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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite people around MIL’s house while housesitting

244 replies

KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:17

So this has proper annoyed me:

So my mil is going on holiday for a week and has asked my dh and the family to housesit and look after the dogs while they’re away. My mil just said keep the place tidy, walk and feed the dogs and treat the place like your home.

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing (we were skint for his birthday 6 weeks ago and it’s made me feel so guilty).

Anyway I ended up telling dh and things have completely blown up saying that the dogs won’t cope with new people and my mum wouldn’t like people she doesn’t know being in her house. And I’m just like the dogs coped during my ds1 first birthday party when we had around my mil’s and she said treat it like your home?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sakura7 · 30/08/2019 00:10

You’re child is living in your house for two weeks at your request while you’re away.

The 'child' is a grown up man with a wife, who presumably hasn't lived with his parents for years. I agree with a PP who pointed out that the dynamic changes a bit when everyone involved is a grown adult. Also it's only one week, not two. If the birthday celebrations could wait six weeks, I don't see what's wrong with waiting an extra week and having it at home.

FeeFee832 · 30/08/2019 00:11

Oh got it. No, don't do that.

Your house sitting!!! Don't have a bloody party. Wait till mil home!

QuiteForgetful · 30/08/2019 00:13

Yabu. You need to be respectful and ask if you may do this.

WineIsMyMainVice · 30/08/2019 00:18

Op said a ‘birthday thing’ not a ‘full on party’ as others have suggested!!!
If it’s just a small gathering for a bbq what’s the problem!!! Go for it!

Isithometimeyet0987 · 30/08/2019 02:21

Some people would have said “make yourself at home” to me when I babysat as a teenager, they ment I could get something from the kitchen if I was hungry and watch tv etc not invite my best friends round and have a party/bbq or whatever. Yabu.

QuiteForgetful · 30/08/2019 04:56

Kissythief do you want to have a bbq there with friends, because you are unable to do it at your own place? No garden or bbq...if so, just ask the in laws if they'd mind. Otherwise, invite them to your own place. But if you need to lock up the dog while the company is there, that is unfair to the dog, who is a reason you are house sitting.
I'd allow it if my dil asked, as I know how responsible my ds and ddil are.

ReasonedCamper · 30/08/2019 06:13

I think the OP means;

The BBQ is for her DH.
She suggested a BBQ and as a surprise to her DH Planned to invite DH’s best friend and family.
I. E just one friend with his wife and kids.
However, DH has expressed reservations.

OP: if I have this right, I don’t think BBQing some burgers in the garden and inviting one family to join you, for your MIL’s own son, is unreasonable at all.

However since your DH has said no, he isn’t comfortable that his Mum would like it, you have no choice really. You can’t celebrate someone’s birthday with a BBQ they don’t feel happy about!

AgentProvocateur · 30/08/2019 06:19

I’m in the minority here, but I’d be fine with it If was your MIL. Wouldn’t even cross my mind that there would be an issue. You’re doing her a massive favour by looking after the dogs. She can’t expect you to put your life on hold while you’re doing it.

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 30/08/2019 06:34

YABVU

HeronLanyon · 30/08/2019 06:49

Yabvu if you do this without asking her. ‘Make yourself at home’ does not mean ‘it is now your home to do as you please in’ ffs !

Dutch1e · 30/08/2019 08:46

This might win the AWard for the worst and most passive aggressive statement posted 😂

Jesus, on re-reading, you're right! Grin Ok, ignore the wording but do call MIL, assuming you have a good relationship. It seems really unfair to do all this speculating on her behalf.

AgentJohnson · 30/08/2019 09:42

but do call MIL, assuming you have a good relationship.

I think given her H’s stance that that opportunity, has passed, as it will look like she’s going behind her H’s back.

Remember, this is supposed to be celebrating his birthday, I’d hate to participate in a celebration —party— supposedly in my honour that I have made clear I didn’t want.

Abort the mission.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 30/08/2019 10:36

FFS I can't believe I've read this thread and people are still saying the OP is having a party? It's a barbecue with one other family...a nice celebration yes but a party?

Palaver1 · 30/08/2019 18:15

Do not call your MIL to ask
Your husband who knows his mother best has said No
Respect that

RachelEllenR · 30/08/2019 18:35

I do t think I'd house/dog sit as a favour if I wasn't allowed a few friends/family over. What weird responses. My in laws dog sit (and now babysit) for us and never have a problem with their friends coming over.

JazzyGG · 30/08/2019 19:08

This wouldn't bother my parents in the slightest if I did this. I presume you are 30+ not 18, it's not going to be a wild house party with 6 of you!!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2019 19:20

It’s just a couple of friends and some outdoor cooking - so long as there’s no damage and not excess noise why would it be a problem?
I think you’re doing her a favour looking after the dogs and if you want to have a bbq and have some friends round what’s the problem? You’re not, I presume, daft teenagers who will puke in the pond.
It’s not a huge party with excessive noise - I really can’t see the problem.
Otherwise have your bbq at yours and she can hire a dog sitter.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2019 19:23

Palaver1

Do not call your MIL to ask
Your husband who knows his mother best
has said No
Respect that

Fuck that! You can look after her house but you can’t have a friend round? Let him look after the bloody dogs and go to a spa with a girlfriend. Bloody cheek! What does he think will happen?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2019 19:27

I think it’s clear - the only reason possible for your husband to object to an outdoor burger with his best friend and wife is that he is shagging the wife - and the obvious sexual tension would be too much to cope with. There IS no other possible reason. LTB.🤣😎

mrslrc · 30/08/2019 19:29

If it was the other way round, and your MIL was house sitting for you, and decided t have a party without telling you, how would you feel? I know I wouldn’t be too happy about it!
I doubt she actually meant you to have a party, and without asking her, or telling her.

RosesAndRaindrops · 30/08/2019 19:35

If it was the other way round, and your MIL was house sitting for you

Exactly, that's how I see it - out of the whole thread, the only ones I've seen agreeing with it are the "kids" in the scenario who thinks "they're family, why shouldn't I !" or the grown up parents saying "course I want my kids to feel at home and invite their friends round, why wouldn't I?"
Interesting I've not seen any perspectives where it's from all adults together having respect for each others houses (as you say would it work the other way round if MIL decided to have friends round for a BBq without asking you?)

Witchend · 30/08/2019 20:28

I think the basic situation is that a lot of people wouldn't mind, but would like to be asked first.
Just assuming you can is the cheeky part, so I can't see why you wouldn't have asked unless you think she'd say no.

TowerRavenSeven · 30/08/2019 20:31

No way, I wouldn’t do this.

Wally1983 · 30/08/2019 20:37

I would! In fact when we dog sat my mums dog (could’ve be at my houseflat or their house) we had 20 people over for New Years dinner! Albeit it was all my in-laws but none the less we treated their home as our own as we stayed there a few days! I did tell my parents prior to it happening and they didn’y Bat an eyelid. Do you think you could mention to mil?

Starrynights86 · 30/08/2019 20:49

You are doing her a favour, you’re not a professional house sitter! I housesat for a month once, I didn’t have parties but I did have people round for dinner and a bbq as I would have done had I been living in my house share.