to have some friends round without causing problems then she didn't do much of a job of raising them.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/08/2019 12:15

@RosesAndRaindrops I think you've misread that, presumably her DH and partner are the same person? And best friend and family means DHs best friend and his family (ie wife and (kids?)

RosesAndRaindrops · 29/08/2019 12:16

The MIL said to treat the place like home whist they were doing her a significant favour.

Yeah, doesn't that usually mean help yourself to the biscuits, use the kitchen to cook what you like, put your feet up on the sofa whilst dropping crumbs everywhere and watching Friends on repeat?
Not inviting your mates round for a belated birthday BBq lol

C8H10N4O2 · 29/08/2019 12:16

Sorry, but your attitude appears to stink

Yes appalling of them to provide free house sitting and dog care and have the temerity to take the MiL at her word by having a couple of friends round.

Good grief, what sort of relationships do you all have with your own DC that you don't want them to treat your homes like home?

AryaStarkWolf · 29/08/2019 12:17

Now they want to do exactly that she is withdrawing that agreement and just wanting free house sitting and dog care.

The MIL doesn't know anything about this, it's the OPs DH who is saying no

RosesAndRaindrops · 29/08/2019 12:17

@RosesAndRaindrops I think you've misread that, presumably her DH and partner are the same person? And best friend and family means DHs best friend and his family (ie wife and (kids?)

Ah OK, fair enough if so, makes more sense - although still cheeky however many Grin

wildcherries · 29/08/2019 12:19

At least ask MIL. And respect her answer. I'd be so angry to have this done behind my back.

Based on the OP, YABU.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 29/08/2019 12:20

The MIL said to treat the place like home whist they were doing her a significant favour.

Which surely means help yourself to stuff from the cupboards and fridge and don't worry about lounging on the sofas not have people over and use our house as a venue for your belated birthday celebrations. Or have I and others been misinterpreting the words treat the place like home all these years?? Hmm

C8H10N4O2 · 29/08/2019 12:20

The MIL doesn't know anything about this, it's the OPs DH who is saying no

I read the OP as him reporting back a conversation but I agree it could be the other way.

If so its the DH who is weird but I am honestly astonished by the number of posters who wouldn't want their own DC having a couple of friends round whilst said DC were house/animal sitting.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/08/2019 12:20

Ah OK, fair enough if so, makes more sense - although still cheeky however many

I did have to reread the DH and partner bit a few times tbf.....

anyway regardless of all that, her DH said no so that should be the end of it, it's his parents house after all, the OP would get the final say if it were her own parents home

MzHz · 29/08/2019 12:22

Op, why don’t you text and ask MIL if she would be ok to have your dh best friend and his wife and kids over for a bbq?

Something like “just thought I’d check to make sure you’re ok with this before assuming and inviting them”

C8H10N4O2 · 29/08/2019 12:23

Or have I and others been misinterpreting the words treat the place like home all these years??

Well in my extended family and DH's you certainly would be misinterpreting it.

If I can't trust my own DC to manage having a few friends round whilst looking after my house then I've dont a pretty poor job of raising them

These are not random house sitters.

MzHz · 29/08/2019 12:24

FWIW, i house sat a few years ago and had my friend round with her daughter for chill, wine and food, another friend dropped her boy off for the day as she was working, if you know the kids would be behaved and the parents responsible (which let’s face it, MOST ARE!) then there wouldn’t be an issue in my view

You can ask tho... whenever you’re texting to let her know all ok with dogs etc

saraclara · 29/08/2019 12:26

I world be absolutely happy with one of my daughters and partner doing this if they were house sitting for me. But it sounds as though your MIL wouldn't.

If it's possible to ask her if it's okay, then do that. If it isn't, and your husband thinks it would freak your MIL out, then abandon the idea.

I've often had house sitters (from trustedhousesitters) and I've always told them to feel free to have friends around. I wouldn't want to be stuck in a strangers house for a few weeks without being able to act normally and have friends visit.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2019 12:27

I'd also agree with the majority of posters. I would not do this unless I asked the home owners.

Either ask them if it's ok, or have the party at your own home. It was his birthday six weeks ago, no urgent need for it to be the one week your house sitting.

And if he says he is worried about rh dogs and his mother would be uncomfortable with strangers in her home, why ignore him and argue the point. I though thr party was supposed to be for him. Not you.

IdahoGreen · 29/08/2019 12:29

Regardless of what other people on here think, if you've already raised it with your DH and he has said that he's certain his mother wouldn't like it, doesn't that answer your question?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 29/08/2019 12:30

This is taking one too many liberties in someone else's home I'm afraid, OP, despite the fact that you're doing them a favour by looking after it.

YABU.

Tonnerre · 29/08/2019 12:30

I suspect the dogs coped at your child's party because they had the security of your MIL and FIL being there. It's rather different when they aren't.

whattodowith · 29/08/2019 12:31

YABU. Not your house, not your rules. You can’t just invite a bunch of people over to someone else’s home and expect that to be ok. Your DH is correct about the dogs too, many dogs don’t cope well with strangers.

usernamerisnotavailable · 29/08/2019 12:32

Sorry but I think this is ridiculous. Firstly this is family and you're doing them a favour. I wouldn't mind at all if I was the MIL. Secondly why they hell don't you just check they don't mind? You know, like pick up the phone and ask the question?

Sakura7 · 29/08/2019 12:35

I can't believe you think this is ok OP. I would be really annoyed if someone did this in my home behind my back.

The posters saying this is fine because OP is providing free petsitting are a bit silly IMO. In a family, people do each other favours all the time. Presumably MIL has done a lot for her son over the years.

nothingsreallynewunderthesun · 29/08/2019 12:37

House and pet sitting is quite a big favour if you already have your own home - you're saving the in-laws quite a lot of money on kennels or a dog walker and doing them the house-sitting favour, for nothing.

Just ask MIL if it's ok to have the other family over for a barbecue. She really shouldn't mind as you're doing her a big favour, but of course you should ask.