A MIL and a dog one......

[MilDog]

I know how much MN like to MIL bash and how divided the opinion on DDogs can be, so I'm steeling myself.....

Background on MIL:
Absolutely lovely woman who I love to bits and she's like a second mum to me.

I can count on 1 hand the number of disagreements we've had over the 20 odd years DH and I have been together. But, for all we get on, we are different personalities and have very different views on life.

Her only downside is that she can be very opinionated and the kind of person who doesn't take well to people disagreeing with her opinion. If I'm brutally honest, the reason there have probably been so few disagreements is because DH and I know when to pick our battles.

Background on DDog:
DDog is a year old and an absolute baby. I am not kidding on this, every morning he needs a cuddle when we get up before breakfast.

He is a big softie and I've seen him stand there and do nothing when other dogs have been snarling and snapping at him. That said, he is a heavy set muscular breed and weighing in at almost 30kg he could do serious damage to another dog or person if he chose to.

DC is 12 and they are best mates. DDog takes more notice of DC than me or DH, he literally has him at a word.

The situation:
A few weeks ago I was out walking DDog and a child (maybe 9/10?) was riding a scooter on the pavement towards us. Despite me having DDog on a short leash walking at heel and trying to keep us both to one side of the pavement, the child rode flat out into us hitting DDog, running over his foot making DDog yelp (I'm fairly sure it was deliberate, no reason otherwise as there was plenty of room and he could've slowed down to pass us).

No drama, but I did have a word with the child and told him to be a bit more careful in future.

A couple of days later same child went to do the same thing again, except this time DDog saw him coming and immediately started growling and snarling at him. I asked the child to stay back until we had passed as clearly DDog was frightened but the child ignored me, got off his scooter, walked straight towards us and put his hands out to try and stroke DDog, who at this point was still snarling and growling and baring his teeth!!

I ended up walking into the road to move DDog away from the situation.

It upset me because as I said, he's usually such a big softie especially with children and he's been around other children since the first incident and hadn't reacted at all. I contacted our dog walker (who is a behaviourist) and had a chat with her, she re-assured me it was a pure fear response but still we've arranged for her to do some sessions with me and DDog to try and get him over this fear and help me distract him and keep him calm if we are ever in a similar situation.

The MIL/DDog problem:
DH and I are supposed to be going to an event this weekend that means we'll be out from around 6pm to 11.30pm (but only 20 minutes from home). DC is quite happy to stay home (lots of family and friends within 10 minutes of our house if needed in an emergency), we've arranged to have him a takeaway delivered from our local place (where the owners know him and us) and dog walker is coming to take DDog out between 7pm and 8pm, after which DDog will do his usually sleep on the sofa and refuse to move.

But MIL has decided that DDog can no longer be trusted around DC and is coming round to sit with him.

Now, normally I couldn't get too worked up over this and this is a perfect example of where I would usually smile and nod and just let her crack on.

However, she is bringing DN with her as she is babysitting for the night. DN is younger than DC and a bit of a handful and DC has said he doesn't want DN here. I think he feels like his "grown up evening" is being ruined and he's a bit gutted.

My second issue with is that DN is not too keen on DDog, not full on fear but nervous because of DDogs size and having not been around dogs very much. DDog can get very boisterous when we have visitors (think of a toddler who's been fed 1kg of sweets) so he goes in his crate - I don't really want him locked in his crate most of the evening while DH and I aren't here!!

My AIBU dilemma:

1. Do DH and I put our foot down and tell MIL she is not to come round with DN, which will probably cause an unholy row and potentially could make life difficult for a while.

2. Smile and let her crack on to keep the peace - and also maybe I am BU leaving DC13 alone with DDog??

For full disclosure, we didn't actually tell MIL about our plans, no reason other that it just hasn't come up but she asked DC about it and it's him she's told she's coming round - she had t actually said anything to us (which I suspect is because she knows we'll push back....,)

What the hell do we do and are DH and I BU????

DC12 that last bit should say!

Just tell her no, stop overthinking. Its your house your child and your dog you do what you and DH want.

Tell her no!

You know your dog best and it isn’t fair to put him in the postition where he feels he needs to protect himself which is a risk to your niece.

I would also just tell her no , that said I wouldn’t have been having the conversation in the first place so she wouldn’t know what I was doing .

You put your foot down, as pleasantly as possible. DC at 12 is entitled to an evening of peace and quiet.

I’m sure your DC of 13 would be fine with your dog. It sounds like a one off reaction to the horrible child. Maybe you could ask MIL to pop around for half an hour half way through the evening and use the excuse of trying to give your child more independence as an excuse (rather than keeping her and DN away from your DDog?)

Your dog, your decision

Tell MIL no and arrange another babysitter.

You don’t need all the drama.

Your DH tells his mum that both of you are happy with the childcare arrangements and that you've sold it to your dc as a special grown up evening at home which he's really looking forward to.
Your DC is presumable a responsible 12 who is good with the dog. Very different from a small child who can do unexpected things, and wouldn't know how to listen to the dog.

Ridiculous to have a strong and potentially dangerous dog in the first place. So many breads that don't pose a life altering threat. Totally understand why your mother in law would not want a child left alone with it. It's not a baby it's an animal with animal instincts. How many times do you have to hear news reports where these dogs attack and how they were like a baby and never hurt anyone before. So irresponsible.

Tell her no, make it about DC wanting his grownup evening. Maybe tell her a white lie about how long the dog walker has the dog if you think she'll kick off...

Would dog walker babysit for a reasonable fee, so you know the dog is comfortable with someone else in the house?

I was fully expecting to get flamed over DDogs behaviour and leaving him with DC, I think the reason I'm over thinking is because there've been a few threads on MN recently about "dangerous dogs" so I was worried I was "that owner"

What has MN become?

DDog? dog will suffice shirley?

I know MN hates MILs and usually disagree for the sake of whatever she’s said but I would listen to her on this one.

If this weren’t the MIL in this story people would be saying that they were right to be worried about such a large dog suddenly becoming aggressive.

Agree with everyone else. No.

You also need to try and desensitise to scooters if possible so you don't meet the same reaction. Your poor dog.

What breed is your dog?

Your DC is presumable a responsible 12 who is good with the dog.

Absolutely, we had another DDog before this one who we already had when DC was born so he has lived in a house with a dog his entire life.

That's a lot a ddogs, is the d not used for abbreviation purposes, dh not d husband dw not dwife, so just dog? Not that it matters I just found it irritating, but I haven't had my tea yet.

Yanbu, just message her/call her "Ds says you said you were calling over on Saturday night? Please don't do that, he have the night arranged so we can build him up to a little independence, he is looking forward to it and it's all planned."

OP your dog has given you the heads up he can be aggressive, don’t let your child be another statistic that we so often read about where the “ big, soft, loving family pet “ attacks a child for no apparent reason.

Bloody scooter kid, what a little shIt.

If you are fine with DDog and DC being together that evening (like they have all of the previous times DDog has been with you) tell her it's not required.

This dog hasn’t bitten anybody , all he has done is growled at some horrible child that ran him over , that does not make him a dangerous dog in any way at all . Personally I’d be trying to find out where the child lives so that you can go and speak to his parents before he does get bitten by a dog he’s abused

I'd refuse her request as he doesn't need babysitting, the dog reacted to a strange child on a scooter who hurt him. Your son isn't a threat so isn't in danger imo.

To be honest, if someone ran over my foot with a scooter, they’d soon learn how cross I can get. I am a teacher so very used to children but pain does strange things to us. I am currently looking after the soppiest labradoodle but I’m sure, if someone ran over his paw, he’d snarl or snap too.

Your poor dog. You are doing the right thing by him with the behaviouralist, not just ignoring it.

Sounds like DS and the dog won’t even interact much so tell MIL no.

The dog hasn’t bitten anyone yet.

He has been snarling, growling and snapping though. Why isn’t that enough of a warning? And we don’t know this dog, what it’s really like and what breed it is. The MIL does and is obviously concerned.